Page 1 of Having HIs Back

What the hell am I doing? Kerry Sutherland asked himself, clinging to the edge of the bed next to Trevor, his boyfriend, who had spread out across the mattress the way he always did. They had been dating for a month, and Kerry strongly suspected that the end of this particular relationship was zooming up on them.

“Hey,” Trevor said as he woke, stretching out like a sleek cat, making no effort to provide any room for Kerry. “What time is it?” He rolled over to check the clock, the covers pulling away, giving Kerry a flash of Trevor’s incredible ass.

Heck, it might be worth staying with him just for that ass. But no. Kerry got out of bed even though his first client appointment wasn’t for a few hours.

Trevor jumped out of bed and began pulling on his clothes.

“What’s the rush?”

“I have to be at work in forty-five minutes. You let me sleep too late.” That was typical and reminded Kerry why this relationship had to end. Everything was always someone else’s fault, and no matter how hot, well endowed, or talented with his backside that Trevor was, this was not going to work. Trevor pulled on his shirt. “Do you want to get together on Wednesday? We could have dinner or something.”

Kerry shrugged. “I think this is probably about as far as we can go. We had some good times and all, but I don’t see things moving forward for us. Do you?” He really hoped he could end this in as friendly a way as possible.

Trevor stared at him, not blinking. “You’re dumping me?” He actually put his hands over his chest in disbelief. “You have to be kidding me. Don’t you know that I’m a catch?”

Did he actually fucking say that? It took Kerry a few seconds to make sure he had heard him right.

“Sweetheart, if you have to tell someone you’re a catch, then believe me, you aren’t. You’re a nice enough guy and great in bed, but beyond that, we don’t have much in common. Besides, do you really think I don’t know about the fact that on nights we don’t see each other, you’re cruising down at the Triangle? And that’s why things aren’t going to go anywhere between us. We want different things. So go on and have your fun.”

“Is there someone else?” Trevor asked, and Kerry shook his head.

“I want more than what we can have.” He stayed calm, even though he wasn’t sure if Trevor was going to blow up or not. But eventually, Trevor sat down and pulled on his shoes. Then he gathered the few things he had in the apartment before swooshing out of the room and slamming the door hard enough to rattle the dishes.

Kerry sighed as he wondered exactly what he’d just done. It wasn’t like he was interested in anyone else, but it seemed that no amount of good sex was worth being second best in your own relationship.

He dressed and double-checked his client schedule before sitting at the table with a cup of coffee, snatching up his phone when it rang. “This is Kerry.”

“Oh, thank goodness,” the woman on the other side of the line said. “I’m Karen, and I’ve been trying to find the number for you. I’m Caroline’s neighbor. She and I have been friends for years, and I have Henry and Phillip at the house with me.”

Instantly, Kerry was on edge. “What’s happened? Where is Caroline?” She and the boys were the only family he had left after their parents’ death in a car accident five years ago. When it came to men, his sister was a loser magnet. But for her boys, she was a tiger and a wonderful mother.

“Phillip came over this morning because he couldn’t find his mother. I went back to the house with him. Henry was still there. I got them settled and then went to look for Caroline. I found her in the garage.” She began to cry. “The police are here, and they are going through Caroline’s house right now.”

Kerry gasped. “Are you telling me that she’s…?”

“She passed away,” Karen said, and cried harder. “The boys are fine. They’re playing with my daughters, and I’m doing the best I can to keep everyone calm and away from the windows in front.” She sounded broken, but Kerry could only imagine how those boys were going to feel once someone told them that their mother was dead.

“I’m going to clear my schedule, and I’ll get on the road down from Seattle as quickly as I can get there. Don’t let the police talk to the boys. I’ll explain to them about their mother. Please don’t let anyone else do it. I’ll call you at this number when I’m on the road.”

“Good. These boys need their family.”

“I’m on my way.” He ended the call and made another to the scheduling department at the practice. He explained what had happened, and Shirley said not to worry about anything—she would clear the week and reschedule all his appointments.

“Thank you. You’re a gem,” he told her as he pulled out a bag from his closet.

“Chocolate,” she told him, and Kerry half smiled. Shirley’s sweet tooth was legendary.

“You got it. Let me know if there is anything super urgent.”

“I will. You take care of your family,” she told him as he shoved pants, socks, shirts, and underwear into the bag. He also packed a sweatshirt as he said goodbye. Then he got the rest of what he needed and locked the door behind him before hurrying out of the apartment. Less than fifteen minutes from the initial call, he was in his car and on the road south toward Olympia.

Traffic was a pain in the ass south of the airport, with clouds obscuring everything. On days when it was clear, Mount Rainier could be seen to the west, but on a day like today, she was shrouded in gray, just like Kerry’s mood. But he kept all that at bay, just thinking about his nephews and knowing that they needed him. That was all there was to it. Each and every mile of the trip increased his anxiety about Caroline, the boys, and what the hell he was walking into.

It was hard for him to believe that his sister was gone. She was vibrant, one of those people with a zest for life. The men she chose were terrible, but that never seemed to bother her. She’d kick them out, and if the men showed up again, she’d kick their asses. That was Caroline. And she loved her boys with everything she had. Those boys were the center of her life, and she doted on them. And for them to lose her…. Kerry felt himself speed up just to try to get there faster. But of course, he was stuck in traffic, and there was no place for him to go.

As soon as the traffic broke, he pushed his Toyota Sienna as fast as he dared to go until he reached the turnoff for Olympia. He took the exit and made his way directly to the residential neighborhood where his sister rented a house.

He parked just down the street, away from the police vehicles, and approached a scene of sheer chaos. Phillip was out in the yard, still in his pajamas, screaming at the top of his lungs in absolute agony. Henry held the hand of a lady that Kerry assumed was Karen.

“What the hell is going on?” Kerry asked as he marched over to Phillip and lifted him into his arms. “Remember me? I’m Uncle Kerry.”

Phillip clung to him, tears running down his cheeks. “They said Mommy is dead and then they took Pebbles.” He began crying all over again.

“Is this Miss Karen?” he asked Phillip, trying to give him something to focus on other than his grief, at least for a few seconds. Phillip nodded. “Do you like her?” He nodded again. “Then will you stay with Miss Karen while I see what’s going on? I promise I’ll be right back.” He gently set Phillip down, and Phillip took Karen’s other hand. Then Kerry took a few deep breaths, which only increased his anger, but what the fuck. He marched over to where a number of officers were gathered.

“Sir,” one of them said, but Kerry ignored him.

“I want the man in charge, now!” he snapped, using the voice he’d perfected when he taught high school psychology for a year. After that, he knew he wanted to go back for his masters.

“Detective Morrow is in charge here,” he said after a second. “But I’d…,” he began, though Kerry, under a full head of steam, was already on his way over.

“What is going on here?” Kerry demanded as he approached the officer.

“And you are?” He had the look of someone who was used to being the center of attention and taken seriously.

“Kerry Sutherland, Caroline’s brother, and uncle to two very upset boys. Apparently, one of you took it upon yourselves to tell the boys that their mother was gone.” He looked around at each of them, waiting for the slight incline of a head that would show the guilty party… and he got it. “Smooth move. Are you happy? This sort of news should be delivered by a family member if possible. Not someone the kids don’t know. Secondly, you have two kids who have lost their mom, and you left them traumatized and screaming on the grass… and you took away the dog.” His indignation kept building. “So, detective, I think you have a lot of explaining to do.” Kerry took a moment and got as good look at the man in question. His eyes were piercingly dark, his hair clipped short, and his clothes had to have been made for him, because nobody got that kind of sinful fit by accident.

“Are you done?” he asked, as calm as could be.

“No. These kids are my first priority. So, I expect someone to return the dog now. Unless you did something to Pebbles—then you’ll all be in deep shit. And the officer who spoke to the kids, incorrectly and possibly illegally, will explain to me exactly what he said so I can try to help these kids.”

“And who are you?”

Was he bemused? Kerry wanted to smack that look off his face, but he held himself in check.

He cleared his throat. Clearly he hadn’t been listening. “Dr. Kerry Sutherland, with Randall and Sutherland. We specialize in child psychology. I helped the state write the rules regarding child victims and interactions with law enforcement.” Let Officer Sanctimonious chew on that for a second or two.

“And I’m Brian Morrow, the lead detective on this case. Yes, you can definitely speak to our officer.” He opened his notebook. “We took the dog because we found blood on him, and we need to get it tested as quickly as possible. It could be from the person who killed your sister. As soon as we get the samples we need, I will bring Pebbles back.”

“All right.” At least that was something he could tell the boys.

“We’re still gathering evidence in the house, and I’d like to talk to the boys to find out if they saw anything.”

Kerry shook his head. “Not right now. They have been through too much at the moment, and what I need to do now is to try to explain to them that their mother isn’t coming back.”

“Do they have a guardian?” Detective Morrow asked.

“Yes. Me.” Lord help them all. Caroline had made a will a year earlier because Kerry had told her she had to. She had asked him to raise the boys if she couldn’t. And now it looked as if that unlikely event was coming to pass.

“Good.”

“Can we go into the house?”

“We’re done in the main rooms there, but stay out of the garage. We’ll seal it off when we’re done, so stay out of it for a few days until we know that there isn’t more we need to see.”

Kerry returned to where Karen stood with the boys. He introduced himself and apologized for ignoring her earlier. Then he took Phillip into his arms, and Henry silently wrapped his arms around Kerry’s legs. “We can go inside if you want,” Kerry said. At least they could sleep in their own beds and have their own rooms. Kerry would figure out what he was going to do eventually, but right now, all he could do was look after the kids and try to help them through their grief. He had been trained in things like this, but helping others was one thing. Trying to help your own family was quite another. Still, these kids needed him, and he would be there come hell or high water.

“I’m hungry,” Phillip told him softly, and Kerry led them inside to see what he could find to eat.

The house looked pretty much the same. He could tell that people had been through it, but at least there wasn’t a mess. He went with Phillip to check out his room and then did the same with Henry, who took his hand but didn’t say a word. He just kept looking up at him with his huge blue eyes, seeming adrift and at a loss. It sucked that these boys had to go through this.

Kerry knelt in front of Henry. “It’s going to be okay. I promise you that. You and Phillip are going to stay with me, and I will look after both of you.” He waited for some sort of reaction, but all he got were a few blinks and then a slight nod.

He had worked with traumatized children before, and he’d had some that were nonverbal, at least for a while, so all he could do was give Henry some time and hopefully he’d work things through. If not, then he’d step in and help him as best he could.

“You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. But if there is something you want to tell me, then you can do that too.” He hugged him, and Henry went into his arms, holding him, but other than a sigh, he didn’t make a sound.

“Are you hungry?” he asked, and Henry blinked. He might have nodded a little, and Kerry took him to the kitchen and went through his sister’s pantry. He found some pasta and put water on the stove to cook.

“We like buttered noodles,” Phillip said, calming down as he sat in his chair. “Is Mommy really gone and not coming back?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so.” He believed in telling kids the truth. “But I’m going to be here, and you’ll live with me. I’ll care for you and do my best for both of you. Okay?” He had had this kind of conversation with a number of kids, but never before had he been a party to the situation.

“But I want Mommy back,” Phillip said softly, looking down at the table.

“I know you do,” Kerry said as gently as he could to both of them. “And if I could, I’d bring her back for you. But I can’t. No one can.”

“Why not?” Phillip asked, and Kerry knelt between the boys. “Grownups can do anything.”

Kerry sighed. “No, we can’t. Not really. But it’s okay to be sad and to cry if you want.” He tried to be as soothing as he could.

“When will Pebbles be back?” Phillip asked. “I want him.”

“I know you do, and the police will bring him back. I promise.” He was doing as much reassuring as he could. “Let’s have some lunch, and after that, we can find something to do.” He returned to the stove, got the pasta on, and pulled out some butter. He got the pasta cooked and drained, then put butter and a little garlic on it before making up their plates and setting them on the table.

The kids ate quietly, and Kerry got them each a glass of milk before sitting down with them. He wasn’t hungry, but he didn’t want them to be alone. Phillip talked through much of the lunch while Henry ate and stayed quiet.

After they were finished, he took care of the dishes and let the kids go to their rooms. Phillip played quietly in his room, while Henry lay on his bed staring up at the ceiling. Kerry went into the room and sat on the side of the bed. He figured he’d keep him company. “You can talk to me if you want.”

Henry shrugged.

“It’s perfectly okay to be sad and to feel bad.”

Again, he got a shrug. Knowing it was best not to push him, he squeezed Henry’s hand and then left the room. He knew it would help if six-year-old Henry talked about what he was feeling, maybe yell or even cry, but the silence was unsettling. Still, he knew he had to let things happen in Henry’s time.

Kerry cleaned up the kitchen and then wandered down the hall to Caroline’s room. He slowly opened the door and peered inside. The bed was unmade, but the room was spotless. He went inside and wished she was there to give him hell for being in her room, the way she had when they were kids. He sat on the side of the bed, wishing to all hell that she was still there. “Those boys need you. I know you wanted me to look after them, but I don’t know if I’m going to be good enough for that. What they really need is you, but you’re gone, and they’re stuck with me.” And he didn’t know what he was going to do.