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Raelyn was staring at a swirled pattern on the countertop as she chewed the inside of her lip, trying not to let the tears fall.

It felt like her heart fell into her stomach.

Her eyes burned, her throat was sore with the lump that filled the center of it, and she absolutely did not want to cry in front of Emerson.

“I gotta say I’m surprised,” Emerson sighed. “After hearing how crazy he’s always been about you, I thought he meant it.”

“Me too,” Raelyn’s voice came out a squeak, barely more than a whisper.

More silence passed between them. The espresso machine beeped and Emerson stood up, grabbed a glass out of the cupboard and filled it with ice.

Raelyn heard him getting something out of the fridge, still focusing her gaze on that spot on the countertop.

Emerson set a glass of iced coffee with just the right amount of sweet cream right on the spot where she was staring.

She blinked and looked at the glass, then furrowed her eyebrows before looking at Emerson.

“I’d give you something stronger, but then we might end up sleeping together again,” he said, sitting back on the seat next to her.

“You really think you’re that irresistible.” She took a long drink of the iced coffee. Perfection. At least he got this part right . “Thank you.”

“So,” Emerson began, looking as if he were contemplating how or if he should continue, “Why didn’t you guys get together forever ago? You were best friends as kids and then...what?”

“You’re seriously asking for our story?” Raelyn looked at him skeptically.

“I’m curious. I remember that time I went to your parents’ house and you showed me your old room...there were pictures of you guys everywhere. And you just shrugged it off like he was some kid you knew once and now he was famous.”

Raelyn remembered Emerson asking her about the boy in all her childhood pictures.

She’d just said “Oh, that’s Quinn.” He’d spotted a picture of them at a high school baseball game and asked “Quinn Casey?” After confirming that she had indeed been friends with the professional athlete, he’d asked several questions.

Then he’d found the picture of them kissing at the state championship game their senior year tucked away, hiding behind a few other photos.

Emerson had pulled it out and held it out to her, with a “Just friends, huh?” to which she had responded that they’d kind of dated for a week, and then he went to college and she hadn’t really seen him since.

Emerson had been the one to leave that picture out front where it was actually visible.

Raelyn remained silent, waiting for the iced coffee to sink in, and contemplating whether she should really say anything. She took another long, silent sip of her beverage.

“Did you catch him cheating?” Emerson pressed on, and she wondered why he was so insistent. Why did he care? What was he getting out of this?

Maybe it was the familiarity of waking up in their best friends’ home and sitting down to have coffee together as they had done so many times before, or maybe it was just that she really needed to talk about it out loud, but she decided to take the bait.

She sighed, “Not in the way I caught you. But I think I saw enough.”

“What’s enough?”

Raelyn glanced sideways at him, and after another swallow of her coffee, she explained the previous night’s events.

Getting too antsy to stay at home, going to the bar, then sneaking up to Jett’s apartment.

Finding out that Quinn had been dropped off already, and finally the scene in the hallway outside his room.

“What did he say when you confronted him?” Emerson asked, and she felt he knew exactly what he was getting at.

When Raelyn didn’t respond, he let out a dry laugh.

“He might have another explanation. Maybe it just looked bad. If Amira and Brody got home early and walked in here to see us having coffee together like this, they’d probably think we hooked up last night.

” This was a good point, but she wasn’t going to admit that to him.

“Or maybe he did cheat and he’d fess up, but at least you’d know.

I know your life has been next to perfect, but you can’t just hide because it could hurt you. ”

“I don’t hide -”

“When was the first time you spoke to me after that night?” Emerson cut in.

“I get that it was a little more cut-and-dry, but still. I had to leave town for work the next day and you’d turned off your phone so we couldn’t talk about it.

And then when I got back you just hid in Jett’s apartment for like a week. ”

“I didn’t feel like there was anything to say,” Raelyn said quietly. “I couldn’t even think of what I wanted to say. And honestly, I was kind of just scared that it would escalate the way all our fighting used to. And I sure as hell didn’t need that.”

Emerson laughed, but it was more of a hum. “Fair point.” He scratched his jaw where his beard was getting longer than he usually let it. “I still think it’s a big assumption. Unless you have a reason to believe he’d do that to you…”

“I don’t,” she admitted, and she felt her heart squeeze tight in her chest. She thought more on what he’d said about it simply looking bad and hoped beyond all hope that’s all it was.

“Has he ever hurt you before?” Emerson questioned. “Apart from acting like a dickhead when he drinks?”

Raelyn shot another sideways glance at him. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why are you asking? Why are you so concerned?”

“I’m not, I’m just nosey,” he replied, though there was a smirk that suggested he simply wasn’t willing to admit that he actually might care. Just a little. “You never told me why you guys quit talking after high school…”

She looked at him for some sign that this was a joke, but he just looked back at her, ready to listen.

“I already know I’m going to regret telling you this,” she said, head falling into her hands as she thought of where to begin.

From the beginning? That seemed like a lot to share, and way too personal.

Emerson didn’t need to know all the intimate details of Quinn’s life, his mother, and their friendship.

She’d give him the cliff notes version: They met when they were seven, became best friends, this continued through high school until junior year when she realized she felt more than that, but was worried about his ability to have an actual relationship.

Then the pact. At this, Emerson laughed, saying it was the dumbest thing he’d ever heard.

“Come on, I had no other way to appeal to him without pouring all my feelings out, and I was terrified that it would backfire. It seemed like a good idea at the time,” she said defensively, her face turning slightly pink. “You wouldn’t have taken me up on it?”

“I lost my virginity at fourteen, so definitely not. I don’t do virgins. Too dramatic.” Emerson shook his head in absolution.

Raelyn laughed. “Well, he did. Only, he wasn’t actually a virgin. So he lied to me about it until the last possible second. I mean, he was opening the condom wrapper and decided to tell me then.”

Emerson let out a low whistle. “Bad move. He should’ve kept his mouth shut.”

“He should’ve told me from the beginning,” Raelyn insisted.

“Would you still have wanted to do it?”

“More than likely,” she replied. “Well, actually, yes. I’m sure I would have. I didn’t really care about the pact at that point. We’d practically been dating for a week by then and I was crazy about him. Like, ready to move across the country with him.”

“So, why didn’t you tell him it was more than sex to you?

” Emerson asked with genuine intrigue. “Isn’t it just as deceitful to have sex with him under the guise of it being ‘just sex’ as it was for him to do it under the guise of it being his first time?

I mean, that sort of put him in a bad spot.

Imagine telling him afterwards that it was more than that, and he didn’t feel the same way.

That would’ve been a shitty position with him being your best friend, and you would’ve felt like shit.

It was risky to just assume he felt the same thing. ”

“That is not the same,” Raelyn said. “And if he hadn’t felt more than that...well, I would’ve probably been even more humiliated.”

“But...you told him that’s all it was.”

“But he lied. ”

Emerson snorted. “But you didn’t even care about what he was lying about.”

Glaring intently at him, trying to ignore the point he was trying to make, she repeated, “He lied. We were best friends for eleven years and he lied.” She gave him a pat on his shoulder, “I wouldn’t expect you to understand how upsetting it is to be deceitful towards women when they actually think you care. ”

“So, how did you end up not seeing each other for so long then? You both did something stupid, but were both into each other...what happened after you talked it out?”

Raelyn looked away and bit her lip. Wow, somehow his entire point had come full circle and she was less than amused. She winced as he shook his head again before saying, “Oh my God, Rae. You fucking hid and never talked it out, didn’t you? You knew you could get hurt, so you avoided it.”

“I was humiliated, okay? And I just...I don’t know. I was terrified at how hurt I was. I didn’t want to feel like that again. If I’d talked to him and I had to hear him actually say that he didn’t feel more…” she trailed off.

“Rae, just go talk to the guy,” said Emerson, finishing his last gulp of coffee. “You can’t just leave loose ends with someone you love that much.”

Raelyn studied him for a moment, not taking her eyes off him as she tipped her glass to her lips. She set it down and looked more curiously at him, one eyebrow raised and the other furrowed just slightly. “You’re weird today.”

Emerson smirked. “Yeah, well, if it doesn’t go well, you’ll be at the bar getting drunk tonight and I’ll make sure I’m there when you’re ready for rebound sex.”