Page 29 of Healing the Highland Sinner (Tales of the Maxwell Lasses #7)

CHAPTER 29

“ F er what it’s worth, I believe him,” Ciar said.

“Ye cannae be serious.”

“I can be. And I am.”

As she always did when her heart was troubled, Rosalind had sought out Ciar. Though fierce in battle, he had a calming presence that always soothed her. That always helped to stop the spinning of her mind and heart. He never failed to provide her with sage counsel, which aside from his skill with a blade, was one of the things she valued most about him. He was as wise as he was ferocious. But the fact that he was agreeing with a traitor boggled her mind.

“If Ellair’s mission had been tae hurt ye—or worse—he had plenty of opportunities tae dae so,” Ciar said. “Instead, he’s protected ye. Kept ye safe from more than one blade, eh?”

Rosalind opened her mouth to rebut his words with a cutting, acerbic remark but closed it again without saying anything. She could not refute it. Ellair had taken several wounds, a few of them serious, in her defense. It was a fact that angered her deeply.

“Still daesnae make him deceivin’ me right,” was all she managed to come up with.

“Nay. It daesnae make it right,” he said. “’Tis nae what I’m sayin’.”

“Then what are ye sayin’?”

He sighed and didn’t answer her for a moment. Instead, he turned and watched the men and women bustling on the docks around them. The sun was slipping toward the horizon, casting the sky in fiery shades of red and orange. To the east, the dark veil of the night was beginning to be pulled over the world. It would be full dark soon and Rosalind had a decision to make. It was a decision so heavy, she felt like she was being crushed beneath it.

She studied Ciar’s profile for a long moment. He was quiet, far quieter than usual, for he was a man who never failed to have an opinion on anything. He was rarely at a loss for words and more rarely still, did he hesitate to share those thoughts with her. As she watched him, a realization dawned on her that turned her stomach.

“Ye kent,” Rosalind gasped. “Ye kent he wasnae who he claimed tae be and that he was daein’ the biddin’ of Torrin Gunn.”

Ciar turned back to her and he nodded. “Aye. I kent. I had some suspicions and finally decided tae follow him. I saw him meetin’ with Gunn in a tavern,” he said. “I gave him the option tae tell ye himself or tae let me dae it. I’m glad tae see he opted tae be a man about it.”

“How could ye nae tell me, Ciar!”

“I only found out fer sure the other night. And like I said, I told him tae tell ye himself or I was goin’ tae dae it fer him.”

“But why didnae ye tell me.”

He sighed again. “Lass, I’ve kent ye fer a while now and I’ve never seen ye… well… the way ye are with Ellair.”

“What is that supposed tae mean?”

“It means that fer the first time since I’ve kent ye, I’ve seen ye happy,” he said. “I’ve seen ye smile more in the last few weeks than in all the years I’ve been by yer side.”

She shook her head and turned away, her mind spinning. She couldn’t refute what he was saying, but she wasn’t going to admit it to him either. Truthfully, she had felt happier with Ellair in her life these past few weeks than she could remember being in quite some time. Perhaps ever. Which made the sting of his betrayal cut so much deeper. She felt like she’d taken a punch to the stomach so hard that no matter how much she tried, she could not regain her breath.

“Ye should have told me,” she said.

“If I thought we were in true danger, I would have,” he said. “But Gunn is nae our enemy. And he’s nae the one holdin’ yer braither. That’s Sinclair. And the way I see it, if Gunn can find a way tae weaken Sinclair, it gets us out from under his thumb, which is good fer us.”

Rosalind wanted to respond but couldn’t think of anything to say to that. As usual, Ciar’s logic was sound. Gunn, though no friend of theirs, was not their enemy either. And Sinclair definitely was. It didn’t make the bitter pill of Ellair’s betrayal any easier to swallow, but Ciar wasn’t wrong. If Torrin Gunn was able to weaken, or even better, kill, Sinclair, that would benefit them. At least in the short term. She had no way of knowing what Gunn would do if his power was unchecked by a foil like Sinclair. People like her might be run out of Thurso for good.

But none of that mattered. That was all extraneous and not worth thinking about at the moment. All that mattered was Ellair and his staggering betrayal. She’d trusted him. She’d opened herself fully to him and he’d repaid all of that by driving a dagger into her back.

“Ye love him, Rosalind,” Ciar said. “I see it in yer eyes. I see it in the way ye look at him.”

She gnawed on her bottom lip and turned away, saying nothing. There really was nothing for her to say.

“And he loves ye back,” Ciar said. “I’ve seen it in his eyes the same way I see it in yers.”

“It daesnae matter,” she replied, her tone bitter. “This is one of those times when love isnae enough. He betrayed me, deceived me.”

Ciar nodded. “Aye. That he did. He lied tae ye about who he was,” the man said. “But me own opinion of the matter is that he wasnae seekin’ tae hurt ye. If anythin’, I think he was tryin’ tae help ye… in his own way.”

“He said he told Laird Gunn about Blaine and that Sinclair was forcin’ us tae move his goods intae the Highlands against our will.”

“Fer what it’s worth, I believe the lad,” Ciar said simply. “Ellair has had more than enough chances tae betray us and bring the whole of Gunn’s wrath down upon us if he had wanted tae.”

“Ciar—”

“I’m nae sayin’ ye need tae forgive him. I’m nae sayin’ ye shouldnae feel betrayed. He deceived us,” he said. “All I’m sayin’ is there is a lot more tae consider.”

“And what would I be considerin’?”

“Whether or nae ye love him enough tae forgive him.”

She frowned. “Like I said, this may be one of those times when love is nae enough.”

“Sometimes we need tae forgive, Rosalind.”

She stared hard at him. “Why are ye so interested in this, Ciar? Why are ye advocatin’ on his behalf so strongly?”

He shook his head. “I suppose ‘tis because there will come a day when ye dinnae want tae be daein’ this work anymore. There will be a day when ye’ll want tae walk away,” he said. “And I dinnae want tae see ye alone. Ye’ve built these high, thick walls around yerself and Ellair is the only lad I’ve ever seen ye let behind ‘em. Love daesnae come around often. And I’d hate tae see ye walk away from it if it’s real.”

Ciar stared at her for a long moment, giving her a chance to change her mind, but when she didn’t, he nodded.

“All right,” he said. “Then what’s our next step, eh?”

“That’s the question,” she said softly. “If I dinnae dae as Sinclair wants, he’ll kill Blaine. If I dae, we may give his allies enough tae overthrow Gunn…”

“And if that happens, what will our world be like with Sinclair as the unquestioned laird of all the lands?” Ciar asked. “And nae tae put more on yer mind than is already there, but there’s nay sayin’ he’ll hold true tae his word and return Blaine tae ye, Rosalind,” he said. “He might decide ‘tis more beneficial fer him tae hold ontae yer braither and keep ye under his thumb.”

She ran a hand through her chestnut-colored locks. It was a thought she’d already had more times than she could say, thanks to Ellair’s story about his brother.

“Aye,” she agreed. “’Tis somethin’ that’s crossed me mind.”

“We’re between a rock and a hard place then, eh?”

A wry grin twisted her lips. “We’ve been here before.”

“Aye. I suppose we have,” he replied. “This one just feels harder than before.”

Rosalind blew out a loud breath. She could not dispute that. This one felt as if the stakes and the danger had been raised impossibly high. Her brother’s life versus the fate of Scotland as a whole. Or at least, the fate of the Highlands. But she had known men like Sinclair and knew the Highlands were just the first step towards a much longer road. He was ambitious. And that unbridled ambition was going to lead them into some very dark, troubled waters.

The thought brought her right back to the original question. What was she to do? If she aided Sinclair by running his goods to his allies in the Highlands, she would be turning it all over to him. And if he thought it more beneficial to keep her under his thumb, to keep her working for him, rather than return Blaine and let them go on their way and live their lives, he would. And if the events of the past few weeks had taught her anything, it was that he was a man who could be counted on to do what was in his best interest. Without question.

“Whatever ye decide, I want ye tae ken I’m with ye, Rosalind,” Ciar said. “I’ll have yer back nay matter what.”

“I appreciate that, Ciar. Ye’ve always been a true friend.”

“And I always will be,” he replied. “Just remember what I said about love. About how rare it is and how sometimes, ye need tae grab hold of it with both hands and hold onto it tight.”

She frowned and fought off the tears that welled in her eyes. “I’ll… remember.”

They stood in silence for a moment and Rosalind stared out at the sea once more, doing her best to keep her emotions from rolling over her like the endless stream of waves that crashed against the shore.

“Heads up, lass,” Ciar said.

She turned and felt her heart drop into her stomach as she spotted Ellair emerging from the throng of people. He did not have his usual sauntering swagger though. His shoulders were slumped, his head down, his face etched with pain. Rosalind’s heart went out to him, but she reminded herself that he had betrayed her. She fought the urge to go to him, comfort him, pull him to her and hold him.

He stopped in front of her and raised his head, though he did not look she or Ciar in the eye. Instead, his eyes fixed on some point on the horizon, where the sun met the sea. Ellair blew out a long breath and finally turned his eyes to her.

“What can I dae tae help ye?” he said.

She frowned. “Ellair, I understand why did what ye did. But the fact remains that ye betrayed me. And I cannae forgive that.”

“I understand,” he said. “What can I dae tae help ye?”

Rosalind exchanged a glance with Ciar who gave her a small nod, reminding her that whatever she did, he was with her. She drew strength from him.

“I’m tired of bein’ Hugh Sinclair’s pawn. Tired of bein’ anybody’s pawn,” she said with a direct glare at Ellair that made him lower his head again. “I’m done with all that.”

“So, we’re goin’ tae let Gunn’s shipment through then, eh?” Ciar asked.

She nodded. “Aye. Laird Gunn should be able tae defend himself against Sinclair.”

“What about Blaine?” Ellair asked.

She felt her heart skip a beat. “I’m goin’ tae have tae trust that what ye said was true… that he’ll think me more valuable with me braither alive than dead. We’ll have tae figure out how tae find and rescue him.”

“I’ll help ye any way I can,” Ellair said.

“It daesnae make things right between us.”

“I ken that. I just… I want tae help.”

She nodded. “Hopefully, if Gunn is armed and equipped, he’ll take on Sinclair and maybe while those two are locked in a fight, Hugh will be too distracted tae worry about me. Maybe while his attention is elsewhere, we can save me braither.”

“I think that sounds like a plan,” Ciar said.

She nodded. “Start puttin’ out feelers. I want tae hear from anybody who thinks they might have an idea where that bastard took me braither.”

“I’ll get right on that, lass,” Ciar said and quickly walked away.

“I’ll put word out as well,” Ellair said.

She stared at him coldly. “I meant what I said, this doesnae make us square.”

“I understand.”

“And when I have me braither back, ye and me, we’re done.”

His expression was pained but he nodded. “I understand that too.”

Without another word, Rosalind turned and walked away from him, her heart breaking a little more with every single step. As she melted into the crowd, a tear spilled down her cheek.