Page 14 of Happy Ending

“Hello?” Drew sounds stuffy, like she’s been awake for far too many consecutive hours.

“I don’t think we should see each other anymore,” I say with a weak voice, trying my best to hold back tears.

I remind myself that this is in both of our best interests.

It’s what I need to do. “At least not in the way that we do.” “What?” Her voice comes in soft, hurt.

The sound of it makes me want to hurl right here in the pristine toilet beside me.

“We can still be friends!” I rush to clarify.

“I mean, I’d like to still be friends.” “Where is this coming from, Laine?” “I’ve just had a lot of revelations recently, and I think it’s for the best.” “Laine, you don’t mean that.

” “I really care about you, Drew. I do, I promise. It’s nothing like that.

” “Then what’s it like? What revelations could you have possibly had that told you that this…

that we were something you didn’t want anymore?

” Her voice cracks through the phone, and I want this call to end.

I can’t take it. I can’t handle hearing her like this.

Knowing that I’m the one who’s caused her tears this time, except I have no choice.

I have to do this. For both of our sakes.

It feels difficult now, but sometimes restoring things to how they were before and choosing peace can’t coincide, and I’m going to have to be okay with that.

“That’s the problem! You’re all I want.” “I don’t see how that’s a problem.

” “Because I shouldn’t!” I yell, too loudly for a public restroom.

“Wow. Okay, I see what this is about. I didn’t think you could be so easily swayed to believe everything they tell you there.

I guess I was wrong about you.” Her voice is direct, and her anger pierces through the phone like a dagger straight to the heart.

I need this call to end. “I haven’t been swayed!

I shouldn’t have even gotten into this mess with you in the first place!

I shouldn’t have let you get so close. I shouldn’t have let you wiggle your way into my life, and I sure shouldn’t have let you become so important to me!

” “Wiggle my way into your life? Need I remind you that you came onto me first? You kissed me first!” The way she says the word “ you ” like I was the only sinner in this situation twists the knife I stabbed into my own heart.

I end the call. I can’t take it anymore.

The whole reason I ended whatever we had in the first place was because of how she made me feel better about myself, but now, I only feel worse.

Tears now fully stream down my face. I can’t keep it in anymore.

I can’t hold in the months of feelings I’d kept stashed away.

Feelings about the move. Feelings about my father.

Feelings for Drew. The air feels heavy, but not like the way it did when I half skinny-dipped and stargazed with Drew.

This time, the air feels filled with a different kind of tension.

The kind of tension that comes with unfavorable emotions.

I rest my head in my hands as the tears flow, no longer caring how obnoxiously loud my sniffling is.

Suddenly, I hear a knock on the bathroom door.

I let out a sigh of relief as I peek out of my stall to find the bathroom still empty.

However, the knocking from the outside persists.

“Heya! You alright in there?” A man’s voice bellows.

I quickly wipe my tears and snot onto my sleeve and pick myself up when I recognize it’s Donovan’s voice.

“Donovan! What are you doing out there?” I shout hurriedly.

“I heard a shout and then some cryin’. Wanted to make sure everything was all right.

” I scurry to open the door. Grabbing the collar of his shirt, I pull him inside.

“Woah! What’s the matt-” His eyes widen as I put my hand over his mouth, shoving him gently so his back is to the wall.

I’m not sure what I’m going to tell him, but there’s no way I’m letting him go before I get my story straight.

Especially not now that he’s seen me like this.

“Hey! What’s wrong with you? I can’t be in here!

This is the girls’ room!” He whisper shouts immediately after I release my hand from his mouth.

He darts for the door, but I reach a hand out, holding the door closed.

“Listen, you can’t tell anyone you found me like this, okay?

” I shake my finger in his face. He puts his thumb and pointer finger together and pulls them across his lips.

“I won’t tell a soul, I promise. I’m a man of my word.

” I’m slightly surprised, although terribly thankful, by how reluctant he is.

“Now, are you gon’ let me outta here?” “No! I mean, just wait.” “Well, if you’re gon’ keep me here, are ya at least gon’ tell me what all this fuss is about?

” “It’s nothing.” I look to the ground, studying the floor tiles ever so intensely.

The embarrassment kicks in again. “Well, it ain’t nothin’.

Else you wouldn’t be messin’ up your pretty cardigan durin’ mass.

” “Really, it’s nothing, Donovan. Just a fight with my best friend.

” “Aw, I heard friend breakups are the worst. I’m sorry, Laine.

” He puts a hand on my shoulder. Friend breakup.

Could this really be a breakup if we weren’t officially together to begin with?

Was she really ever even a friend? Could I call her that anymore?

“Look, it’s not a big deal, I’ll be over it tomorrow.

You know how girls are.” It pains me to play on this stereotype, but it’s the only way I know that will get him to leave it alone.

“Ah, I see. Well, it’s not tomorrow yet; it’s today.

Clearly, you’re still hurtin’. Can I give ya a hug?

” I let him. I appreciate his gesture and his comfort, even if not for the reasons I truly need it.

His body is warm against mine, and his arms feel hard and blocky as they wrap around my upper back.

He pats my back, and I let myself sink into his embrace.

Maybe Donovan isn’t as arrogant as I once thought him to be.

“Now let’s get ya cleaned up and head back out there, alright? ”

******

Despite still feeling uneasy about my call with Drew earlier today, I know I need to finish this project. I need to just work. Work for hours even if it pains me to do so. Now that Drew is out of the picture, I need to try and give this painting a new meaning.

I rush to my room and pull out the canvas from under my bed, grabbing my oil paints and laying down an enormous cloth tarp on my floor. I get to work on the hair first, then the eyes, then the neck.

After about two hours of straight painting and blocking out every other emotion I have right now, I make the final few strokes and then take out a Sharpie to give it a title and sign my name.

It’s not my best work, but I needed for this project to be done.

I needed it to no longer loom over me, carrying the same feelings I tried so hard to suppress. I needed to turn it around.

Pleased with my final result, I call up the community exhibit near Holy Trinity to let them know I have the next greatest addition to their gallery.

19

Drew

J ust when I thought things couldn’t get worse for me, it

did. I shouldn’t have been so stupid to let myself believe Laine could be someone who stays. I should have known she would change. Everyone in my life changes for the worse.

I was right. Laine was never going to stay long enough for us to have a happy ending. She stayed long enough to give us false hope for one.

How brainless of me to think I could even talk her out of falling into the traps of religious guilt. How ignorant of me to believe that if anyone were to stay, it would have been Laine.

If there’s anything I learned now, it’s that there are no exceptions when it comes to people in my life changing and leaving me behind.

Becoming new, better people. People who prefer the version of themselves that they become without me.

People who decide that their better versions don’t include me in it.

Even my own mom fantasizes about the life she could’ve had without me. One where my dad didn’t leave her with the burden of being a single mother to a child she wasn’t even supposed to have.

It was clear in her argument with my dad that she idealizes the version of herself that didn’t raise me, even though he took away the chance of her ever meeting that woman. The woman who wasn’t held back by a child whom she only wanted with him.

******

I’ve spent the past couple of weeks bedrotting, endlessly scrolling on social media, and trying to find a distraction from everything.

After today’s hours of mindless scrolling, I’ve seen it all, from hippos chomping on watermelons bigger than their heads to little dachshund puppies choosing their collar colors.

Glibby can sense something’s going on, because she’s been curled up at the foot of my bed ever since Roy returned, only getting up to eat and poop. I’m not complaining, though. It’s been nice to have the company of someone who can’t exactly disappoint me. At least someone’s loyal.

I slowly start to doze off but jerk myself awake, knowing that if I nap now, I won’t be able to fall asleep later.

Just as I begin to think I’ve seen it all, Tatum texts. I jolt my head up from my pillow and try to get my drowsy eyes to focus on the screen long enough to swipe up and ignore her text. My head is far too foggy to respond now, and I know if I do, I may say something I’ll regret later.

I start to doze off again, but then jolt myself up and stare intently at yet another hippo mukbang video to stay awake.