Page 16

RANDALL

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” asks Mercy. She is flopped on my floor with her bare feet in front of her as she paints her toenails the brightest shade of red.

“I thought you were happy for me. Happy for us,” I point out.

“I am. It’s just… well, you’re not really good at keeping secrets.”

Mercy does have a point. I don’t have a poker face.

“I’ll just stick to the truth, like we’re having a fun beach day.”

She waves her hand over her toenails. “Okay. I have the spot.”

My stomach flip-flops once Mercy announces her plan.

“My friend Horatio works at the Santa Monica Annenberg Beach House. He reserved a canopy tent for you, in my name, at nine A.M. ”

I yelp. “Nine A.M. ?!”

“Oh, you’re going to be picky now?”

I sigh. “Thank you, dear cousin, for your thoughtfulness.”

Mercy rests her head on my arm. “You forgot to say that you’ll add gas to my car and will reserve a favor for me whenever I ask.”

“I know you want to own a bookstore someday, but you should seriously consider a career in law.”

“Now, the canopy is far from the beach, but at nine A.M. , you’ll be the only ones there, besides little kids and their families. Look for tent number eleven. You should bring a picnic with a blanket,” says Mercy.

“Where are you going to be if we’re both supposed to be at the beach together?” I ask.

“There’s this sound bath meditation I’ve been dying to try at the Yogi Tree Studio. You know, the place with the hot instructors?”

I clutch my heart. “Are you using me to ogle yoga teachers while you pretend to do yoga?”

Mercy immediately places her right foot against her left knee with prayer hands in the middle. She’s in a near perfect tree pose. Her eyes are closed, then she opens one eye.

“There’s no pretend here.”

“Forgive me.”

“We’ll drive back together, so it’ll all be on the up and up,” says Mercy.

“I really should let you plan out my life more often.”

Mercy claps her hands. “Finally, you see the light.” She points to her beach bag on the floor with a rainbow on it that says LIFE’S A BEACH . “I packed beach towels, sunscreen, and snacks. You just have to get dressed.”

I hug my cousin tightly. “What would I do without you?”

“Probably sit in this room, pining over Jules.”

I head to my closet to pick out my best beach attire. I shift through the hangers.

“Go with the olive green board shorts and the white tank top,” says Mercy. “You look good in that outfit.”

“You have thought about this date way too much.”

I pick out the exact outfit Mercy mentioned.

“Are you kidding me? I’ve been waiting for this moment since you said you and Jules were in a school project together. You two are the perfect enemies-to-lovers story.”

I throw my bed pillow at Mercy. “You are so corny.”

She tosses the pillow back at me. “I mean, come on, the way you two fight and hate on each other, it’s so obvi that there’s major chemistry there. Though honestly, you both kinda suck at being enemies.”

“Out. So I can get dressed, Ms. Matchmaker.”

Mercy makes kissy faces at me. “This is you,” says Mercy.

I give her the finger. She laughs raucously as she runs downstairs.

Now that I have a moment alone, I study my reflection in my full-length mirror. She’s right that the olive green shorts look good on me. They highlight my golden tan. The white tank top hugs my chest. I feel lucky to have inherited my white mom’s flat boobs.

I grab my hair gel from my dresser and add a dollop to my dark brown hair. I toss my hair to the left so it looks like an ocean wave. The side of my head that’s shaved is now more noticeable.

I don’t know why a string of butterflies trace their wings along my chest. I close my eyes and take five big, deep breaths to chase them away.

It’s just Julie. Why am I so nervous? We’ve known each other since we were eleven.

A text buzzes on my hip.

Mercy

Get your ass down here. I’m melting in the car.

I take one last look at myself. You’ve got this , I say to my reflection. I hope the rest of my body gets the message too.

In the car ride, Mercy has the air-conditioning on full blast. She sings along to her beach playlist.

“Why do all of these songs have the words ‘you,’ ‘me,’ ‘I,’ and ‘love’ in them?” I ask.

“Duh,” says Mercy, her eyes fixed on the freeway. “My playlist is all love songs. What’s more romantic than a date on the beach? I’m trying to set the mood.”

“Tell me the truth.”

“Always.”

“Is this a crazy idea? Our families have such bad beef with each other. I could date anyone else.”

Mercy busts out the chorus, tapping her fingers along the steering wheel in time to the music. I stare out the window and watch the Capitol Records building, shaped like a stack of records, zoom by.

“Sure, it’s a bonkers idea. Halmeoni will be so pissed.”

My heart turns ice cold. My fingertips feel like frost.

“But you can’t let that dictate who you love. Sure, Halmeoni will be unhappy, but she’ll come around. She loves you so much.”

“I’m not sure she’ll come around. Remember when Dae-Hyun cut her off in the church parking lot?”

“And she scowls at him every time she sees him, even though it’s been two years and he’s apologized five times?”

I laugh. “Us Hurs are practically built with grudges running through our veins.”

“Speak for yourself,” says Mercy. She takes one hand off the wheel and touches her chest. “I am a very forgiving person.”

“Pssh. Please. I still remember when you dropped your cookies-and-cream ice cream and the ice cream truck driver wouldn’t give you a new one. You went home and made some weird potion that you wanted to give him before I threw it out.”

“Ugh. Why do you have the memory of an elephant?”

I wag my pointer finger at her. “We are who we are.”

“Okay. So do you want me to turn this car around?”

“No way,” I shout.

“Then, shut up and let me drive.”

I listen to Mercy and shut the hell up. My family and I rarely go to the beach. And by rarely, I mean once a year on the Fourth of July. It’s such a long haul from Pasadena, you have to get there by the ass crack of dawn to get a parking spot, and we work most weekends.

Mercy’s playlist worms its way into my ears with its promises of love and forever. It even gives me hope.

When I transitioned, I saw how people at church looked at me differently. They didn’t think I noticed their whispers, but I did. I do . Whenever I tell Halmeoni that the church ladies are gossiping about me, she hushes me and tells me they are bored with nothing better to do.

People at school were cool with it. Kinda. No one wanted to ask me any questions, like if they did, they would be jerks. A few teachers called me the wrong name at first. But they got better about it, and it wasn’t terrible.

Maybe it doesn’t make sense that I cut myself off from love, like it wasn’t an option for someone like me. I just wanted to figure out what felt good for me before I involved someone else in my life.

I’m still figuring it out.

But thinking about Julie, it’s weird how there’s so much history between us and most of it is bad. There was a time when it was good.

Maybe we’re making a new history.

Mercy leans hard on her horn. “Stupid idiot!” she shouts.

A white guy in a yellow Porsche gives her the finger as he cuts her off. Mercy returns the gesture.

“And this is why I never drive to the west side. If you ever wondered how much I care about you, I would be willing to drive to the beach on a weekend from the east side.”

“I owe you the biggest, like Pacific Ocean–sized, favor.”

“Damn right,” she says.

Then, we hit a long line of traffic along the Pacific Coast Highway. I roll down the window to inhale the salty air.

“We should go to the beach more often.”

“Says the one who isn’t driving.”

We inch forward until we finally make the turn into the Annenberg Beach House. It’s total chaos. Parents wrangle kids and strollers while fancy cars navigate the parking lot, which is filling up fast so there aren’t many spots left.

Mercy waves at a Latino guy, who gives her a head nod. “That’s Horatio and he has a huge crush on me.”

She rolls down the window and blows Horatio a kiss. He catches it and plants it on his heart.

“Why do you torment him?”

“Who says I’m tormenting him? I’m grabbing him some cold drinks and hanging with him during his shift.”

I shake my head. “How many guys do you have plans with today?”

She pulls into a spot and parks the car. She holds up her hand and counts on her fingers. I laugh, then smack her hand.

“You are a player.”

“I just crush a lot,” says Mercy. She checks her reflection in the rearview mirror. She reaches into her purse and reapplies her pink lipstick. “Ready?”

I nod. Am I ready? I get out of the car before I straight-up turn into a chicken. Mercy weaves her arm into mine. Her white and gold beach cover-up flaps in the wind.

“I can practically hear your heart pounding. This is just Julie,” says Mercy.

“I know.”

We walk along the sidewalk. Horatio waves at Mercy, who gives him a flirtatious wink back.

“What’s got you freaked out?”

I spit it out quickly. “Am I someone who someone else could have a crush on? Like as I am now?”

Mercy stops dead in her tracks. She grips my shoulders. Since I’m taller than her, I have to look down.

“You stop that BS train of thought. You were gorgeous before and you are gorgeous now. Sure, your pronouns, wardrobe, and hair changed, but you radiate like the sun now because you are living your truth.”

I smile. “So I’m radiant?”

“Shut your face.” She hip bumps me. “You know you are. At least I’m telling you that you are.”

“I’m just… I didn’t think…”

“Anyone would like you?”

I nod. I swear Mercy is a mind reader. She can only read mine, but still. She kisses my cheek, imprinting her pink pout onto me.

“You are worthy and deserving of love and joy and frankly probably some heartbreak too.”

I squeeze her tight and she helps release the tightness in my chest. “Go. Your beach babe is waiting,” urges Mercy. “Don’t forget. Meet me here at three P.M. sharp.”

“I swear, I’ll be back here at this exact spot right on time.”

She points her index finger at me. “Your ass is grass if you’re late.”

I pretend to light a fire under my butt. Mercy finally laughs. She sets her eyes on Horatio.

I walk toward the orange beach canopy and search for the number eleven tent. I spot it. There are two folding tables planted under the canopy. Julie isn’t here yet.

I take the time to set up the tent to make it look nice. As I roll out the beach towels, I sigh.

“Mercy, really?” I say aloud. “Way to be subtle.”

One of the towels is white with a big red heart in the middle and the words LOVE TO LOVE YOU on it. The other towel has a red and white rose pattern all over it.

The snacks are packed in an Igloo cooler with ice packs. I reach in and pull out a bag of silver-wrapped Hershey’s kisses. I roll my eyes. There are chocolate-covered strawberries, watermelon slices, and a bag of spicy chips that are Julie’s favorite.

Mercy really went all out. I smile to myself as I arrange the snacks on the table so Julie can pick out what she wants. I’m sure Mercy wants me to do something corny like make a heart out of the chocolate kisses, but I won’t.

The last thing I set up is a full Scrabble board. The travel Scrabble just wouldn’t do for something this special.

I don’t see her, but when Julie touches my shoulder, I jump. She immediately giggles. In her hands is a pink cardboard box tied with red-and-white string.

“Is that what I think it is?” I ask.

My mouth waters as she nods. I untie the box. Four warm milk bread buns await. I pick one up and it’s so soft that it melts in my mouth.

While still chewing, I gesture toward the rose-patterned towel. “Please ignore all this,” I say, pointing to the hearts and roses.

Julie stands next to me. Dangerously close to me.

“No. It’s cute.”

She rests her head on my shoulder. “Is this okay?”

“Definitely.”

For a moment, it’s just her head against me, her soft breath tickling my skin. The ocean is our soundtrack. I dig my heels into the sand as I polish off a second bun. Julie takes the pink box out of my hands and places it on the rose towel. Our hands find each other. We sink down onto the towels. She dips her head into my lap. Her long black hair falls along my legs. I lean back and finally sigh.

“Hey,” she says. “I love that you brought Scrabble. It’ll be so sad when I absolutely demolish you.”

My competitive side roars awake as I sit straight up.

Wordlessly, we set up the letters and plot our scores. I glance at Julie. She bites her full upper lip while she studies her tiles. I momentarily forget all words in the English language.

“You can go first,” I say, buying myself time to unscramble my brain.

“How generous of you.”

She slowly lays out her letters to spell DEAREST . When she looks up at me, her smile is so devilish that I am incapable of calculating my next move.

She taps her lips as she adds up her word score. “Sixty-six. Thank you very much!” She claps for herself.

I roll my eyes, but secretly my heart is flip-flopping.

We go back and forth, matching our points, until an hour has gone by.

Julie spots the chips. “Oh my god. I’m starving.”

She rips open the bag and munches on the sriracha kettle chips. She offers me the bag. I shake my head.

“Didn’t those used to burn your tongue?”

She nods. “But like in a good way.”

I nibble on a slice of watermelon. The sweet red juice oozes down my chin.

“Remember coming here once with Mercy and Tyler?” asks Julie.

I scrunch my nose as I try to recall that memory. Then, it comes back like a wave crashing. My pink bathing suit with the unicorns on it. My mom thought I was obsessed with unicorns because I liked to draw them, so everything was unicorn. Unicorn backpack, unicorn bedsheets, unicorn lamp. I didn’t have the heart to tell her then that I felt like a unicorn—a creature that didn’t really exist.

At the time, I had asked to cut my hair as short as Tyler’s, but my mom had shaken her head. “You’ll look like a boy,” she’d said.

Julie waves her hand in front of my face. “Hey. Where did you go?”

I blink. “Sorry. Trying to remember coming here with you all.”

“My cousin was in town, so my mom wanted to show him the pretty beaches. She got horribly lost.”

I laugh. “We ended up at LAX somehow. The airport was definitely not where we wanted to be.”

“And when we got here, the four of us played in the ocean for hours, pretending we could surf.”

Julie casually rests her arm against my shoulders. I lean into her.

“I spat out ocean water the entire time,” I say.

“And Tyler,” adds Julie, “got the worst sunburn ever. His skin looked like a burnt potsticker.”

Julie polishes off the potato chips, crinkling the bag and tossing it in a trash can.

“Is your tongue still burning?” I ask.

There’s a glint in her eyes as she moves closer to me. Suddenly, she is so so so close.

“You tell me,” she whispers as she kisses me.

Her lips are on mine. Her hands trace the outline of my face. I fumble with my hands until I grip her waist against me.

I have no idea how much time passes.

I just want to kiss her for forever.

When we finally come up for air, she smiles.

“What?” I ask.

“Well, what do you think about my tongue?”

I blush. I grip my cheek and I swear I am sunburnt, even though I’m not.

“Uh, good. The best,” I say.

“Damn right.”

She grabs a chocolate strawberry and nibbles on the end of it. She offers me one.

“Am I your first?” she asks.

I turn to look at her. “First kiss? Yeah.”

“And how was it?”

“I think I already answered that.”

My answer elicits more kisses as Julie winds her hand into my short hair. Her lips press harder against mine. This is what people mean when they say someone takes your breath away.

The rest of our time together turns into snacking, then kissing, then hand-holding. I want to freeze time because I know that we can’t do this anywhere else.

“Should you get that?” asks Julie. She points to the back pocket of my shorts.

My phone buzzes on repeat. In a daze, I grab my phone.

Mercy. Shoot. I bolt up.

“I’m so sorry. We’re leaving right now.” I mouth to Julie, “Can you please help me clean up?” She nods.

“I know you’re pissed, Mercy. I’m coming!”

Julie stuffs the towels into the beach bag. I toss the leftovers into the cooler and hang up the phone. I pack up Scrabble even though we didn’t finish playing.

“I’m sorry to rush off. I’ve had the best time ever and—”

Julie cuts me off with a kiss. “Go. I know how pissed Mercy can be.”

The problem is that I don’t want the kiss to end. Julie pushes me forward.

“Go,” she says.

I carry the bags and turn to look at Julie. Her hair blows in the wind. Her lips are stained red from the strawberries. I snap a photo of her so I can remember this moment forever. In case it never happens again.

I rush over to the parking spot. Mercy is there, stamping her foot. She blows a large pink bubble, then snaps it into her mouth.

“I am sorry times a million,” I say.

“Get your sorry ass into my car,” she says.

I toss the bags into the trunk and hurry to the passenger side. Mercy turns on the car. She inputs my address into her Google Maps. She grunts, then turns the phone to me.

The display reads: 6:04 P.M. arrival time. Forty-nine minutes. Twenty-four miles.

“I owe you two gas refills.”

“And…”

“And I’ll take you out to dinner.”

“AND…”

“Now, you’re pushing too far.”

We slowly crawl out of the jam-packed parking lot. “I’m missing a date right now,” declares Mercy.

“How many dates did you have planned today?”

She turns into the Pacific Coast Highway traffic, which is bumper to bumper. I sigh as the GPS display time ticks up to fifty-five minutes.

“I love you, but you straight-up lied to me. You had no intention of showing up on time.”

“I’m so sorry, Merce, but she kissed me.”

At this admission, Mercy’s eyebrows shoot up. She grabs her sunglasses out of her purse.

“Now you’re getting to the good stuff. Your first kiss!”

She rolls down the window and lets out a loud whoop.

“It’s not our first! And you’re embarrassing me!”

She whoops even louder.

“Good!”

I have the stupidest grin on my face as we drive home.