Page 31 of Healer’s Reckoning (The Healer’s #3)

Chap ter 31

Ava

I throw open the door to the conference room and see several heads turn my way, but my gaze is on the man at the head of the table. His eyes are locked on me, even as he speaks into the phone. “Yes. Okay, we’ll see you then.” He hangs up, and silence fills the room.

As soon as he hangs up, I start in on him. “How dare you.” He takes me in, completely relaxed. He sits back against his seat, his long legs stretched out in front of him. “How dare you feel guilty for something you had no control over.” I ignore the fact that the rest of his team is sitting around the table taking this all in. His eyes shadow, and I know that I’m right. “Losing Cade and Amber is awful. No, it’s worse than awful. It’s a terrible, horrible thing. And I hate it with every ounce of my being, but don’t you dare take on the guilt of it. You are not responsible for his death, for their deaths. If anybody is responsible, it’s me. I’m the one that sent you back there to get my brother. If I hadn’t made you go back,” I grit my teeth and swallow hard. No, not now. I refuse to fall apart in front of his team. “If I hadn’t made you go back,” my voice is barely a whisper. “Cade and Amber would still be here. But that’s on me, not you.” I lift my chin and hold my head high. “And I won’t regret getting my brother out of there. Nobody has to understand that; I’m okay with that. I hate what happened with every fiber of my being. But Cade was a good man, and I know he wouldn’t want you to feel guilt for what happened.”

Silence falls around the room, and I take a deep breath and try to still my beating heart. “She’s right.” Of all people to have my back, it’s Hunter. And it shocks me. “You haven’t been sleeping or eating. We all feel and share your grief, but Ava’s right. Cade wouldn’t want you to feel this kind of guilt.”

Bryce slams his hand down on the table, startling me. “Cade and Amber are gone because of me, and now their little girl is an orphan.” His words are low and fierce, and I find myself glad that I’m not on the receiving end of them.

Hunter doesn’t flinch. “Yes, she is but that’s not on you. Cade knew what we were up against when he joined us. He knew the dangers, the risks; and he still chose to go.” Hunter’s eyes flick toward mine for a moment. “He went because Ava was one of his pack for a time. And he also went because he knew that we have to fight against evil, and this was just one way to go up against the vampires.” He crosses his arms across his chest. “We all know this is not the first time we’ve gone to war with them, and this won’t be the last time. Cade fought on the side of right; don’t take that dignity away from him. He gave his life for something that mattered; let it count.” He’s silent a moment, and then he speaks so softly, I almost don’t hear him. “You and I both know none of us would have gotten out of there alive if Maverick hadn’t received that burst of alpha power. There were too many of them and not enough of us.”

Bryce’s eyes flick to mine for a moment, and my heart stalls. “Is that true?” I ask Bryce in a whisper. His jaw clenches, but he doesn’t say anything. And I know I have my answer. I swallow down the emotion in my throat. “Then I’m even more grateful for Cade’s sacrifice because it got the people I care about out of there safely.” I don’t drop my gaze from Bryce’s, so he knows exactly who I’m talking about. Because as much as I’m glad that my brother got out of there safely, I wouldn’t have been able to handle it if Bryce hadn’t. And maybe that makes me a terrible person because I’m glad that Bryce survived, even though Cade didn’t. I’ve already got a dark, tainted soul. What’s one more awful thing?

“Everybody out,” Bryce growls without looking away from me. I step out of the way, so Hunter, Cody, Leo, and Alicia can all leave.

Alicia surprises me by stopping in front of me. “Thank you,” she mouths to me and then walks out the door, closing it behind her as she goes.

“Ava.”

I turn towards Bryce. He stands and walks towards me. My feet feel pinned to the floor. “Did you mean me?” he asks, his voice intense.

“What?” I meet his gaze head-on.

“Did you mean me when you said about getting out the people you care about?” He looks so unsure, and I hate that. I’m the reason for that look of doubt on his face. I hate that he’s been carrying around this weight of guilt. And if what Hunter says is true that he hasn’t been eating or sleeping...I hate that too. I’m mad at myself that I didn’t see it. I also hate that he’s so unsure around me.

My hard heart cracks; I can almost feel it. “I’m so sorry, Bryce.” The hope in his eyes dims, and I know he’s misunderstood me. I reach out and take his hand. “I’m sorry I’ve run from you and from this. I just...” I pause, trying to find the right words. “I was so lost. What I went through with the vampires and my brother dying, or at least I thought he died...it broke me. I became a shell of myself and was unable to cope. So, when you came along, I just couldn’t deal with it.” I swallow and become more vulnerable than I have been with anybody in a long time. “You’re a really good person, Bryce; and I’m not. My soul is dark and tainted. I’m not sweet like Rose or Samantha. I have a dark, haunted past. I’m skittish, scared, sarcastic, and mean. You deserve so much better than me. I wanted you to see that, but I don’t want you to ever think I was running from you because of you. You’re the most selfless, kind person I know.”

He stares down at me with such intensity, it nearly knocks the oxygen from my lungs. “Can I say something now?” I nod because I'm suddenly depleted. His hand reaches up and tucks a hair behind my ear and then lingers there. “Ava, my fierce mate, your soul is neither dark nor tainted. You know what I see when I look at you? I see a woman who’s walked through fire and been burned but not consumed. I see a woman who is fiercely protective of those she lets into her inner circle. She doesn’t let many in, but once they’re in, they’re in for life. I want in that inner circle, Ava. I know I don’t deserve it, but I want to be one of the few people that really know you, that you let close.” He steps closer as his eyes burn into mine. “And Baby, hear me when I say this. If you let me in, I will guard you and protect you with that same fierceness but let you still be who you are. I want to have you stand alongside me, not behind me. I want your fierceness at my side.” He reaches forward and cradles my cheek with his palm. “Because you own me, Ava. You own my heart, my soul, my body...all of it. You have since the day I first met you, and your eyes sparked fire at me.” He smiles as if remembering it. “I want that fire in your eyes every time you look at me. I don’t deserve it, but I will work for it. And I won’t let you go. Ava, if you allow me to lay claim to you, to your heart, soul, and body, I will take it into my care and never let you go. And if someone hurts you...” His eyes glow with the presence of his wolf. “There is no place they can hide that I won’t find them.”

“I think I want that,” I tell him honestly.

A smirk tugs across his lips, distracting me. “You think you want that?”

I shake my head. “I know I want that. I know maybe I don’t always show it. But…” I search his eyes. “I don’t want to like rush into anything.”

“Okay,” he says simply. “Am I allowed to kiss you?”

It’s my turn to smirk. “You’ve been awfully patient.”

“I’ve been so patient. I’ve been dying to taste your lips since the moment I first laid eyes on you.”

I cock my head to the side. “I guess there’s no better time?”

He shakes his head. “Not here. Not when we can be interrupted. I want to wait until I can kiss you and nobody can interrupt us. Because once I start, I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.” I have a sudden longing to be wrapped up in him. I want the feel of his strong arms wrapped around me. I want his lips on mine. He groans, and it sounds tortured. “Your scent changed.” His words are low and possessive. “Let’s go home.”

He threads his fingers through mine, intertwining our fingers. Out in the hall, Hunter and Cody turn to talk to him. “Nope. Not tonight. I’ll deal with everything else tomorrow.” He tugs on my hand, pulling me past the guys.

I glance behind me at Cody and Hunter as we practically run away. “Rude much?” I ask Bryce, humor in my voice.

“I’m not letting anyone near you when you smell like this,” he says in a growl.

“Wait. A good smell or a bad smell? Because I definitely don’t want to be around people if I really do smell.”

He turns towards me. “A turned-on smell.”

I feel my face heat. “Oh, well that’s just embarrassing.”

He shakes his head. “No, it’s not. Not when I’m the one that made it happen.” There’s a male smugness to his face. I can’t help but messing with him.

“You sure about that?” The smile drops from his face, and it takes all my discipline to keep from grinning. “What if it was Hunter or Cody or--”

His hand covers my mouth. “Please don’t say any more of my pack members’ names, or I won’t be responsible for what happens.”

I smirk. “You can’t be serious.”

“Oh, I’m deadly serious. If any of them touch you, or act on an attraction to you, they’re dead men.”

I blink up at him. “Bryce, they’re your pack members.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’ve waited for you for a long time, Ava. I’m barely keeping control of my wolf as it is. It wouldn’t take much for me to end one of them if I thought they were a threat to you.”

We hear a door open down the hallway. “Let’s get to the car,” he suggests. Neither of us says a word as we walk out of the building and to the car. He closes my door and walks around to the other side of the car. He gets in and starts the car and then turns to me.