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“Perhaps you should have been a poet instead of a medic.”

“Maybe.”

They reached the others. His father related a story of their family when Grulen was but eight solars which resulted in much laughter. A reluctant smile lifted his lips. I did have a habit of getting myself into trouble back then.

“Are you ready, my son?”

Grulen met his father’s eyes and nodded. They traveled side by side to the resting place of his family. The others fell back and gave them privacy when they finally reached the patch of riotous flowers under a huge trulet tree. Small markers with their names dotted the area.

“Do you ever imagine what they would be like now?” Grulen’s tail swept fast enough the heads of the flowers near them fluttered.

“Every day. I envision your sisters finding mates and raising their own young. Holding your mother and feeling her joy each time a new grandchild arrived.” His father’s voice lowered.

“Your mother was the love of my life and the brightest light in my world. I hate that she didn’t live to see our younglings grow to adulthood or see the fine male you turned out to be. ”

Grulen spoke words he’d never said to his father before.

“I remember you broken after their deaths. All the village males were.”

His father nodded. The silver in his hair glinted in the sunlight.

“To have so much taken from us so fast was a shock. It upset everything we knew and believed. Even worse, I think, was the pain they suffered that we couldn’t alleviate.” Nurin’s eyes shadowed. “Nothing is worse than seeing your loved ones in constant pain. Not even their deaths.”

“That’s why I vowed never to mate. I will not put myself in a similar position to feel the same. Our family line will not continue.”

His father’s tail stilled, and his shoulders fell. Dear Goddess, he looks like he did the day we buried them.

“Then I’m glad your mother is not here to see my failure as a father. To know that I raised her son to be afraid of love would kill her anew.” The quiet words pierced Grulen’s heart and his hand rubbed his chest.

“You believe I should embrace the pain?”

“No joy exists that has no risk of pain or loss, son.” Nurin gazed into the distance. “Do you think I ever wished I never met your mother?”

Grulen shook his head.

“I treasure every moment together the Goddess blessed us with. I would relive the pain of her suffering and death a thousand times over to gain more of those joyous, loving memories. Her love and place in my heart was worth all of it. Just as every hug, laugh, or tear from each of your sisters was worth it. Pain can be overcome or accepted, but love cannot be manufactured or replaced. Facsimiles are hollow.” His father paused.

“Is your vow the reason Morgan did not come with us?”

“She left yesterday when I remembered my vow and told her I would never mate her.”

“Oh, son, I wish you hadn’t done that.”

“The only honorable course is to uphold my vow.”

“No. That vow caused you to dishonor yourself and her. A vow made as a youngling experiencing grief and pain is like a temper tantrum. Violent and sudden but with no true weight behind it. It’s a reaction to big feelings and emotions the youngling has no understanding of.

It’s a bid for control over the emotions that is never successful long-term. ”

“Your father is correct, Jevax.” Wurvez moved next to him.

“I tried to send Ava away because I thought she deserved a better male—one who was whole. Had she listened to me, my life would be much sadder and poorer. If she died tomorrow, my life would be shattered, and I would feel her loss every day afterwards. But to temper that loss would be every beautiful memory we’re making together now to sustain me.

The love of a good female is priceless.”

“None of us would give up our mates just to save ourselves possible grief. We would rather bear their pain, if necessary, so their lives are happy,” Traxen said.

Crax slapped him on the back.

“Tell me, how do you feel?”

“Confused.”

“That’s not what I meant. Are you pain-free now that Morgan is no longer a potential mate for you?”

“No. I miss her. I hate that I’m not by her side, protecting and keeping her safe. Everything’s duller and muted.”

“And if you find out in a year she died in shuttle crash? How would you feel then?”

Grulen’s tail slapped the ground stirring the flowers. The thought of the universe without Morgan’s light squeezed his heart until he gasped for breath.

Crax’s hard visage softened.

“So you would feel the pain of her loss regardless?”

Grulen conceded the point.

“Then why should you both suffer for something that may never happen or occur when you are nearing the end of your time in this body? Why not fill your hearts and souls with love that makes you better than you are?” The Jalaxian may look like a brute, but he’s a deep thinker.

Grulen turned Crax’s words over in his mind, as well as those of the other males. He looked at all of them seeing their support. Love and encouragement shone from his father’s eyes.

Makai said quietly, “If I found my mate, I would hold onto her and never let go.”

“ Crek. I did this to myself…and her. How do I fix it?”

“Groveling,” said Durek.

“Lots and lots of groveling,” Tolvex agreed with a smile.

“But then afterwards, you have make up sex. That’s a whole other category of pleasure of its own.” Wurvez waggled his eyebrows. The other males nodded with huge smiles.

“I need a plan.”

“Let’s help you with that.”