Page 36 of Heartfelt Pain (Ruling Love #3)

Ren

W ould now be a good time to tell you I never stopped loving you?

My hand fidgets with Aunt Macy’s silver lighter. It’s engraved with tiny ivy outlines. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s the nicest thing she ever spent money on considering she didn’t care a lot about appearances or fancy things.

I’m digging in my pocket, my fingers fumbling. I lean slightly to the left, trying to find something that’s not there.

“Ants in your pants?” Abe’s laden with dirty dishes as he walks back into the kitchen. At least he’s talking to me.

I went back to work after taking another few days off.

Trevino and Roma both ganged up on me so I had to schedule an appointment with my primary physician.

My wrist is on the mend and I’ve been ordered to add exercise and drink more water.

If that doesn’t help with my blood pressure then I might need to go on medication.

Ben did his best to make sure I didn’t come back to a mess. I take it as an olive branch, though, he still has bags under his eyes and I catch him staring. Like he’s trying to figure out how serious I am about selling the business.

Abe hasn’t hidden his distaste for the idea. He sends me hurt little looks every so often. It does pull at my heartstrings. His parents are more professional but Jane’s stayed behind her hostess stand most of the week.

It makes me wonder what it was like all those years with Aunt Macy. Did she bother to greet them when she rolled in with her oxygen tank and cigarette for meetings?

Speaking of cigarettes.

Ren: Did you throw away my cigarettes?

I’ve always got a carton with me and now I can’t find them to save my life. I rifle through my black bag. Nothing.

Roma: It’s a disgusting habit.

Ren: Nobody asked you.

Roma: You want to retire just so you can die a year later from lung cancer?

Ren: You’re laying it on a little thick.

Roma: I’ll tell you when I’m laying it on thick.

He adds a winking emoji like the loser he is. It makes me laugh anyway.

I side-eye Trevino. “You knew he got rid of my cigarettes.”

Trevino feigns surprise. “Really? Didn’t notice.”

“I don’t suppose you’ll make yourself useful and go get me some.”

“I am a bodyguard,” he says. “Not your personal shopper. ”

Jane wanders closer and I sit up. She picks someone’s drink up and doesn’t meet my eye as she goes to refill it.

Trevino says nothing, but the bodyguard sees everything. He’s sat in the booth next to me most of the week like he knows I need backup. Isolde hasn’t been around or otherwise, I’d use her to hide behind too.

I’m searching through my bag again, like a pack of cigarettes will magically appear when I notice Trevino stilling.

Dimitri juts his chin toward Trevino. “Now we know why you always wore the mask.”

“Now we know where her boyfriend’s shitty jokes come from,” he replies.

“So that’s true?” Dimitri tugs at his flat cap. “You and Roman, huh?”

“What do you want?” I ask.

“I’m just checking in. Where’s that British triggerman?”

“Why do you want to know?”

He places a hand on his heart. “I’m not the one who fucked with you all those years ago. I respected Aunt Macy too much for that.”

Roma said as much the other day when he explained his side of things. How his Uncle Dima had disagreed with his brother. Not hard enough, though.

“You’re not the only one to do this, you know.”

He cocks his head to the side, a curious dog.

“Snoop.”

He appears affronted. “What, me?”

Everyone wants to know what’s going on. First I fielded phone calls. Are the rumors true? Then it became gossip. Who’d already offered to buy the business? Who in the future would people be working with?

“You know,” Dimitri says, leaning his elbows on the table, “you got a good thing going here.

“Oh, yeah? ”

“Why leave it? From what I’ve heard Roma’s leaving the family business, starting his own shop.”

The words are neutral but I doubt Lev is feeling that way. Roma won’t say it, but he’s already afraid he’s upset his dad. He might not like working for his dad, but he doesn’t want to disappoint him.

I personally think Lev can get over it, but then again he’s not asking my opinion anytime soon.

“If this is what it’s about,” Dimitri says, “Roma’s already said he’ll walk away.”

The irony is strong. Five years ago they wanted Roma to turn me into a lovesick girl, who’d run off with a shattered heart. These days, it’s Roma they’d rather step aside so they can continue to do business with me.

I know why. Not because they like me, but because everyone else does. If they’re seen as the reason I truly run off this time they’ll face blowback from the wider criminal elite.

“People appreciate predictability,” he says, fingers tapping the table. “This place—and you—offer stability to a city otherwise known for its. . .”

“Criminal chaos,” I supply.

His lip quirks up. Lev’s brother never sneered at me. Even in those early days. He shadows his brother but he’s like Isolde. Keeping an ear to the ground, watching and strategizing. His sweatsuit isn’t fashionable but he’s no less intelligent for wearing it.

I’ve never underestimated him. And he’s done the same with me.

“It’ll be sad to see you go, you know,” Dimitri says.

“I’ll ask Roma to invite you to brunch.”

He wraps his knuckles on the table before pushing out of his chair. “So the Stuarts, huh?”

There it is. The man looking for information .

“There’s also a business man from Shanghai.” He made a surprisingly high bid.

“Shanghai?” Dimitri pushes his chair in, knowing better than to leave Fujimori’s a mess.

“There’s still a few days.” My elbows dig into the table as I lean forward. “We’ll see what happens.”

Dimitri hums under his breath, his hat hanging low over his forehead. He doesn’t agree with what’s happening but what can he do? He’s got no say in whether I retire or not.

He leaves with a nod, tipping his head respectfully to Jane on his way out.

Low murmurs of conversation around us are interrupted by Trevino’s phone.

Cain Murray is calling him.

He blinks down at the screen.

“Take it.”

His head snaps up.

“Go on.” I nod at the ringing phone. “Let’s see what the Irish are thinking.”