Page 4

Carrie

I stayed in the shower until the water ran cold, scrubbing my skin raw trying to remove every trace of blood. The hot water had helped ease some of the tension in my muscles, but my mind was still racing. I’d killed two men tonight. Two human beings who had lives and families and… I shook my head, trying to dislodge the thoughts.

They would have killed me. Or worse.

After drying off, I wrapped myself in one of the large, surprisingly soft towels and cracked open the bathroom door. True to his word, Hawk had left a small pile of clothes just outside the bathroom door. Women’s clothes -- a pair of sweatpants, a T-shirt, underwear still in the pack, and socks. The sweatpants were a perfect fit, but the shirt was miles too big. After pulling it over my head, I inhaled deeply. Then I pulled the collar up to my nose and inhaled again. Definitely a man’s. Didn’t matter. I was grateful I had something clean. The soft fabric felt like heaven against my skin.

The bedroom just outside the bathroom was sparsely furnished but clean. A king-size bed dominated the space, with plain gray sheets and a black comforter. There was a dresser against one wall and a small desk in the corner. No personal touches that I could see. Was this Hawk’s room? It didn’t feel lived in.

My body felt like it weighed a thousand pounds as I sank onto the bed. It didn’t feel right, sitting on someone else’s bed without their express permission. Maybe he meant I should sleep on the couch? I left the small bedroom to a larger living room where an old sofa sat along one wall. There were no pillows or a blanket or anything, but I honestly didn’t care. I was too beat to care.

Since I had to get up anyway, I dug through the bag of stuff Hawk had left and found a toothbrush still in its packaging, so I took that and went to the bathroom to brush the gunk out of my mouth. The thought brought on a whole ’nother bout of anxiety.

I slumped against the vanity as I struggled to open the toothbrush and glanced at the mirror. Huge mistake. The face that stared back at me from the mirror was nearly unrecognizable. I was pale, with haunted, wild eyes. Lingering panic still had my pupils blown. My light brown hair was a tangled mess, but at least all the blood was out of it. I had avoided the mirror at all costs until now so I could only imagine what I’d looked like before.

“Oh God,” I whispered, reality crashing down on me again. “What did I do?” I glanced at the clothes in the corner where I’d tossed them. They’d been torn and bloody and I’d tried not to look at them much before, but now I couldn’t take my eyes from the pile.

I shook myself. “Get over it, Carrie. It’s all over and done with. You’ll never have to do something like that again because once you get home, you’re never leaving.” Except I didn’t have a home. I’d left. And my father told me if I left, never come back.

A quiet sob broke free before I could stifle it. Two tears slid down my cheeks and I angrily dashed them away. This would not break me. It would not !

As the adrenaline continued to fade, exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks. My body felt like it weighed a ton. I kept seeing the bloody clothes on the floor.

I gripped the toothbrush tightly in my hand, squeezing until my knuckles turned white. A faint voice rang in my head that sounded suspiciously like my father’s whispered, “Weak,” but I pushed it away.

“Bastard.” I didn’t hate my father, but he wasn’t an easy man. And he was definitely not easy on his children. Except for me. At least, that’s what he said. It never felt like he went easy on me, but I suppose, compared to my brothers, he had.

I shook it off. Had to. Just getting through the next few hours was going to be more than I could handle without hearing my dad’s voice in my head telling me how inept and disappointing I was.

Brushing my teeth helped me feel more human again, the mint taste replacing the coppery flavor still lingering. I shuddered, trying not to think about where that taste had come from.

When I finally made it back to the couch, I curled into a ball at one end, not even bothering to look for a blanket. Sleep claimed me almost instantly.

I jolted awake to the sound of the door opening. Disoriented, I shot upright, my heart hammering in my chest.

“Easy, Killer. Just me.” Hawk’s deep voice cut through the panic. He stood in the doorway, his massive frame blocking most of the light from the hallway. “Sorry I woke you.”

I blinked, trying to get my bearings. “What time is it?”

“Just after two a.m. You’ve been out for about three hours.” He stepped inside, closing the door softly behind him. The room was dim, the only lighting coming from the kitchen area over the stove.

I swung my legs over the side of the couch to sit properly. Not sure what to say, I gestured over my shoulder to the bathroom. “I, uh, my clothes…”

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of them.”

“Do I…” I cleared my throat. “I mean, should I keep them? Like for evidence or something?”

Hawk snorted. “Nah. I can disappear those if you’d like. Probably the best idea anyway.” He crossed slowly to the couch and sat on the other side from me. “You up for a little talk?”

Instantly my hackles rose. I pulled my knees to my chest and focused my complete attention on Hawk. “Am I in trouble? Did you call the cops?”

“Honey, no one here is gonna call the cops on you. We avoid them at all costs.”

“Even if someone deserves it?”

“We take care of it ourselves.” He studied me for a moment, his gaze intense but not unkind. “You hungry? I brought food.” He gestured to a bag I hadn’t noticed before.

My stomach growled loudly in response, and I felt my cheeks heat with embarrassment. “I guess that’s a yes.”

Hawk’s lips quirked in a half-smile as he stood and moved to the small kitchen area. “Hope you like burgers. Not much else available at this hour.”

“Anything sounds amazing right now.” I watched as he unpacked the food -- two large burgers, fries, and some cans of pop. The smell made my mouth water. “Thank you.”

He brought the food over, setting it on the coffee table between us. “When’s the last time you ate, Carrie?”

I shrugged, unwrapping my burger with trembling hands. “Yesterday morning, I think? Maybe the day before.” Time had become a blur lately. I’d been focused on simply surviving to pay too much attention to anything else.

“Eat up, honey.” He set a pop on the coffee table in front of me. “I can get you something else to drink if you want.”

“No.” I grabbed the can and popped the top, chugging a good portion before swiping the back of my hand over my mouth. I started to set it down, but thought better and chugged the rest. Which was followed by an impressive belch.

I clapped a hand over my mouth, mortified. “Sorry,” I mumbled. I cringed and ducked my head. I wasn’t typically this rude. At least, I didn’t think I was. But I was so hungry, and the food smelled amazing, and the caffeine in the soda had gone straight to my head.

Hawk just chuckled, the sound rumbling deep in his chest. “Don’t apologize. Nice to see you’ve got an appetite.” He sat back in his seat and rested one ankle on the opposite knee. “Impressive range. Better out than in.”

I couldn’t help the surprised laugh that escaped me. “That’s what my brother Zach always says.” The memory made my chest ache. Despite everything, I missed my family. Well, my brothers, anyway.

Hawk pushed the container of fries toward me. “Eat. Then we’ll talk.”

The burger was like ambrosia, greasy and perfect. The fries were hot and salty, the best thing I’d ever tasted. I devoured the innocent sandwich and deep-fried potatoes with embarrassing speed, barely pausing to breathe. When I finished, I wiped my mouth with a napkin and eyed the second burger.

“That’s yours too,” Hawk said, gesturing to a second wrapped burger. “I already ate.”

“You sure?” My stomach growled again, making the decision for me. I reached for the second burger without waiting for his answer and the big oaf grinned but stayed silent. I got the feeling he had something to say, but was holding back.

As I ate, Hawk watched me with a calculating expression that made me nervous. “What?” I asked around a mouthful of food.

“Just trying to figure you out, Killer.” He leaned back, his massive frame making the couch look small. “Where’d you learn to fight like that?”

I swallowed hard. “Told you. Six brothers and a hard-ass dad.”

“That explains some basic self-defense, but not the skill you used on the two men we found. Also, Knight found the footage and we’ve all watched you fight. You gave those guys every opportunity to run. It looked like you were begging them to leave. Even after you’d already handed them their asses.”

“Yeah. The harder I pleaded with them to leave, the less likely they were to go. I knew that, but I kept asking them to just walk away.”

“Also, there was a third guy.”

I started and I felt my cheeks heat. “Fuck. I forgot about him.” Yeah, my dad would be laughing at me so hard right now. Then he’d tell me how a girl was useless to him.

Knuckles raised an eyebrow. “Forgot? How do you forget a third combatant?”

I couldn’t help but cringe and all the food I’d just consumed threatened to come back up. Typically, what would have followed would be a lecture to do any drill sergeant proud. After that, an epic beating disguised as training.

“I was focused on the two guys in front of me,” I admitted quietly. I put my chin up because I would not cower in front of this guy. I couldn’t afford to. Because, while he was being nice now -- they all had -- I didn’t know these people. Also, this guy talked just like my dad. He used the same words. I could almost recite the coming beratement word for word. I knew better than to lie, though. He already knew I’d lost sight of the third guy, but he didn’t know the full breakdown. I cleared my throat, trying to choke back bile. “I’m not sure I realized there was a third guy. It’s all a blur, really.”

Hawk nodded slowly. “That happens in a fight. Tunnel vision. But here’s the thing -- that third guy? Someone else took care of him.”

My head snapped up. “What?”

“Yeah. Knight found footage of a fourth person who snapped the third guy’s neck after you wounded him. Clean, professional kill.” Hawk leaned forward, his eyes intent on mine. “Any idea who that might have been?”

“No,” I whispered, genuinely shocked. “I swear, I had no idea anyone else was there.”

“You being followed, Carrie?”

I shook my head. “Not that I know of. I mean, I’ve been on my own for a few weeks now, moving around, trying to stay under the radar.”

“Under the radar from who?”

I hesitated, looking down at my hands. I wasn’t sure how much to admit to this guy. My whole life had been about secrets. It was drilled into me from the time I could talk that I didn’t ever talk about family secrets with anyone. Ever. Under any circumstance. Now that I’d made a break from my father and my brothers, did that rule still hold?

“I…”

“You don’t have to tell me everything if you’re not ready. But I do need to know if there is a possibility someone’s comin’ to the compound after you.”

I bit my lip, weighing my options. I didn’t want to put these people in danger, and I didn’t want to lie when they’d shown me nothing but kindness, but the ingrained secrecy had me hesitating to say much. “My father might be looking for me,” I finally admitted. “He’s… not a good person.”

“What kind of ‘not good’ are we talking about?” Hawk’s voice was carefully neutral, but I could see the tension in his shoulders. When I didn’t immediately answer, Hawk asked another question. “Your dad. The one who taught you to fight like that?”

“Yeah.” I shifted uncomfortably. “Look. You’re going to have to bear with me. My whole life has been about secrets, Hawk. I want to tell you everything, but my entire being is telling me to shut the hell up and leave so I don’t have to tell you anything.”

“Just because you don’t want to spill secrets you’ve kept your entire life doesn’t mean you have to leave. But I need to know if there’s a threat on your heels. A simple yes or no is fine. For now.” There was a measure of kindness in his voice and expression, but also an underlying insinuation he’d expect more later. Either when trouble showed up, or when I trusted him more. I had a feeling the former would happen before the latter.

I took a breath. I’d left the family. While I didn’t want my brothers in trouble, they hadn’t exactly tried to help me. OK, so they had. Kind of. They always looked out for me and hadn’t allowed our father to spar with me if they could help it. If Father was trying to teach me a lesson, one of my brothers would insist on doing the teaching. Unfortunately, Father stopped giving me his “lessons” when my brothers were around a few years ago. I owed my father nothing. Anything I’d gained in being able to defend myself, I’d more than repaid in sweat and enough blood to fill an ocean. No tears. Never tears. “My dad is… intense.”

“If he’s the one who taught you to fight, then yeah. I’d say he’s intense.”

“There is a possibility he’ll come for me. I don’t think he’d hire someone to kill me. He wouldn’t trust my brothers to bring me back. Says they’re too soft on me. No, if he decides I’m worth the trouble, if there is something he needs from me, he’ll come to get me himself.”

Hawk handed me a photo. It was a closeup of a man as he broke the neck of the third attacker. My breath caught. The photo was a bit pixelated where it had been enlarged, but there was no denying the man in the photo was my brother looking up at the camera. “You know that man.” It wasn’t a question because my expression, once again, gave everything away.

“Yes. That’s my oldest brother, Victor.” My heart pounded. “Did he follow me here? Did you see him?”

“This is the only image Knight found, and no one has been near the walls that anyone has seen.”

“You might not see him,” I said quietly. “All of them are good at not being seen. It surprises me you got this photo.”

“Wouldn’t have except Knight pulled footage from cameras way the fuck away from where your brother was.”

Slowly, Hawk reached over and put his hand over mine. “You’re safe here, Carrie. No one’s getting to you unless you want them to.” The certainty in his voice was comforting, even if I wasn’t sure I believed him.

“You don’t know my father,” I whispered. “When I left, he let me. That in itself surprised me, but he also said if I left, I couldn’t come back. I thought that meant he’d leave me alone. I don’t think he thought I could make it by myself and the shit of it is, he was right.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“No, Hawk.” I took in another deep breath, my chest tightening with anxiety. “You don’t understand.”

There was a knock at the door. The knob rattled as someone tried to enter. They knocked again. “Hawk? You in there?”

“Christ.” Hawk scrubbed a hand over his face as he stood. He stomped to the door and jerked it open. “What.” The word was bitten out with anger and annoyance. I’d heard the tone many times throughout my life.

The man at the door glanced in my direction before turning his attention back to Hawk. “We’ve got a situation. Knuckles and Torpedo want her in Church. There’s been a development.”

“Church?” I squeaked out the word before I could stop myself. This wasn’t the time to draw attention to myself. I guess my dad was right. I was a complete failure. I couldn’t even keep my mouth shut when it could mean life or death. Because, as I’d already told myself multiple times, I didn’t know these guys.

“Club meeting,” Hawk explained tersely, then turned back to the man at the door. “What kind of development?”

“Car pulled up, then disappeared. Knight says whoever it was knew exactly where our cameras were. Also managed to take a route that avoided other cameras away from the area like we caught the guy who killed her third attacker. We’ve got nothing except a glimpse of a dark sedan and the fact that there are no plates.”

Hawk turned to me, his expression grim. “Looks like we’re headed to Church. Can you walk, or do you need me to carry you?”

I stood quickly, swaying slightly as my head rushed from the sudden movement. I thought I hid it, but the look Hawk gave me said otherwise. Yeah. Complete failure. “I can walk.”

Hawk nodded his head crispy and took my hand. “Stay close to me.”

“What’s Church?” I whispered to Hawk as we briskly walked from the room down the hall.

“Club meeting room. Usually just for members, but this is an exception.” His voice was low. “Nothing for you to worry about. They have questions and will want answers. I’ll be with you the whole time, but if there are any surprises, you might want to let me know now.”

“Surprises.” My chuckle sounded as bitter as I felt. “That pretty much describes my entire family, Hawk. My life .”

We descended two flights of stairs and went through a series of hallways before going down one last set. There was a man at the door. He glanced from Hawk to me, then nodded back at Hawk and opened the door.

Sounds of men talking filtered through the room as we walked in. Hawk still had my hand firmly in his as he took me to a seat at one of the tables in the room. Other than big, solid steel folding chairs and several folding tables, there was nothing else in the enormous room. We sat in silence. Several of the men glanced in our direction but said nothing. A group of men were off to themselves looking at a tablet one of them had, murmuring softly.

Finally, they all moved toward one long table at the front of the group and sat. “Carrie? Do you remember me from the gate?”

“You’re Knuckles,” I answered. “Hannah is your, er, old lady?”

“That’s right.” The corner of his lips lifted in a slight smile. “Good. Hannah told me not to give you my growly face and scare you off, so I’ve instructed Hawk to be your advocate since you seem comfortable with him. I tend to look at the overall picture instead of how my decisions might affect everyone and not just the club.”

“I don’t want to cause problems for you.” I looked around at the men in the room. “ Any of you.”

Knuckles gave me a nod of acknowledgment. “We’ll get to the issues facing us in a bit. Right now, let me do some brief introductions.” He indicated the men sitting at the table with him. “This is Gunnar.” This man wasn’t as big as Knuckles or Hawk, but was every bit as intimidating. All these guys had the same hard look about them. It was kind of like my dad and brothers but more… feral? They didn’t seem at home in this setting for some reason, like they were uncomfortable with the windowless walls around them, even though the space was brightly lit. “He’s Hannah’s brother and my closest friend. Torpedo and Bohannon” -- he indicated two men on his other side -- “are our president and vice president respectively.”

Torpedo picked up when Knuckles stopped. “Knuckles is in charge of the situation as it stands.” He addressed everyone, looking around the room. “Any questions, problems, solutions… anything regarding this matter, Knuckles will address.” Obviously, there was more going on than I was aware of, but I knew enough to realize the less I knew the better.

My insides twisted with nerves. These men were likely getting ready to discuss my fate and I was at their mercy. I was grateful they were at least letting me sit in to listen. Hawk still hadn’t let go of my hand and he squeezed harder under the table. Encouragement or a warning to keep quiet? I looked up at him and, though his expression didn’t change, he winked at me. I nodded at him, deciding my best course of action was to take my cues from him.

“Knight, our intelligence officer, has some questions for you.” Knuckles gestured to a younger man with a tablet sitting next to Gunnar at the head honcho table, as I thought of it.

“Carrie, I need to know about your brother Victor.” His voice was smooth and pleasant. It belied his full beard and shaggy hair, to say nothing of all the tattoos. His face was covered in them as was most of the skin on his arms I could see. Even the whites of his eyes looked like they’d been tattooed or colored in somehow. He looked eerie as hell.

“What about him?” My voice was barely a thread of sound.

“Did you know he was following you?”

I glanced at Hawk, who gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. “I… I don’t know for sure that he was. I didn’t know he was there until you showed me that picture.”

“But you’re not surprised,” Knight said flatly. It wasn’t a question.

“No,” I admitted. “Victor and Zach always looked out for me.”

Hawk stirred beside me. “More than your other brothers?”

I shrugged. “Victor was the most obvious. As the oldest he made it his responsibility to look after us all. Kind of like Father was the general, but Vic was the one leading the troops into battle. The others helped me, too, but they were more subtle. Things would just break in my favor and one of my brothers would always be there. Most of the time they still looked disapprovingly at me, but they still helped me in whatever way they could. Zach is seven years older than me, so we were kind of kids together. What little childhood we had. The others were teenagers when I was born.” I stiffened, sitting up straighter and snatching my hand from Hawk’s grip. That got me nowhere as he just reached over and snagged my hand again.

“Woman.” His tone brooked no argument, so I didn’t continue to try to get free of him. “Settle. We’re not gonna use anything against you. You’re not in danger from us.” He rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand under the table. The gesture seemed out of place for the big man, but if he was trying to calm me, that touch was working. The tenderness of it made my heart ache when I knew there was nothing to read into the innocent touch. I had to blink back tears because how sad was it I practically melted under Hawk’s simple caress?

I nodded and whispered, “OK.” He squeezed my hand again but didn’t let go like I thought he would. “I’m sorry.” Panic was beginning to overwhelm me and before I realized what I was doing, I shifted my hand and Hawk’s so I could grip his big hand in both of mine. I cringed to think about how sweaty my palms were. Another visceral reaction to my environment my dad would be disgusted about. “What I just told you about my family is more than I’ve ever told anyone. We don’t… share .”

“How about we start simple.” Knight smiled at me. With the tats on his face and the bright red of his eyes, he looked more than a little deranged. “What’s your last name.”

“Yeah,” I muttered. “You’d think that would be simple, huh.”

“It’s not?” Hawk raised an eyebrow at me.

“No.”

When I didn’t elaborate, Knuckles spoke again. “Why not?” The demand in his question was clear.

“Because, I don’t have a last name.”