Page 42 of Healing the Highland Sinner (Tales of the Maxwell Lasses #7)

Katherine stood in the middle of her bedchamber staring at the array of gowns hanging on the rack in front of her. With a frustrated grunt, she threw up her hands and walked over to the window, staring at the great forest that stretched out into the distance. It was beautiful out there, but she was homesick. She missed her own things. Missed her family. She closed her eyes and swallowed down the emotions that bubbled up inside of her.

As she stood at the window, staring out across the tall, ancient trees that filled the land beyond the castle, her thoughts drifted to the man in the warm spring once more. She tried to banish the images from her mind but couldn’t stop seeing the way his toned, muscular body had glistened with the beads of water that sparkled in the sunlight. The man was exquisite. Like a living, breathing work of art, he truly had looked like he’d been carved out of marble.

As bad as it was that she couldn’t keep the image of his strong, perfect body out of her mind, it was worse that she couldn’t stop seeing the way the woman on her knees had been guiding his long, thick manhood into her mouth while using her hands to heighten his pleasure. She clamped her hands over her ears like a child, but his moans of ecstasy continued to ring in her ears. Her belly churned and heat flared between her thighs, filling Katherine with a sense of desire she’d never known before. A desire so thick, it scared her.

She was to be a married woman soon. She couldn’t go into this marriage with the images of another man filling her mind. Especially not to her wedding bed. It would be wholly improper and unladylike to fantasize about another man while coupling with her husband. The mere thought of it sent waves of heat into Katherine’s face. She was ashamed of herself for not being able to banish, not just the images, but the thoughts of this man - this stranger - from her mind.

“I think ye should go with the blue velvet gown with the long sleeves and white lace around the cuffs. I think it’d flatter yer figure very well.”

Katherine spun around, startled by the sudden voice. Adelaide stood in the doorway staring at her with a small grin playing across her lips. She walked into the bedchamber and closed the door behind her. Walking over to the rack of gowns, she traced the tips of her fingers across them all, gazing at them admiringly, though Katherine didn’t know why. Adelaide’s own dresses were beautiful and finely made.

She made her way over to where Katherine stood at the window and sat down on the wide, stone sill and took her hands with a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

“What are ye lookin’ at me like that fer?” Katherine asked.

She giggled. “Judgin’ by that color in yer cheeks, I could wager a guess who ye were thinkin’ about just now.”

The teasing tone in the woman’s voice only made Katherine blush harder. She turned away and tried to compose herself but found it was a useless endeavor. She was mortified.

“I wasnae,” she said weakly.

“’Tis all right,” Adelaide said. “’Tis just us girls here. Nothin’ fer ye tae be embarrassed about. ‘Tis nae like I’ve nae fantasized about some of the men around the keep.”

“Ye dinnae understand.”

“Then tell me. What is troublin’ ye so?”

Katherine sat down on the sill beside the woman and clutched onto her hands like she was adrift at sea and Adelaide was the only thing keeping her afloat. She knew how insane it was to trust the woman, they’d only just met after all. But Adelaide was so open and kind, and seemed happy to take Katherine under her wing, that she couldn’t help but trust her.

She genuinely liked Adelaide and felt that she was a bit of stability in her new life, a rock she could cling to. It was mad to feel so attached to somebody she barely knew, but she sensed the goodness in the other woman and gravitated to it like a moth to a flame.

“Well?” Adelaide pressed. “What is troublin’ ye?”

“’Tis just that… I’m tae be married soon. Tae yer… faither,” she said. “’Tis improper and unladylike tae have another man in me head when I’m tae be married.”

Adelaide laughed like it was the funniest thing she’d ever heard and Katherine recoiled, suddenly feeling ridiculous. Perhaps seeing the aghast look on her face, Adelaide stopped laughing and adopted a more sympathetic expression.

“I didnae mean tae laugh. ‘Tis just… dae ye think ye’d be the only woman who had thoughts of other men runnin’ through her head when she was couplin’ with her husband? I’d go so far as tae say there’s nae a woman alive who hasnae,” she said. “And there’s nae a man alive who’s nae had another woman runnin’ through their head at the same time.”

“Truly?”

“We’re human, lass,” Adelaide said gently. “And fantasizing about another person who’s nae yer spouse is probably nae as uncommon as ye’d think. ‘Tis nothin’ wrong with it.”

Katherine frowned and lowered her gaze, not sure what to say to that. After a long moment, she finally raised her eyes to Adelaide.

“I guess I always thought when I got married, me husband would be the only man in me head. the only one I craved and wanted in that way,” Katherine said softly. “I suppose that sounds pretty childish…”

“Nay. They are the thoughts of a romantic.”

“Aye. I suppose.”

“And if ye’d been able tae pick the man ye wanted tae be with fer the rest of yer life, if ye’d been able tae marry fer love, maybe that’d be the case,” she said softly. “But ye’re bein’ made tae marry a man ye dinnae ken and dinnae love… How can ye think ye’d never have stray thoughts about another man?”

Adelaide’s blunt words surprised her. As if seeing her surprise, the woman offered her a gentle, reassuring smile.

“There’s naethin’ wrong with havin’ yer own thoughts, yer own fantasies,” she said. “Dinnae take this the wrong way, but he’s nae marryin’ ye fer love either. ‘Tis necessary. ’Tis naethin’ against ye, ‘tis just how things are. ‘Tis nae reason fer ye tae be beatin’ yerself up about it. Ye’re human, love.”

Katherine was strangely unaffected by the thought of Declan having thoughts of another woman running through his head. Even in their marriage bed. She wasn’t na?ve enough to think that he was marrying her for love rather than advantage, but even having that confirmed didn’t bother her at all. It set clear boundaries in her mind. Maybe one day they could approach something akin to affection—she hoped they could—but in a strange way it helped her to know that love was not part of their considerations.

Still, she couldn’t deny that the thought of this arrangement, practical and agreeable for her family as it was, set a dull ache in her heart. As if intuiting her thoughts, Katherine offered her a sympathetic smile.

“’Tis nae what ye’d imagined yer marriage was goin’ tae be like, even if ye kenned the reality of things, eh?” she asked gently.

Katherine shook her head. “Nay. ‘Tis nae. When I was a lass, I had notions of some grand romance like the poets write about. ‘Tis silly, but?—”

“’Tis nae silly, Katherine. ‘Tis sweet. And dinnae let anybody tell ye otherwise,” she said. “Hang on tae those notions. Dinnae lose that sense of romance and love. Ye never ken what the future holds or what fate might have in store fer ye, so dinnae let yerself close off. Dinnae let circumstances harden ye.”

“I’m tae be married tae a man I dinnae ken, let alone love. Doesnae seem like fate has much more in store fer me.”

She shrugged her thin shoulders. “Ye never ken.”

Katherine smiled softly. She liked Adelaide’s positive demeanor and upbeat disposition. She wished she could be as optimistic as her. But it was hard to be when it felt like all her life, fate had done little but knock her down over and over again. It made it harder to keep getting back up.

“Thank ye, Adelaide.”

“Of course,” she said. “Like I said before, we’re the only women in this family, so it’s important we stick taegether. Right?”

Katherine laughed. “Aye. Ye’re right.”

“Good. Now, we need tae get ye dressed and ready fer the feast. Me faither will have our hides if we’re late.”

Katherine got to her feet, her belly churning with nerves and white-hot fear. This was it. Once their wedding had been made public at the feast, there was no going back. Not that going back was a choice in the first place. But she had been stubbornly, and perhaps childishly, clinging to the notion that it was her decision, and she was choosing to put duty to her family above her desire for love and romance. That illusion would be shattered tonight, and she felt a sharp lance of pain stab her in the heart.

“I think the blue velvet dress,” Adelaide said.

Katherine nodded and offered her a smile she hoped look sincere. “Aye. ‘Tis a lovely gown.”