Page 24

“M ay I try?” Stalad asked quietly. Goddess, it hurts to see her pain.

Abby and the Jalaxian exchanged glances. They scooted back and made room for the Svesti.

He sat cross-legged on the floor in front of Morgan. Reaching out slowly, he placed his hands lightly on her knees. His tail slid to embrace her ankle. An acrid note overlaid her usual appealing scent. His nose twitched at the bitter smell.

“Breathe, Morgan. You’re safe here.” He inhaled deeply and loudly and held his breath for several seconds before exhaling slowly. Repeating the measured breaths, he tentatively moved his hands to cover hers at her waist. “You’re safe. No one will hurt you. Come back to us.”

Incrementally, Morgan’s breathing relaxed.

Peering through her hair and raising her red-rimmed eyes, his heart clenched when recognition lit her eyes.

She crawled into his lap and burrowed her face against his chest. His arms automatically surrounded her, and he held her close. He bent to whisper in her ear.

“I’ve got you. You’re safe, ciebala .”

She hiccupped and snuggled closer. His tail stroked her calf, and his hands lightly caressed her back.

“When you can move her, take her to her quarters. She needs peace and quiet right now, but she should not be left alone. One of us can stay with her if she wants.” Lezon spoke quietly.

Her hair tickled his bare skin when she violently shook her head.

“No.”

“No what, ciebala ?”

“I don’t want anyone else. Would you please stay with me?” His ears strained to hear her barely audible voice.

“Of course.” His answer rumbled low in his chest. “Can you walk or should I carry you?”

“I don’t want to see pity in everyone’s eyes.” Tears clogged her words.

“There’s no pity, but I will carry you anyway.

Hold on.” Stalad maneuvered so he could stand in a single fluid motion to lift their bodies upright.

Adjusting her weight against his torso, he used his arms to support her as he walked while his tail rubbed her back.

When he reached the residential corridor, he waited until she noticed the lack of motion.

“I need you to unlock your quarters.”

She waved a shaking hand over the security scanner. He instructed the computer to adjust the lighting to fifty percent.

“Where do you want to sit, ciebala ? The couch or your bed?”

“Couch, please.”

He sat on the furniture with her still in his embrace. She sighed. Long moments passed. Her eyes downcast and cheeks pink, she drew back.

“I’m so embarrassed. You can go now, Stalad. I’ll be fine.”

“You do not need to be embarrassed. If you wish me to leave, I will, but not until I call whomever you want to take my place. Lezon said you shouldn’t be alone.”

“I don’t need anyone.”

“Morgan…” His tail tugged on her wrist. “It’s either me or someone else.”

“So I don’t get to say no?” Anger grew in her voice.

“This is about your safety. Your emotional state can worsen if you are left to your own devices right now. None of us want you to suffer more than necessary to get through this.” He lifted his hands from her body.

“I don’t have to touch you to keep you company.

Your body remains your own.” I want to be here for her, but I won’t push her.

Her shoulders fell.

“I’m sorry. You’re trying to help and I’m being pissy.”

His brows came together as he tried to understand the word ‘pissy’ from her context.

“You are entitled to feel how you feel, ciebala .” His voice softened. “It seems you have unresolved emotions from your captivity.”

Water clouded her blue eyes making them shimmer in the low light.

“Oh, I know exactly how I feel about it all. I just wasn’t expecting those feelings to overwhelm me unexpectedly like they did.” She rubbed at her eyes. “It felt like a freight train hit me and the impact took my ability to breathe, hear, or see. My physical reaction scared me and made it worse.”

“Does this happen often?”

She pulled the remainder of her hair from her disheveled ponytail and combed her fingers through the tangles. Her scent settled into her usual pleasant one. When she leaned back into him, his arms rose to hold her.

“No. I’ve never had an episode like this.

Not long after I arrived on Costonia, I experienced smaller ones where I froze in panic.

I worked with a mind healer for a while and the panic attacks went away.

After the Wing Raiders rescued me from the Zuvgran, I spent most of the first two lunars recuperating from the residual effects from the experiments.

By the time I felt better, I also felt safe with everyone here. ”

“This is a good ship and crew.”

Her lips lifted. There she is. She should always be happy.

“They are. As fierce as they are, they still have huge hearts.” She sighed. “If you don’t mind babysitting, I would rather have you here than anyone else right now.” Her voice lowered. “You make me feel safe.”

Stalad consciously kept his chest from inflating with pride. She feels I can protect her and keep her safe.

“I’m happy to keep you company.”

Resting her cheek against his chest, she fell silent. A low, contented rumble emanated from him. I hope I don’t have a female waiting for me. I can’t imagine feeling this close to anyone else.

After some time, she said quietly, “I hated it.”

His tail stilled momentarily, then continued to stroke her back.

“I hated the fact that anyone with credits could do whatever they wanted to my body and I couldn’t say no.

In some weird way, I was lucky that my owner wouldn’t allow us to be beaten, didn’t like using the pain collars, and took steps to keep us healthy and relatively safe physically.

But mentally, I had to go away in my mind to survive each sexual encounter.

It’s difficult to admit, but each of those instances I consider rape.

It sounds crass, but to the males, we were just a series of warm holes. ”

His rumble morphed into a growl and his fists clenched at the small of her back. He made himself release as much tension as he could to keep from upsetting her.

“No one should have to go through that.”

“No. You know, on Earth, there were some men who felt if they bought a woman dinner or a drink, we owed them a sexual favor. Or if they were powerful, they felt entitled to who or what they wanted. It wasn’t unusual to have to disabuse them of such notions.

But I couldn’t do any of that on Delizas if I wanted to live or not be punished with pain.

Others technically owned and directed my body without my consent.

My self-worth grew smaller and smaller as time went on, despite talking my owner into a different type of establishment that relied on providing sexual fantasies, rather than the sex act itself. ”

“It sounds like you did the best you could under the circumstances. There is no shame in that, ciebala .” His fingers played with the silky ends of her long hair.

“I survived.”

“I’m glad you did.”

“You don’t think less of me?” Uncertainty and hesitation laced her voice.

“Of course not. Even if you had chosen to be a pleasure worker, I would not judge you for it. Doing what you hated ensured your survival. I abhor that you had to do it, but you are safe here now.” I want to go to Delizas and maim every male who hurt her, starting with her owner.

“I think Niksen pulling the same crap on you that some human men do on Earth brought all those complicated feelings up too fast and with too much intensity. The words I said were the words screaming in my mind on Delizas during the worst of it.” Her breath hitched.

“As time went on, I was afraid of losing my sense of self.”

“That makes sense. I wish I could carry your pain for you.”

Her cheeks lifted against his chest.

“That’s sweet. No one should have to bear this, but too many people do.”

“May I ask you a question?” Time to change the subject to something lighter.

“Of course.”

“Were you a performer on Earth?”

She laughed softly.

“I had to interrupt my schooling when my mother became ill. I cared for her until she died and worked as an exotic dancer. Yes, I did that on the silks. That paid for me to return to college and get my degree. While I was traveling across the country to my new job, I was kidnapped by Durelians.”

“What was the new job?”

“Teaching.”

“Teaching younglings?”

“Yes, I wanted to teach children.” A heavy exhale left her body, and her shoulders sagged. “It’s probably no longer possible.”

“Don’t say that. I’m sure you can find a suitable place to do what you enjoy.”

“I know if I stay with the Fortitude , it will never happen. However, I feel safe here, especially after the Zuvgran kidnapped me from the transport ship taking me to a colony.”

“You don’t have to decide today or even this solar . You’re young and have time.”

She sat back to look him in his eyes. He hoped she didn’t feel his erection underneath her luscious ass.

“You’re incredibly supportive, Stalad. It wouldn’t surprise me if there’s a nice female waiting for you somewhere.”

“If so, I hope she’s as wonderful as you, Morgan.”

When her hand came up to cup his jaw, he turned into it savoring her touch.

“You’re very sweet…and honorable.” Her fingers drifted away from his face.

The door chimed. They both looked in that direction.

“I should see who it is.”

“No, stay here. I’ll check.” He lifted her from his lap to the couch and stood. Opening the door, he found Abby waiting with a tray of food.

“May I come in?”

He glanced over his shoulder at Morgan who nodded. He stepped aside and gestured to Abby to enter.

“I brought you something to eat. Don’t neglect to rehydrate.”

“Thanks. I’m sorry for my meltdown.”

Abby waved a hand.

“No need. It’s normal after the shit we’ve been through. Are you feeling better? Can I get you anything?” She placed the tray on the table in front of Morgan.

“I’ve calmed down a lot thanks to Stalad. He’s a good listener.” Only because everything you say is interesting to me, ciebala.

“If you want to talk to any of us to vent or work through stuff, just comm and we’ll be here. Or if you decide you want something to help sleep later, Lezon or I can bring something by for you.”

“I appreciate it, but I think I’ll be okay. I might even make it to evening meal tonight if I can handle facing Niksen after all that.”

“She seemed pretty shaken that her behavior triggered a PTSD response in you. Maybe she’s not as big a bitch as we’ve thought.” Abby grinned. “One can only hope.”

A small laugh escaped Morgan.

“Thanks, Abby. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’d survive, girl, because that’s what we do.” Abby fist bumped Morgan.

“Maybe.”

“Definitely.” Abby headed for the door but turned halfway back. “Oh, Yaz says we’ll reach Ladorta in the morning. Makai says he’ll brief everyone on the plan to split up so we can handle the Svesti mission concurrently. Not sure when he’s going to do that, though.”

“We’ll be ready.” Stalad watched the human female leave before locating the cooling unit and pulling out some water pouches. He sat next to Morgan. “Let’s see what she brought.” He divided the food and between the two of them.

After swallowing a bite, Morgan said, “Thank you for being here with me, Stalad. I feel much better than I did an hour ago.”

“Any time you need me, ciebala , I will do my best to be there for you.” I only hope I can be there for you after I regain my memories.