Page 17

Lyra

I walk out of the hallway after Grease fulfills his promise of filling me up. I pat down my hair as Grease grabs my waist and pulls me back into him. He’s kissing my neck, and I laugh before swatting at him.

“Stop it! You got a small taste. Now let's enjoy the party until we can re-visit….”

“Alright, alright, alright. We gave you your claiming time. Now she’s ours,” Halle says as we enter the common room.

“Yeah, Shoo,” Sunny says, and I want to laugh at her attempt at being stern.

I smile as Grease growls, and the girls pull me away to the back of the room. They are all standing in a circle, and the minute I’m pulled into that circle, I want the ground to swallow me whole. Every single eye is on me. Pipers, Sunny, Jade, Ophelia, and even Izzy’s eyes are focused on me, even if she can't see me clearly. I take a deep breath and try to get this part over with.

“I’m so sorry I left and didn't tell anyone. I’m sorry I didn't tell you what was happening. I’m most sorry I may have brought danger to your front doors. I…”

“Stop, stop, stop,” Piper says, walking up and throwing her arms around me. I burst into tears at the warmth of her arms, the emotions riding high, and her simple acceptance of my apology. The other old ladies instantly surround me, and I feel like I’m in a mosh pit of love, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

“We were never mad at you for leaving or lying about your situation,” Piper says softly, pulling back.

“We were mad you didn't invite us to join the fucking circus,” Halle grumbles.

“That's not true either,” Izzy says in a soft, almost panicky voice.

“Is so! I’m pissed as fuck I didn’t get the invite! Do you know how famous I could be for my knife-throwing skills? Just picture it,” Halle throws her hands in front of her, spreading them wide. Like she's presenting the biggest show of her life.

“Halle’s Hat Tricks! I can make Loki stand on a platform. Shirtless, of course.”

“Of course,” Jade mutters, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. I try not to laugh.

“There’s a spotlight on me the whole time, but Loki is standing on his platform. He could even have a rope around his neck. Then, when the spotlights hit him, the floor drops out, and he falls; the stage goes dark. Spotlight only on me. Then…. Bum bum bummm…. Spotlight shows Loki, cut rope hanging down his neck and chest, smiling so adoringly at me, my knife stuck to the backboard behind him. The crowd would cheer at my marvelous skill at slicing the rope mid-fall and saving the Damned in Distress.”

“I think you mean damsel in distress,” Ophelia says.

“There are no damsels in the reckless omens,” Halle scoffs. “Even Izzy kicked ass when she had to!”

“Hey!” Izzy protests indignantly.

“All I mean by that is that you're a lover, not a fighter, babes. We all have our roles to play and our strengths to fulfill. Do you think I’m any damn good at the compassion shit? Fuck no! Do I want to be better? Hell yes! I want to be a nurturer for my kids. But it's just not my strong suit.”

“Your kids love you, Halle,” Sunny says softly.

“I never said they didn't doll. The problem is, I don't have the compassion Izzy has. I wish like hell I had her compassion, or Ophelia's quiet strength, and I mean more than taking on two men at a time… but I mean kudos, girl, kudos. I wish I had Sunny's outlook on the world. After all she’s been dealt, she still sees the beauty. Piper's badassness is always something to admire, but her faith in this world and all of us… that’s what I wish for most. I wish I had more faith in myself. I wish I had Jade's control. She makes sure everyone knows where she stands and she stands tall and unmoving for the things she believes in, but she also knows when to give. I don't. I can't just stop. And Beck- I mean Lyra, you were born to be a teacher. A person people use to look up to, to guide them. An amazing human being we can trust with our kids, the most important part of this family. That's so rare. I’m not pointing this all out for you all to tell me what you love about me or to get all mushy and shit. I’m telling you all so you realize we make this family whole. We all play a part, and we all need to be on the same page so that we can function to the best of our abilities.”

“Damn, Halle getting all fucking philosophical and shit,” Jade says, but I see her discreetly wipe a tear from her cheek as I do the same.

“See, should have let me stick with my circus performance. So Lyra, where's Mama at with the progress to my costume? I promised my man a show, and I can't fucking wait to deliver,” Halle says, bouncing up and down.

I smile and look over her shoulder as Mom peeks out from the hallway. I might not have known about the party, but I knew Mama planned to surprise Halle with their matching circus outfits tonight. She’s been nervous about this whole thing. Her major concern, though, was, of course, about me. She didn't want this new relationship with Halle to come off as replacing me or anything like that. We both needed the talk earlier today about how to proceed.

“Sugar bear?” I look up from my coffee to see Mama standing in front of me, twisting her hands.

“Hey, mama, want to sit with me? I can get you a cup of tea,” I say, placing my book on the table and giving her my attention.

“Oh no, sugar, that's alright. I’m about to wrestle some of my ingredients together for Mama's famous buttermilk biscuits. But I wanted to talk to you about something first,” she says again, looking nervous. Seeing my mama like this is not normal, especially with me. I know she’s worried about my reaction, but to what?

“You know we can always talk about anything, mama. That's what you always told me, and I’ve stuck by that to this day. Me and you, we’ve got each other. Always.” I give her a smile, but she has to force one out.

“I know, baby, and that will always be the case. You are my baby girl. You saved me. You will always be the bright little chubby-cheeked plum that saved my soul, but I think someone else might need me, too. You’ve found a life here, a family, a hunky man-meat that worships the ground you glide across. You don't need me so much but…” She hesitates, and I finish for her.

“Halle.” I declare.

She winces but nods before rushing out, “Sugar plum, it would never change our relationship. It doesn't replace everything we’ve been through or the fact that I would die a million deaths just to save you a broken nail, but you're also all grown up. Right before my eyes, my small, sweet, nerdy, lovable little Lyra isn't so little anymore. She’s found her path in life, and I couldn't be prouder. I know you will always need me, and come hell or high knickers, mamas gonna be there, sugar plum, but right now…”

“Right now, Halle needs you. Halle needs a mama in her life more than she’s willing to admit, but she needs more than that. She needs the love, affection, and attention only a mother can give…” I finish watching her smile and wipe a tear off her cheek. I smile back before continuing, “And who better to give that other than the best mother on this whole damn planet?”

She throws herself across the table and hugs me, almost knocking my coffee over onto my book, but I can only hug her back.

“She’s mentioned a sister, but it seems like they both had to grow up fast and don't get to see each other anymore. We know what that's like, don't we, baby?”

“Unfortunately, all too well. She has a sister, but Halle swears she is a secret spy with her high-risk job. They don't see each other much. Really, never, actually. She’s always traveling and working, apparently,” I tell her, giving her a sad smile.

“You know it doesn't change anything, sugarplum, and you’ll let me know when you feel left out or neglected or…”

“Mom, I promise there is nothing and no one that could come between our relationship, but I’ve had you at my back and in my corner all my life. I think Halle needs you more right now. Maybe some of the others girls need you more than they realize, but you and Halle share a… bond.” I want to laugh at her affronted face before we both burst out laughing.

“Which reminds me. I have an idea for your and Halles' first big bonding session.”

And that leads us to now. I happily forfeited my circus outfit over to Mama. With a few adjustments, she was able to get it to as close to Halle’s small stature as we could, all from eyeballing it.

It turned out perfect, and Mama decided tonight would be the perfect time to surprise her. I can't wait to see the happiness on her face, so without further ado, I wink and motion for Mama to bring it in.