Page 19 of Heartfelt Pain (Ruling Love #3)

Ren

M axim is in the front entry when Trevino and I arrive at Sailor’s party.

I’m fairly certain if Trevino were down for it, Abe and Ben would agree he could be their hall pass. They rode with us from the city and kept sneaking peeks at the man.

Trevino refused to let the valet take our car, so he had the driver drop us off before it drove away. He’s wearing black slacks and a gray button-down, the sleeves rolled up. He’s only out of his tactical clothes because he wants to make a good impression on the Zimins. And I can’t blame him.

I never made it here when I previously fucked Roma. He always came out to the city and now I know why. Seeing as I was a con, I’d never have made it onto the guest list.

It’s a giant monstrosity of a house. The double front door is the equivalent of a drawbridge. There’s a lot of people when we step through.

A little girl with blue fairy wings runs up to Max and clings to his legs. He runs a hand through her brown hair and I’m in disbelief that this robot of a man is an actual doting father .

“I’m surprised you came,” he admits. He nods to Ben and Abe. Then glances at Trevino. The bodyguard keeps his head up, his face professional and blank.

I hold out a gift bag. “I picked something out that I thought a two-year old would love while simultaneously annoy the shit out of you.”

Sailor giggles and Max scowls.

“There’s children here, Ren,” he scolds.

“Thank you so much.” Russet intervenes, pulling me into a hug and kissing my cheeks. “Come on, all of you, group hug.”

Abe and Ben join in. Max and Trevino stare at us like we’ve lost our minds.

“It’s called having friends.” Russet smacks a kiss on Max’s cheek and then motions for us to follow her. “Come on, there’s tons of sugar.”

“Must be your fucking nightmare,” I whisper to Max as we walk away. His eyes narrow.

“My job would be a lot easier if you stopped pissing people off,” Trevino murmurs, a half-step to my right.

“Imagine my job,” Ben tells him.

Russet eyes Trevino up. “You’re fitting right in with the group.”

He shakes his head as I say, “I don’t think so.”

He and Abe have both been annoying me to eat more vegetables.

“How are you doing?” I ask Russ.

Despite her earlier venting, her smile illuminates her whole face. She’s wearing a cute dress with a cardigan thrown over it.

“You know this fall it’ll be two years since I met you guys at Fujimori’s,” she says over her shoulder. She’s leading us to an impressive-looking table full of snacks and sweets.

Abe links his arm through Ben’s, shooting him a grin.

“Ben did all the work then,” I say thinking about the adoption paperwork. Russ turns, handing me a plate, and adds a cupcake to it. “I’m sorry about my phone call.”

I shake my head.

She motions to the party. There are a lot of people here, but nothing is off considering the host.

“I might’ve been a bit angry about a few things. But I get it now why she invited you all.” She forces Abe to take a cupcake. “You guys helped with the adoption. Thank you.”

Abe takes the cupcake. “We love that little munchkin, you know that right?

She smiles and runs a hand under her eyes.

Ben elbows his boyfriend. “You just made her cry.”

“I’m tired and it’s the sugar.” Russ shakes her head. She peers around Ben and whispers, “Don’t let Max know.”

She takes a cupcake for herself, licking the frosting. Before she moves on she squeezes my shoulder. “Thank you for coming. I’ll make sure I’m around in case there’s any awkward run ins.”

My mouth opens, ready to tell her it’s not necessary. Sailor flies into her, her wings sparkling. Russ is busy and deserves to enjoy this moment. She doesn’t need to worry about me.

I chose to come here. I’m not sure why and as I stand in front of the cake tower a wobbly feeling descends on me.

“That was really sweet of her to say,” Abe murmurs to Ben. He’s loading fruit onto his plate.

Ben pours two glasses of punch, one for him and one for his boyfriend.

It’s such a tiny detail but it hammers home, how they’ve always got each other.

“You want some?” he asks.

He doesn’t realize how much of a third wheel I’m feeling. It’s ridiculous anyway. I’m at a little kid’s birthday party. Wallowing about my relationship status is pathetic.

I clear my throat. “No, thank you. ”

Abe and Ben go back to chatting.

“Here.” I don’t have the heart to eat sugar right now. Trevino frowns at my offering. “Please.”

Instead of chiding me for loading up a plate full of sweets, he takes it. I’d pay money to watch him eat a mini cupcake. He acts like his body will fall apart if he eats one single serving of sugar.

“You can loosen up you know,” I tell him.

Trevino lifts a brow, his shoulders back.

“You’re going to freak the kids out,” I say. A group runs by, giggling though. And then a giant dog comes up to Trevino.

“You were saying?” he asks, smirking.

“Albert’s just hoping you drop something.”

“I’m surprised you’re not eating.” It’s not quite a question but his brow knits together.

“I’m not that hungry.”

“I’ve seen you eat eight bowls of ramen in one day.”

“Okay, first of all, that’s a bit weird that you counted.”

“That’s not even her record,” Abe quips from the other side of Ben. We move down the table, as more people start to scavenge for goodies.

“Are you okay?” Ben asks quietly. Like he’s on alert.

Which makes sense. He’s the one I called when the Zimins nearly ruined me.

“I’m fine,” I assure. But then because fate is funny I turn my head and catch Lev’s eye. He’s standing with a group of men. He’s got a glass of whiskey in one hand and keeps his other in his pocket.

Lev laughs along with the group, but his gaze never leaves mine. Tipping his chin slightly, he acknowledges me.

I nod back.

“I don’t like him,” Trevino whispers .

I lift a brow. “Maybe don’t say that when you’re in his house.”

“Not that one.” His eyes move a minuscule degree to a man next to Lev. “That one.”

“William Hallow.” My brow wrinkles at the businessman.

Trevino’s already gotten rid of the plate of sugar. He stands with his arms clasped in front of him.

“Why?” I ask.

He shakes his head. Fair enough, considering the crowd.

I’m starting to realize I like Trevino’s insight. I make a note to ask him for information later.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” I quietly say.

Trevino follows.

“Are you serious?” I ask as we sidestep people.

“You’re in the house of a known enemy.”

“You’re making me feel really good about my decision to come here today.” The weight of Trevino’s stare is noticeable. “What?”

The bodyguard is staggeringly handsome but a tad bit grumpier than normal.

“You can leave you know.”

The hallway is quieter and I keep walking hoping I’ll find the right door. “I’m fine,” I tell him.

“Life is too short for being miserable.”

The words cut me. “You think I’m miserable?”

He lowers his voice. “I think you came to Lev Zimin’s house to prove to everyone that you’re fine. To prove you’re not scared despite there being a serial killer on the loose.”

“I got invited.” The invitation is still hanging on my fridge.

“You’ve dropped off the gift and eaten a slice of cake. I can call the car and you can call it a day.”

“I’m fine.” A little tired now that he mentions it, but I’m not going to be the person who leaves the party first. “Now go away so I can pee.”

He leans against the wall, opposite the bathroom door.

“You can’t be serious.”

“I’ve stood outside while you’ve done a lot worse things than pee,” he mutters.

I’m a guest here, otherwise I’d slam the door behind me.

A deep sigh escapes me as I stand in the middle of the bathroom. The vanity is neat and tidy and there’s a frosted window over the toilet letting in afternoon sunshine.

For a second it’s peaceful and maybe Trevino is right. My clothes itch and my feet are sore. I love my black trousers and stilettos combo, but as I stare at the mirror, I realize I wore business smart to a toddler’s birthday.

Everyone wore nice outfits, but they fit the vibe. Dresses and sweaters, low kitten heels, or white sneakers. The men tucked their shirts in, but the top buttons are loose, and no ties in sight.

For the first time in five years, my armor doesn’t work.

I’m stomping around in five-inch heels and pinstripes.

There’s a reason I don’t mingle with people outside of Fujimori’s. I can control my image there, but outside of that safe space, I avoid areas where I could run into people.

Why did I come here?

There’s a knock. “Open up, Ren.”

“Abe?” I open the door.

“Move.” Russ wiggles in.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“Are you okay?” Russ asks. I don’t like how she peers up at me. I’m not damaged enough to show physical scars. Her worried hazel eyes don’t leave my face, though.

“I’m fine. Why did you break into the bathroom?” I ask.

“I don’t think you’re fine,” Abe replies. He’s inches away from me because the three of us huddle in between the sink and bathtub. “I think you’re hiding in the bathroom because you’re overwhelmed.”

My head jerks back. “I’m not overwhelmed.”

Russ bites her lip. “You look a little tired.”

The face in the mirror is a bit dry and pale. Sundays are normally for facial sheet masks and copious amounts of Pepsi.

“I’m fine,” I assure them.

“Coming to your ex-boyfriend’s house is never easy,” Russ says.

My lips part, my breath catches. No words come out.

I haven’t spotted Roma yet. And if I’m being honest it’s not something I’ve worried about.

I’ll simply tell him to back the fuck up if I see him. He’s done considerably well following instructions these days.

He came to my place two nights ago. I made him crawl to me and then he went down on me before fucking me on all fours.

Even with his chest to my back, I gave him orders and he obeyed every single one of them.

He moved his hips like I told him to. He tortured my nipples when I moved his hands over them.

“It’s fine,” I say.

Abe places a hand on his hip. “When was the last time you had any water?”

“What?”