Page 9 of Guarding the Shadows (Pulsetunes Rock Gods #5)

R aff

True to her word, Gwen must have been as exhausted as she’d said she was, because she immediately fell asleep on my chest. And as I looked down at her beautiful face as she rested, I pushed back the swell of resentment I felt from my less than welcome homecoming.

Usually, I loved watching her sleep, however, my instincts told me Gwen’s avoidance had little to do with tiredness and there was a bigger problem to deal with once she woke up.

It’s hard to describe all the emotions that ran through my body as I laid there, but I felt my frustration slide while I studied her sun-kissed features, then I reminded myself that Gwen was the girl who had lit up the darkness for my whole, damned life until now.

So, I promised myself whatever it was that was troubling her, I’d find that out and fix it.

All it had taken was for her head to land on my chest to gain my forgiveness for this morning. After all, I knew how exhaustion could overwhelm a person, and like me, Gwen deserved her ‘off’ days.

Having her soft, warm curves next to my body immediately comforted me because there had been very few feelings lately that matched that. That said, as I lay there beside her, this time I didn’t experience the usual contentment.

Taking a deep breath, I sighed to release some residual tension left in my body and slid my fingertips into the thick, auburn locks that had attracted me to her in the first place.

My heart slowed the moment I began to delve my fingers deeper into her hair and began the soothing task of sifting through those long, silky strands.

While I played with her hair, it slowly cleared my mind and helped me regain my focus.

I’d been trained to read people, so I began to recall in an objective, frame by frame reproduction of my girl’s stilted response to seeing me today.

Once this was done, I was certain tiredness played no part in Gwen’s strange, off-handed behavior to my homecoming today.

I only realized I’d fallen asleep when I woke late in the afternoon. And when I saw the other side of the bed was empty, an ominous feeling instantly filled my chest. I strained to listen for movement around her apartment, and when I couldn’t hear any sounds, I got up to investigate.

My spine stiffened from the jolt of alarm the moment I saw Gwen looking lost in thought. She sat by the window, feet tucked under her ass, her thoughts obviously miles away while she stared blankly off into space.

“Want to tell me what’s going on?” I asked quietly. From the way that she jumped in the seat and clutched her sweater in her fist, I could tell that she hadn’t expected my interruption.

When she turned to look at me, there was a stoic expression on her face, it was a look that I’d never seen before. In that moment my heart splintered into a million tiny pieces because the determination she held in her gaze told me we were done.

“There’s something I need to tell you … I would have before but …” she sighed, then whispered, “I didn’t know how.”

She moved her legs and pulled out an expensive-looking, white envelope with gold embossed writing on it.

“Is that a wedding invitation? You want to get married?” I replied, my tone registering the possible, incredulous arrangement that she’d made.

“Yes,” she muttered unsmiling.

“Then why didn’t you at least talk about it with me?” If this conversation had happened before this tour, I might have thought she was testing me, or I might even have read it as an ultimatum.

Instead, I chuckled at the fact that she’d gone ahead and arranged the surprise behind my back. The truth was that she’d beat me to the punch because I had been ready to ask her to move in. However, if it was marriage she needed, I was ready to give her that.

“No, not our marriage—mine,” she replied flatly. The stony look on her face made me wonder what the fuck she meant.

“Yours? I-I don’t understand,” I said, confused. I strode over to her, reached out and tried to take the invitation. Gwen’s grip tightened on the invite before she sighed and reluctantly let it go.

Taking the invitation out of the high-quality envelope, I stared at the names on the postcard sized card.

Confusion creased my brow to the point that it hurt.

“Gwen Power and Lance Montgomery? Who the fuck is Lance Montgomery? Is this a joke? This what you need to tell me? What the fuck’s going on, Gwen?

” I challenged, waving the invitation around in front of her.

“Raff …” she muttered, took a deep breath, then stopped talking. Her mouth twisted wryly, then she shrugged speechless and shook her head.

With blood swishing through my ears, I flicked the card aggressively between my hands.

“I’ll ask you again. That, ‘I need to tell you something’ …

is this?” Even as I asked the question, the stricken look in her eyes spoke her truth.

Seeing how seriously she was staring at me felt like a knife to my gut.

Adrenaline pumped through my body, stirring wilder feelings of betrayal and rage.

When I finally believed it wasn’t a joke, the silence between us became deafening.

“What? How? Who? You need to explain yourself because I don’t understand any of this. ”

“You know I’ve been hanging out with a new group of friends whenever you’ve been away. One of them … a property developer—Lance, well with you being gone so much, he and I have grown close.”

“You’ve been fucking cheating on me?” Rage won out, tightening my chest to the point where small, jagged pains had begun to erupt there.

I stared down at the invitation and realized it was crumpled up in my tight fist. For a few seconds I thought my heart might explode, when it dawned on me that during most of the times when I had called her, she could have been with him.

“I haven’t cheated on you. He’s a man of strong faith and doesn’t believe in sex before marriage.”

“Well, isn’t he a fucking real man of principle, moving in on another man’s girl.” A hollow laugh burst from my chest, followed by a loud snicker. “You’re going to marry this guy to fuck him?” I asked, my voice laced with disbelief and incredulity.

“No, I’m going to marry him because he gives me what I need. He’s emotionally present, supportive and caring. He’s been a constant shoulder to cry on whenever missing you became too much.”

“I fucking bet he was,” I spat out. “So, when did I become the sidepiece?”

Gwen sighed. “That’s a crass remark. You’ve never been the sidepiece. I just recognized that your job will always come first. Time’s passing and I need more from life than this,” she said, gesturing between us.

“And I’ve come to recognize that as well.

I was coming here today to ask you to move in with me,” I muttered, furious at how blind I’ve been not to notice anything was amiss.

I’d had no idea this guy even existed. Then I wondered if I’d missed some signs or something she’d said.

Should I have been hearing her more, instead of just listening when she spoke about her new friends.

“So, you’re marrying this guy without ever being intimate?

I know you, Gwen, and I find that hard to believe.

How do you know you’ll even be compatible in bed?

” Adrenaline burst through my body, and I felt myself internally vibrate with temper.

My first thought was to go find this guy and beat the fuck out of him for turning my girl’s head.

“Do you know me? Really know me anymore, Raff?” she challenged pointedly. “We’ve only seen each other for about eight weeks in total this year—although not full weeks for most of that. And there have been times when your visits home have been months apart.”

“So, you’ve spent more time with him than me? Tell me how this guy turned your head … how he’s making you throw what we have away?”

“He hasn’t done anything apart from being there for me.”

“Being there, how? Because you’re not making sense,” I bellowed.

She shrugged. “Don’t do this, Raff. I don’t want to hurt you,” she warned, wringing her hands on her lap.

“You don’t want to hurt me? You are ripping my heart out here.

Look at me, I’m bleeding out right now to the point where I can hardly breathe.

You didn’t even give me a chance to hear how you were feeling?

It sounds like an ideal excuse for you to check out and go after someone else while I’ve been paying the bills. ”

“I guess I got tired of waiting,” she confessed.

“For, what? Me? Because you had me, you’ve always had me. You know how committed I am.”

Gwen looked miserable as she pulled the long cardigan she was wearing tighter around her body and folded her arms. “I don’t know what else to tell you. Lance gives me what you can’t. You and I know that you’re never going to give up guarding the Shadows, and I’m never going to give up my career.”

“So, you just what? You just decided to stop loving me?”

“I’ll always love you, Raff. But love just isn’t enough anymore. I need company, someone who’s here all the time to share my life with, not a few days or weeks here and there … my heart’s tired of only feeling full for two or three days at a time.”

“But I’m standing here right now,” I argued.

“For how long?” she countered with a determined look on her face.

“We could have at least spoken about this. You’ve never even mentioned this guy,” I argued again, frustrated she’d sprung such a devastating blow on me.

“What do you want me to do? Fight for you? Beg? Do you want me to give up working with the band? Tell me, what do I need to do to show you how much you mean to me?”

“Don’t do this, it’ll just make things harder,” she pleaded.

Determination burned in her eyes and right then I knew I had lost her.

It didn’t stop me from challenging her again though.

“Things? What fucking things. I’m standing here because we have years and years of history, and a lifetime of love ahead of us, yet you want to swipe left on me, like I don’t matter anymore? ”

“You’ll always matter to me,” she argued.

“Just that this guy Lance matters more now, right?”

She sighed, unfolded her legs and stood up. “Like I said, he matters because he’s always present.”

I huffed out a breath, was about to reach out and pull her into my arms, but at the last minute I clasped my hands behind my neck to restrain myself from doing that.

“And I’m not.” I narrowed my eyes. I thought I knew everything there was to know about Gwen, but it appeared that I obviously didn’t.

With that realization, I decided right then, no matter what I felt about her, I’d claw back my pride and let her go.

“You didn’t even give me the chance to talk this out. But, if that’s what you want, there’s nothing else to say. Or maybe there is just one more thing. Have a nice life, but I think one day you’ll realize, you’ve made a huge mistake.”