Page 5 of Heart Shaped Wreckage (standalone)

HEATH

“It’s cute. How long have you been here?” Lamass clicked her long fingernails on the table.

“Ten years. It’s nice to live in a magical community.

It means I don’t have to move every ten years because I age so slowly.

They're used to it. We have a warlock that’s lived here for over a hundred years.

He’s a hedge witch, and honestly, not one of the best. He does make a very great salad, though. ”

“Why are you still a vegetarian? You are on top of the food chain. Not all humans deserve to live. There are some pretty nasty pieces of work walking this planet, and they deserve whatever happens to them.”

“I’ve lost the desire to… I eat in the wild, but not them. A deer suffices when I need meat, or I have a lobster. I enjoy seafood. But human? I can’t anymore. I’m not God, Lamass.”

“Neither am I. Who’d want that job? Everyone hates you and asks you for the stupidest things. Can you help my son with his math test? As if God is even listening these days.”

“Do you still feel him sometimes?”

“Only in his temples. He has moved on to something else. I did see Gabriel a few hundred years ago. He sneaked out.”

“I remember.”

“Insufferable asshole. He hasn’t changed in millennia.”

“None of them ever had to.”

“We did.”

“Yes. So, your traveling companion? Is she human?”

“She is. I know that she’s mortal, but I can’t stand being away from her. She excites me and makes every day an adventure with her young eyes.”

“We have seen too much.”

“We’re more than jaded. But I don’t think I’ve ever been happier than I am now. It’s weird, isn’t it? To think of all we’ve done and lived through since we fell. This world has been our only home, and we have lived too many lives here. I’ve begun to wonder if it will ever end.”

“We’ve seen some of our siblings fade. Without the spark from God, perhaps one day we too will end.”

“Perhaps? I’m not sure I care any longer. We did the best that we could, but you know, he holds a grudge. I do not want to have to deal with Lucifer. God, he’s insufferable.”

“Well, it has been thousands upon thousands of years since we last saw him. Maybe he’s changed?”

“Maybe he whines louder than he ever did. If I fade, please just let me be nothing. I don’t want to be in heaven or hell.”

“Why do you think that some of us fade and others do not. I still feel as virile and strong as I ever did.”

“Because we chose to live. We continue to grow and experience life and the world. Those who left us – they quit, and by giving up, their spirit grew weak. There are far too few of us left these days.”

“How can you… She will die, and you will not. How can you stand that?”

“Is this why you have never let yourself love with all your heart? Fear of death? All things die, Magnus. But to not allow yourself to experience the greatest emotion that we possess is fucking sad.”

“I’ve loved. I’ve just never been in love.”

“Lust is not love. A few nights of fucking is not love.”

“Yes… I’m aware that I… Haven’t I known enough pain, Lamass? How would I feel to finally find love and then watch it wither in front of me?”

“It is sad, Magnus… Oh, who is it that you’re wearing? He’s very handsome with the dark hair and deep-set eyes.”

“Heath. They call me Heath here.”

“Heath… It’s a lovely name. A person who lives on uncultivated land like a moor or a heath. Fits you well.”

“What does that mean?”

“Uncultivated like your heart, my dear friend. Don’t you want to know what it feels like? Don’t you need to have it expand your heart until you think it might burst? To love is the greatest way to live.”

“It feels as if we’ve had this conversation before when I wore a different body.”

“We did. We have had it many times. But still, you lock a part of yourself away. One day, you won’t be able to stop it.

You will meet the right one, human or not, and they will capture you in a way you’ve never experienced before.

It will hurt when they’re not there. You’ll miss them more than you’ve ever missed anyone.

You’ll want to share the stupidest thing that you did that day, and every day, because they will be the one you want to share everything with. ”

“You make it sound so…”

“Wonderful?”

“Co-dependent.”

She laughed and looked around the small courtyard at the other couples quietly talking at their own tables.

“It is… sometimes. When Ash isn’t with me, I watch for her.” She smiled sadly. “That’s why we all need our pastimes to keep us busy.”

“Agreed. What do you do?”

“I knit. Sometimes when I’m alone, I stare at the sky and remember. It’s getting harder to reminisce about the lives of our past.”

“There have been many.”

“Yes. Some were much better than others. I’m glad to forget about the dark times. You? What do you do to stay busy?”

“I talk to people. I… Well, Heath likes to be social. When I’m alone, I’ve started journaling.”

“God, we’ve become so pedantic in our old age.”

“I still run free at night. There are others, and I blend in with their pack even if I can never belong. The moon still calls to me.”

“I rarely run free these days. This body belonged to a witch. I took control of it as soon as her spirit began to exit. It’s still strong enough, but she was not a shifter. I miss the feel of my fur as the air rushed around me. Next life, maybe?”

“Do you still have any of her power?”

She held up her hand, and a small flame danced on her fingers. “A little. But not enough. I miss who we were, Magnus. But I like whoever I am. Am I being too obtuse?”

“No… I still miss my feathers.”

“There you are!” A middle-aged woman called out and began to walk over. “Have you two had a fun time catching up?” Her frizzy blonde hair almost made a halo around her head. She held quite a few bags that dangled from her arms.

“It’s been lovely, Ash. I see you found all the shops,” Lamassa laughed happily. Her eyes had lit up as soon as she saw her. Was that love?

Why did I care? I had lived so long without ever truly knowing what that kind of love felt like. Had I even missed it?

No.

And…

Yes.

I had grown tired and lonely. Maybe I did need someone to care for, but to know that one day they would leave me… Everything died – except us.

What was the point? I had suffered enough since my fall. I wouldn’t willingly rush towards another source of pain.

“I got you something!” Ash bent down and kissed Lamassa’s full lips. “You’re going to love it.”

She was sweet, and I enjoyed the rest of our conversation, but…

They left, and I knew that we would see each other again. What did time mean to beings such as us? Lamassa and I would always be connected as we journeyed thither onward.

I would probably not see her in this form again, nor would she find me inside Heath.

All we could do was persevere and try to see what the next lifetime would be like.

I walked Heath’s body back towards my small cottage at the edge of the village.

Alone was good. It was for the best.