Page 8 of Guarding the Shadows (Pulsetunes Rock Gods #5)

R aff

As the seats filled up on the plane, I prayed that Beth would be seated somewhere else.

Unfortunately, by the time she climbed aboard, the choice of seating was slim.

My heart sank to my stomach when Levi insisted she sit next to me because I’d made it my mission to keep my distance from her for most of the day.

I was partly responsible for the connection that had grown between us, and at the same time believed it unfair that it wasn’t welcomed by me.

I’d always been black and white about my feelings toward my girl Gwen.

Yet, whenever I’d found myself around Beth, my heart’s loyalties teetered on the edge of gray.

However, the moment I thought that I’d hurt her, I’d temporarily cancelled any attempt to distance myself from her when I’d instinctively grabbed her head.

Once I realized what I had done and recovered, I closed my eyes and tried to ignore how near she was for the rest of the flight.

By the time we arrived back at MIA’s private terminal, we’d had another awkward encounter when she reached out and gave me a hug.

Instead of stiffening like I should have, she felt so addictive that I found myself meld to her soft curves.

Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply and enjoyed the heady smell of her sweet perfume and the warmth from her little body.

For a few seconds I completely forgot myself and I pressed her closer.

As our hug lingered, feelings stirred within me until an unexpected boner began to tent my cargo pants. The moment I recognized what I had done, I let her go, said goodbye, and without looking back made a beeline for my transport.

I sat back in the car taking me home. Although I was initially shocked by my reaction toward Beth, I dismissed it as me being hard up because I hadn’t had sex for weeks, then my thoughts instantly focused on Gwen.

I was excited to see her again, and figured the moment I did, any stupid gravity that I’d had toward Beth would quickly dissipate.

I had been lonely for Gwen’s company, but I believed that was no excuse to find an attraction to someone else.

Once I’d showered and dressed in fresh clothes, I was in a far better headspace about leaving the tour behind, and I couldn’t wait to pour all my feelings about missing Gwen into showing her how much I loved her.

After a brief pitstop to pick up some of her favorite cheese croissants, I headed straight to her apartment.

It had been a while since I’d had real flutters in my belly, but they were there, clear as day the moment I entered the underground car lot beneath her building.

Four hours on the plane next to Beth had given me no time to wind down from the gritty work that we did, and to try to make it look easy to those looking on.

I wasn’t the kind that could go from hypervigilant to inattentive in a heartbeat.

My mind had been conditioned to be alert whenever our charges were present, which made sitting next to Beth for the trip home even more stressful.

For a while I’d been growing tired of this two-place deal that Gwen and I had adopted over the years.

Plus, once the guys in the band began to settle down with partners, I became more conscious of wanting that as well.

Gwen and I had never talked about marriage.

She’d always liked her space, and I’d liked having mine.

However, now I’d grown tired of the to-ing and fro-ing and felt ready to have one place of our own.

Taking the elevator from the car park to the front lobby, I approached the superintendent at the front desk. He looked surprised to see me. “Can you let Gwen know I’m on my way up?”

“Erm … just a sec,” he mumbled, grabbed the handset and buzzed her apartment intercom.

“Raff’s here?” he said, like it was a question rather than announcing my arrival. He looked a little perturbed, which made me suspicious. Suspicious of what, I had no idea.

My heart rate rose with every floor the elevator carried me toward Gwen’s apartment.

The past few weeks had dragged by, and I couldn’t wait to see her again.

Grinning as I stepped out of the elevator, my heart clenched and sank when I’d expected Gwen to be waiting, and she wasn’t in the hallway to meet me.

Shaking off my negative emotion, I stalked toward her open door and wondered if she might be inside, dressed in some racy lingerie like she had been several times in the past. “Gwen?” I asked, my frown deepening, as I glanced inside each doorway, until I saw her standing behind the kitchen island.

Her response toward me was far from normal, and after a quick scan of the open-plan kitchen and living room to ensure we were alone, I pressed for an explanation. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, just let me pour this coffee real quickly.” My shoulders slumped when my disappointment brought an empty ache to my stomach. I’d been gone for weeks, and I’d never had such a cold response to my homecoming.

Any other time when I’d been gone for weeks, she’d flung herself up on my body, wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed the fuck out of me.

Yet, the nonchalant way she had greeted me robbed me of words.

I felt my eyes narrow and grow suspicious when I took a seat and focused on her strange, unsettling behavior because something about her was … off.

“What’s up?” I asked, cutting straight to the chase.

I didn’t miss the beat, where she stopped moving “Up?” she repeated, then carried on making the coffee like that hadn’t happened. “Let me finish up, I won’t be a minute,” she suggested.

“Why are you being weird?”

She shrugged but didn’t turn around. “Weird? I- I’ve had a lot of nightshifts lately. I’m just beat,” she said, still not turning to look at me.

Sliding off the stool, I rounded the table, took a hot mug of coffee out of her hand, set it down and turned her to face me. “Bullshit, Gwen. Be straight with me?”

Her gorgeous sky-blue eyes looked troubled while she vigorously shook her head and broke my gaze several times. “Let’s take a seat.”

“You don’t have a kiss for the guy you haven’t seen in over three weeks?” I asked, letting her go. I moved back to the other side of the island, pissed because I knew that something was up, and Gwen was hedging.

“I guess there’s something we need to talk about,” I muttered.

Ten minutes before I’d been full of anticipation, excitement and hope, but since then I’d grown fearful that something was wrong.

“Are you pregnant?” I questioned while fear ran through me.

Gwen didn’t want children. I agreed because the world was in a messy place, and with the job I did, I would be absent from a growing child’s life for a lot of the time.

Gwen frowned and I knew immediately that wasn’t it, but it was the only thing I could think of to ask. “No. I just don’t feel well.”

When she gave me more eye contact and held my gaze, I believed she was telling the truth. Fear reared up from my belly when I considered it might be something serious. “Sick enough to see a doctor?” I probed.

“No … mostly anxious.”

“You’re anxious? What are you anxious about?”

Picking up the two mugs of coffee, Gwen handed me one, rounded the island worktop and headed toward a living room chair. “Let’s sit over here, it’s more comfortable,” she said.

I felt the tension creep back into my body, and as I wandered over to a chair, I cricked my neck from side to side to relieve my stress.

Taking a seat, I huffed out a breath while I tried to control my impatience.

Hearing my frustration, she glanced up at me and held my gaze. “So, tell me, what’s going on?”

“I know you expect me to be all sunshine and rainbows, but I’m exhausted today,” she disclosed.

Her comment caught me off guard and left me flat, because Gwen was normally the last person who would admit to being tired.

Personally, I was exhausted too because I’d missed out on sleep to be there.

Although something still didn’t sit right with me, I decided that if she was genuinely tired at 10:30 a.m., I’d put that to the test.

“Okay, baby, if you’re really that tired, then let’s go to bed.”