Page 1 of Healed Heart

Prologue

Jason

My office looks like a storm went through it.Papers are scattered across my desk’s surface and onto the floor, some crumpled.My computer monitor is tilted, and drawers hang open, their contents dumped out.On the bookshelves, textbooks and journals have been pulled out and tossed aside.The locks on my filing cabinet have been forced open.I look inside to see that several file folders are ripped.

Someone in here was looking for something, and they were doing it quickly.

What the hell could I possibly be keeping in here that would be worth ransacking my office so crudely?

I close the door behind me, locking it.I walk over to my desk, looking through the papers.It’s mostly copies of old syllabi, lecture notes, even some old patient-related files from when I was still a surgeon.I couldn’t bear to part with them when I stopped cutting.I needed some sort of connection to the past.

Speaking of connections to the past…

A single envelope, slightly wrinkled, is strewn to the side carelessly by whoever searched my office.

To Jason…

Christ.It’s the note that Lindsay left behind the day she killed herself.

I’ve never read it.

The day she died, I stuffed it in my pocket.I gave it to one of the cops who eventually came over.He gave it one look and then returned it to me.It was pretty easy to tell what had happened.

That night, I came into the hospital and placed this envelope at the bottom of my lowest desk drawer.Far away from my everyday files and documents, but a small lifeline to the woman who was once the love of my life if I ever needed it.

I don’t know why—I really should be focusing on more important things right now—but I pull the note out of the envelope.Maybe now that I’m about to get some of my life back, I can handle the letter’s contents.

Then a knock on my door.“Dr.Lansing?”

“One second.”I look at the first words.

Jason, I’m sorry, but I can’t carry this weight any longer.

I feel a sting in my gut.But there’s another feeling, one I can’t quite place.Is it…wariness?

Another knock on my door, louder this time.“Dr.Lansing!Please open the door.”

“Be there in a minute,” I say.

Probably some student trying to get extra office hours, despite the fact that mine are by appointment only.I return to the note.

Losing her shattered me in ways I can’t put into words.I’ve tried to be strong—for you, for us—but the pain is relentless, and I can’t see a way forward.

Please know this isn’t your fault.You gave me everything, but I’ve lost myself in the void she left behind.I hope you find peace someday, even if I couldn’t.

I squint at the note.Something is wrong here.Lindsaydidblame me.She could never say it out loud, but I could tell every moment of the rest of her short life that she harbored resentment toward me for the death of our daughter.

I’ll love you forever.See you on the other side, babe.

Lindsay

Three more sharp knocks.“Open the door now, Dr.Lansing.”

I whip my head back to the door.“Christ!I’ll be there in a second.I’m…changing.”

“You have thirty seconds, or I’ll knock the door down.”

Knock the door down?Definitely not a student, then.Maybe it’s Peter.He probably heard about how my meeting with Dr.Steel went, and he’s concerned I’ve gone off the deep end.