Page 6 of Heart Shaped Wreckage (standalone)

LANDON

My head felt as if it had been filled with cotton. All sound died. All light was extinguished. My breath caught in my throat as my heartbeat slowed to nothing.

A pinprick of light, so far away on the periphery that it might have been an illusion. My body felt as if it were tumbling in slow motion through nothing and perhaps everything at the same time. I knew no dimensions or universe.

I knew nothing.

The pinprick of light was getting smaller. What did that mean?

Ah… I was falling backward and could not see where I was going.

The cat… What was his name? There was also a… bird? Why would that be… It was weird, wasn’t it?

I should turn around so I could see where I was going. But I didn’t. A little voice inside my head told me to stay where I was – it was where I was meant to be. This was no accident, even if it were a surprise. This was still a journey that I had to make… But I could no longer remember why.

My body felt like it was decompressing. It wasn’t painful, just weird and uncomfortable, as my skin and flesh shrunk into itself as I tumbled backward into nothing and maybe everything… How was I to know? I mean, how could I know? I didn’t have eyes in the back of my head, did I?

I…

What was I saying?

Eyes? I reached up and felt my face. I had eyes. But it was dark and I couldn’t see.

What was I…

Oh…

My eyelids were so heavy… My brain was too foggy to… God… what was I… Who was I… Why was I… Darkness took me.

I woke up to a bird cawing loudly. Stupid thing… Birds were dumb.

The sky was full of white fluffy things… Clouds… Gosh, had I fallen asleep here?

Maybe this was where I always slept, and I had just forgotten. God… What else had I forgot?

I sat up and scratched my head.

I didn’t really know anything. Huh… I should at least have a name, right? Didn’t things have a name? I knew it was a bird in the sky. But… I didn’t know who or where I was.

That was odd, right? Or was it normal? I was just born, so I guess I didn’t have a lot to go on. I couldn’t really trust what I thought… Cause… Well, I…

Who was I?

I wasn’t a child. I could tell by the size of my hands. I had adult hands. Adult! There was another word I knew. Why were there some things I knew and others I didn’t?

I was an adult and I was a… guy? Man! Yes, I was a man. But what if I was wrong about all of this? I really shouldn’t think that I knew anything until there was someone around to tell me I was right. How would I know if I was ever right or not? I needed someone to tell me, didn’t I?

Did I?

I was pretty sure that I was an adult man. I mean… If I weren’t, why else would I even think it, right?

I looked down and grabbed my penis. There! Penis! I knew that word, and I also knew the word cock. I squeezed it through my shirt – no, pants. My shirt was on top and was white and… It had a small tear.

Words – language was happening in my brain, so… I wasn’t stupid. Maybe I had been hit on the head, and that’s why I didn’t know anything more about myself. I knew I should know something… But maybe I wasn’t supposed to. Maybe I was new and born this way for a purpose.

I hit myself on the head to get my brain to wake up.

I waited.

No… It hadn’t helped.

I looked down and saw my black shoes. If I had just been born, I hadn’t been born naked.

I had been born an adult man with a pair of shoes and possibly a 401 (k).

I laughed. What was a 401 (k)? I bet no one knew that.

It was just gibberish, or something. But I knew the word was real, and that meant I was real too, even if I felt so lost and confused.

I took a step and instantly knew that a human baby couldn’t do this for a very long time. It took months for them to have a first step, and… More. I knew more than I knew I knew. I clapped my hands happily.

That made better sense inside my head before I actually thought it… or said it.

“I was speaking words.” The truth of what I had been doing hit me with a wave of knowledge. Truths that I had known before… A different life, maybe?

I looked at my hands and wiggled my fingers. More words – more things I knew. An oak tree stood before me as it towered up into the sky. Oak was a very strong wood, and my house had been made partially from it.

A house? Yes… I had to have one at this age.

But I had no idea where it was, or where I was, and…

I could hear the sound of… water! I walked towards it, not knowing what else to do.

I was thirsty… My throat was dry. I climbed over a small hill that was covered in bright yellow flowers that reminded me of something, but I couldn’t remember what…

Gold? Yes, gold was like yellow. I was sure that I…

A small brook babbled slowly over shiny rocks. I stared at the direction the water was flowing, and a large brick building caught my attention. The water ran quickly down there as it splashed between large boulders.

I knelt down by the water and cupped some of it in my hand.

Somehow, this was also something that I just knew instinctively.

I brought it up to my mouth and drank it slowly.

It tasted clean and fresh – I knew this, too.

It had not been contaminated like another river that I knew and used to play in when I had been younger.

Flashes of its greyish stagnant pools flashed through my mind.

But I had no idea where it was that I saw – that I had once been.

I glanced up through the large oak limbs to see the sun slowly leaving the sky. It would be night soon, and…

There… More things I knew but had no idea how I knew them.

Something was wrong. I wasn’t stupid and na?ve.

I was something else, but I couldn’t understand what it was.

It would be dark soon, and all I had were the clothes I was wearing.

I glanced at the building in the distance and bit my bottom lip.

Maybe there were people there? Maybe they could help me? Maybe they even knew who I was?

How did this happen to me? I wondered as I carefully followed the rushing stream around the rolling hills that surrounded the small path.

It wasn’t a long walk. I noticed the pretty wildflowers that grew all around the edge of the stream, and I knew I should know the name of the flower.

I tried to find the words on the top of my tongue, but only the word flower came.

At least I knew that. It was something, wasn’t it?

The brick building was larger than I thought as I got closer to it. I didn’t see any windows or doors on this side. Maybe I’d have to walk around to the other side to find someone or to get in the entrance.

As I slowly and carefully made my way up from the stream and around the building, I found nothing and no one. It was even odder than me. What kind of building had no doors or windows? Walls! That’s all it was. How strange and… unimaginable. How would one even get inside?

I took a step back. Dangerous. It was a place of danger.

Maybe no one was supposed to get inside. Maybe those walls were to keep something inside them. A cold chill crept up my spine, and I knew I was right. I just didn’t understand why. Why would something like that exist?

There was a road on this side of the building, though.

Cars drove on it. Another thing I knew, even if I was sure I didn’t know how to drive one.

Maybe driving a car was a bad idea when you didn’t even know who you were.

I stared down the road in both directions.

There was nothing to the right – the way I had come.

But to my left, I could see a covered bridge and some buildings in the distance.

It seemed to be the only choice I had.

I walked and hoped that someone there would be able to help me.

I wasn’t scared, and I knew that was silly. But something deep down inside myself – like a faint voice kept telling me that everything would be ok. So, I walked and hoped.

The day could only get better.