Page 3 of Grumpmas

“Jack? He never has more than...” I ate my words as soon as I saw the house beside mine with more decorations than the years before, and I shrugged my shoulders. “Maybe Target had a sale.”

A huge deal on a ton of Christmas villain inflatables and a shit ton of green lights.

“Yeah. A big one,” Faith breathed in awe.

Usually, the man I hated had a single strand of LED green lights dangling from his house with a mean character resembling a madman running off with the decoration. Bland and not creative. But not this year. This holiday season, Jack Timber had decked his halls.

“Mr. Timber is only a few years late getting into the holiday spirit.” I watched Jack stomp across the snow in his green and black plaid flannel shirt as he moved inflatables around. “He needed some time to plan. Think things through.”

“I don’t know, Mommy...” Faith sighed with a shrug. “He doesn’t seem too happy.”

Jack punched a blown-up character full of air directly in the face after the inflatable sprung up at him. A curse rang out, but Jack didn’t stop there. He grabbed the tether line to anchor the wobbly character and wrapped it around its neck.

I giggled. “Nah. Look. He’s hugging him.”

Faith laughed along with me.

Jack released the make-believe character from his chokehold and secured the line into the ground with a metal hook. He moved on to the next decoration while he mumbled to himself. Surely, angrier than the damn green killjoy himself, who grinned with envy straight at him as the air built up inside, puffing out the material.

Jack tossed some green lights into the shrubs and worked his way through them to untangle each one. I was surprised he didn’t have a professional come to decorate his grouchy display because he had a personal gardener shape those damn bushes every summer. He even paid the landscaper double to get rid of the weeds in the grass and sprinkle pesticides on his lawn.

My crabby neighbor preferred a clean appearance, even though I had seen him all messy with his shirt off and dripping sweat down his brawny chest. Every muscle rippled while he cut the grass and the sun shone down on his tanned skin, but I had stared. I’d never get caught gawking at Jack Timber. Not a chance. He was older than me by twenty-one years and ancient enough to be my dad’s best friend.

I had standards. Mr. Timber checked no boxes on my dating list.

KindX

CharmingX

Father MaterialX

AffectionateX

IntelligentX

AthleticX

Not my dad’s best friendXX

Not the man I hated most in the worldXXX

Jack had yet to display any qualities I searched for in a lifelong partner. A man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and he certainly wasn’t relationship material. He didn’t commit to anyone. The point remained obvious after I had watched multiple women leave his house on different occasions throughout the years. The picture-perfect appearance of a goddamn billionaire playboy who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants or away from his hand.

Ew. Gross!

The image of Jack stroking his cock made me want to throw up in my mouth. A senior with a limp dick who probably couldn’t even get a boner unless he took Viagra. While his sexual stamina remained unclear, I had to give him a point where credit was due. He was in shape at the ripe age of the big five-oh. I guess I could give him at least one checkmark.

Athletic?

But I’d neverevergo out with a man like Jack Timber.

Suddenly, the sound of crunching tires on crisp snow caught my attention and tore me away from the man who made me want to whip a snowball at him and watch his face become irritated, scowling with his brown eyebrows narrowed together and his head tilted with a hooded angry glare. I loved pissing Jack off and being a pest that wouldn’tfuck off. He deserved my cheeriness in his gloominess after he had gloated about how much he hated Christmas.

Jack Timber had some nerve. His grouchiness stirred a rage inside of me, making me want to rip his decorations out of his yard.How dare he garnish his property full of green envy when Christmas was all about cheer?He pushed happiness aside and wanted to be the odd man out. He wanted to stick out like the sore thumb he was and always had been. A true grumpy asshole at Christmastime.

I scowled at Jack’s stupid Christmas display. My eyes twitched as I wished for the biggest snowstorm of the century to blow all his shit out into the street where it belonged. I hated him with every bone in my body, but I had to forget my neighbor, who had a few screws loose, because I had other matters to deal with.

The man who was not only my ex but my daughter’s father had pulled into my driveway.