Page 7

Gunnar

I’m not really sure what happened. One second I was looking down at Pippa in shock, the next I was kissing her. Just like she’d asked. Once her tongue brushed against mine tentatively, I groaned and did something I never thought I’d do. I surrendered. Not in a submissive sense, but to the woman I’d claimed as mine. To Pippa. She needed something to fill her mind with besides fear and terror. If she wanted a little pleasure with someone to make her feel safe, who was I to deny her? Which brought up a new subset of problems, but I’d figure it the fuck out.

I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but the silky feel of Pippa’s lips, soft and warm against mine, surpassed anything my mind could have dreamed up. The feel of her lips and tongue sliding over mine was the most exquisite, beautiful sensation ever. Nothing in my wildest imaginings could have prepared me for this kiss. Nothing . I cupped her face gently in my hands, deepening the kiss as she melted against me. Her fingers curled into the fabric of my shirt, pulling me closer.

I poured everything I was feeling into that kiss -- my desire to protect her, my growing feelings for her, my need to chase away her pain and fear. Pippa responded with equal intensity, her body pressing flush against mine.

Christ! I wanted to snatch the towel away from her and look my fill at her beautiful body. I also needed, with everything inside me, to look over every single inch of her. Not for admiration. OK, so, not only for admiration. More than anything, I needed to see any visible signs of what those bastards did to her.

Everyone in the clubhouse where she’d been held was dead, but there were more people responsible. I had the feeling once I got Knuckles’ request for a complete list of every injury she had, I’d be required for another task. It was the thought of still having that report to make to Knuckles that helped me get myself back under control.

When I finally ended the kiss and we broke apart, both of us were breathing heavily. Pippa’s cheeks were flushed. “Wow.” Her hoarse whisper was full of awe, and I wouldn’t try to pretend I didn’t puff out my chest a little.

I rested my forehead against hers. “Yeah. Wow.”

“I’ve only kissed a couple guys before, Gunnar. That wasn’t… I didn’t expect…” Pippa trailed off, looking as dazed as I felt.

“Then you’re a couple up on me. I went to prison when I was sixteen.” The second I spoke, I realized what I’d said. Heat rose to my cheeks and my gaze snapped to hers. My chin rose defiantly as I waited for her derision. She’d either scoff and call me a liar or, worse, laugh at me for being a fucking virgin in my thirties. Instead, her eyes widened and she stared into mine, searching for the truth of my statement.

Then she shook her head, a smile giving her lips a delicate curve. “If that was your first kiss, you’re a natural.” She wasn’t ridiculing me or even amused. Instead, she looked just as shell-shocked as I felt.

I brushed my fingers over her lips, then her jaw. “Ain’t had time to find a woman since I got out, so yeah.” I spoke like I was in a trance. It was quite possible I was.

“Why?” Her innocent question caught me off guard. Why? Because I’d been too focused on finding her than looking for a woman to get laid. But was that really the reason? Or was it because I’d claimed her the second I’d seen her picture? And that had been long before Knuckles had asked me to make her my old lady. That was when I realized I’d committed my life to this woman before I even met her.

I was stripped bare. There was no way to hide the raw pain and hunger inside me. Or the embarrassment. Yet, I couldn’t make myself leave her or to allow her to not choose to stay with me. The thought of parting from her couldn’t even completely form in my mind before I shut it down.

“Why? Why what?”

She reached up one small hand, trembling to give my bearded face a tentative touch, stroking gently when I didn’t stop her. I tilted my head and sighed as I soaked up her touch. “Why didn’t you find a woman after you were set free?” For some reason, I liked the way she phrased her question. It did feel like I’d been set free, and not in just the literal sense. Because I was very much afraid that kiss had been the thing to truly set me free.

So I gave her the most honest answer I had. It wasn’t something I’d thought about or even really acknowledged to myself, but the second I uttered the words, I knew they were true. “Because they wouldn’t have been you, Pippa.”

“But we’ve never met.”

“Knuckles showed me your picture. I think the one he gave me when he told me to find you was the last picture your mother sent him.” I fished it out of the pocket of my inner shirt and handed it to her. It wasn’t the one of her tied up and terrified. It was one where she was staring off into the distance with a soft smile on her face.

“I don’t understand.” She smiled up at me, obviously confused but not concerned.

“I fell in love with the woman in that picture, Pippa.” I looked at her helplessly, unable to give her anything but the strict truth. “From that moment, there was never going to be another woman for me.” I thought I might have scared her, but her grip on my shirt tightened and she clutched me closer to her.

“Gunnar…”

“Look,” I said roughly, “I need you to understand something. I may not have experience in anything to do with women, but I know what I want. And what I want is you. Not just because of my promise to Knuckles, but because I’m drawn to you in a way I can’t explain. I want to protect you, care for you. I want what my mom and dad have together, and I want it with you. But only if you want me too.”

Pippa bit her lip, looking uncertain but interested. “Maybe… What if we did that?” She picked at my shirt with one hand while still clutching one small fist in the material.

“Did what, honey?”

“You know. If we decided to be a couple. You’re right that I need rest and to get settled. Go to therapy and see if I can get medicated to the nines or something. But you’re right. There is a definite connection between us. And…” She trailed off, glancing away from me.

“What is it, honey? Don’t be afraid to tell me what you’re thinkin’ or feelin’. ‘Cause I’m shit at readin’ women.” My attempt at humor wasn’t great.

“Gunnar, I don’t… I don’t want you to leave me alone.” Her voice was a mere thread of sound. Had I not been so close to her and staring at her lips, I probably wouldn’t have known what she said.

“No one said I was goin’ anywhere, Pippa. Truth is, I feel better when I can at least see you. I’d prefer to be within arm’s reach.” We stared at each other for a very long time. There was so much to say but I’m not sure either of us knew where to start. I liked the fact she wanted me close. “Whether or not you agree to my claim, I won’t leave you unless you tell me to go. Even then, you might not see me and I won’t interfere with your life, but I’ll always be watching over you.” When she opened her mouth to say something, I plowed on. “Not because of anything Knuckles wanted me to do. Because you’re it for me.”

The relief in Pippa’s eyes was immediate, and she actually sagged against me. “Good.” She patted my chest. “That’s good. Glad we got that straight.”

I tightened my arms around her, tucking her head under my chin. “Yeah, honey. I’m glad we got that straight too.”

Pippa trembled slightly in my arms, whether from exhaustion or emotion I wasn’t sure. I held her close, savoring the warmth of her body against mine. After a few moments, I reluctantly pulled back.

“As much as I’d like to stay like this, you need to get dressed and eat something,” I said gently. “Then we can work on your hair and get you into bed for some real rest.”

She nodded, looking a bit dazed. “You’re right. I’m just… I don’t want to let go yet.”

“I know, honey. I don’t either. But you need to get dressed.” Then something occurred to me. “Are you steady enough to dress? Do you need me to… I don’t know… help ?”

She smiled again, rubbing her hand up and down the left side of my chest. Over my heart. “I think I can manage myself. Thank you for offering, though.”

I sighed, feeling something I hadn’t experienced in a very, very long time. I was content. I’d saved this woman. Gotten her out of danger and brought her to the place that had once been my home. She was looking to me for comfort and security. Pippa wasn’t mine yet, but it wouldn’t take long for her to be all in with me. Hell, maybe she was already. I didn’t know enough about women to know. But even now, she still clung to me.

I leaned in and brushed one more soft kiss to her lips. Stopping myself from going further was harder than I’d thought. Now that I’d experienced kissing Pippa, I wanted to do it more.

Pippa nestled closer to me, her body relaxing against mine. I could feel her exhaustion in the way she leaned heavily into my embrace. As much as I wanted to keep holding her, I knew she needed rest more than anything.

“Get dressed, honey. Then we’ll get some food into you.”

Pippa took a deep breath and nodded again. Her eyes were pleasantly glazed as I lifted my head from hers. “OK, I can do that.”

Reluctantly, I pulled away from her. Her lower lip trembled and she whimpered softly, but nodded her head. I left her there but leaving her alone went against everything inside me. I needed to comfort her. To help her. To be there for her in case she needed me for anything. But she needed privacy. Not a strange man looking at her naked body, lusting after her.

Once outside the bathroom, I leaned against the door as I shut it. The door between us felt like prison walls and I hated it on principle. Sure, I could open it and go to her, but she needed to know I’d do anything for her, even if it was hard. At least, that’s what I hoped she took away from this, because if that’s not what I was giving her, I had no idea why I was denying us both what we wanted.

I took a breath. No. This was what my dad would do. It’s what my brothers would do.

Instead of vacillating on whether or not I was doing the right thing, I looked at my phone and pulled up the number Knuckles had given me. Mama had confirmed that, if she’d been raped, it wasn’t recent and there were no physical signs. She wasn’t pregnant. The STD testing was still pending. I saw some bruising on her torso and one side of her face was discolored, but considering where she was and what they’d wanted her for, she was Goddamned lucky.

I sent off a text. I’d actually spoken to Knuckles when I’d called the last time, so even though he was still in prison, I knew he had a simple burner phone smuggled into his cell. Which didn’t really surprise me. Knuckles was nothing if not resourceful.

The text was brief, giving the bare details. The last thing I wanted to do was to set off any red flags on some super secret government server and have the feds come after me. If he wanted more, he could contact me.

The door opened as I hit send. Immediately, my attention was focused on Pippa. I straightened, tucking the phone back into my pocket.

“Knuckles wanted a detailed list of your injuries. I didn’t talk to Mama, but other than being knocked around, I didn’t see anything major in the brief glance I got.” I tried to smile at her, but at the moment, she was so exhausted, the bruise on her cheek stood out like an accusation.

“I’m sore and stiff, but I suspect that’s more from inactivity. My injuries are more mental than physical, I think. I’m OK.” She didn’t meet my gaze, and her lower lip trembled.

“Yeah, baby. You’re nowhere near OK.”

Pippa’s eyes welled up with tears at my words. She bit her lip, clearly trying to hold back the flood of emotions. I stepped closer and gently cupped her face in my hands.

“You don’t have to be strong right now. You can let it out if you need to.”

She shook her head, blinking rapidly. “I can’t. If I start crying now, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop and we’re not at a stopping point. We’re still going to that other place. Right?”

“Kiss of Death?” When she nodded, I did too. “Yeah. I wanted to head out tonight after Mama checked you over, but that was for my own benefit. You need rest more than I need to avoid my father.”

“I can sleep on the way.”

I reached out to her and brushed my thumb gently over her bruised cheek. “Yeah. You could. But you’re not goin’ to. At least, not in place of proper sleep. You’ve been through a lot. Sleepin’ in a strange place is gonna be hard enough without tryin’ to sleep in a vehicle. And we both know that Humvee ain’t the most comfortable ride.”

My attempt at humor fell flat. She gazed up at me, tears swimming in her eyes. One of the offending drops of poison spilled from the corner and down her cheek. She said she didn’t want to cry, but I thought a breakdown might be a relief once she started. But, shit. What the fuck did I know?

“You’re right, Gunnar. I’m not OK.” Her voice cracked on the last word, and she swayed slightly on her feet.

I immediately stepped forward and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close. She buried her face against my chest and let out a shuddering breath but still didn’t let go of all the grief and pain. Pippa held back as much of the crying as she could and other than the occasional shuddering breath in, she didn’t make a sound.

“It’s all right, honey. You don’t have to be OK right now,” I murmured, running my hand soothingly up and down her back. “You’ve been through hell.”

She nodded against me but didn’t speak. I could feel her trembling and knew she was fighting to hold herself together. Part of me wanted to tell her to let it out, to cry and scream if she needed to. But I also understood her need to stay in control, at least for now.

It took a while. I was afraid to move, not wanting her to think I was rushing her. I was willing to do whatever it took to help her feel better. When she finally pulled back, her eyes were red-rimmed and tears streaked her cheeks. She wasn’t nearly done, but she’d released all she could for now.

After a long moment, I leaned in and kissed her again. One long, soft, lingering kiss meant to comfort instead of arouse. But fuck me, it was arousing as hell. Her lips were soft and trembling. I could taste the salt of her tears and longed to kiss every inch of her face to remove any lingering moisture. There should never be a reason for Pippa to cry. Ever.

I pulled back and watched her face carefully. Her eyes opened slowly. There was a dreamy expression on her face that made her even more beautiful than I’d first thought. Instead of telling her that and risking sounding like a complete idiot, I smiled gently at her.

“You think you can eat while I work through your hair?”

“I still don’t think you can manage it. It’ll be easier to just cut it.” She didn’t really want to cut her hair. I could see that plainly. I thought that maybe she didn’t want to have hope only to have it ripped away from her. That’s when I realized there might be more going on with her than I’d first realized.

“Easier isn’t always better.” I had to be careful. Phrase my words carefully. “I’m sure I’ll hit a few snags. It might hurt a bit. But I think it’s worth taking a chance to fix it, rather than cut it.”

Her eyes widened and her lips parted. “You really want to try?” She was guarding her words as much as I was, so I decided to take the first leap.

“I do, Pippa. I meant what I said when I told you about Knuckles. Yes, he asked me to make you my old lady and give you the protection of my name and my club, but if I’d met you on my own, even not knowing you were Knuckles’ daughter, I’d have done everything in my power to make you mine.” More tears filled her eyes, spilling over and sliding down her face. “I know I must sound creepy as fuck to you, but I can’t sugarcoat it and tell you I’m gonna be your fairy tale prince. That ain’t me.”

Pippa set out a small giggle even as another tear fell. “You don’t sound creepy, Gunnar.” She reached up and touched my lower lip with her fingers. “You sound just about perfect to me.”