Page 21 of Gracie Harris Is Under Construction
I’m probably right that Josh enjoys taking breaks and coming to the hardware store to talk to Brian.
It’s a three-minute walk, and he’s an old friend.
It also dawns on me that Josh likes supporting the business and will do everything possible not to go to a big home-improvement store if he can give the money to Brian instead. Josh does seem to love his people.
After I pay, I lift a Lenny’s take-out bag onto the counter. I know from previous visits and chats with Josh that Brian skips lunch most days to help keep staffing costs down. Brian’s eyes get big and excited just like Josh’s did the first time I brought a BLT home for lunch.
“Gracie, you did not,” he says in a surprised voice.
“Just a treat from your new favorite customer,” I say with a smile, walking to the door before he can try to give me something for free as a thank-you.
—
I get back to the house and have five minutes to relax before my midafternoon session with Dr. Lisa. I’ve been in Canopy for two weeks and am fully immersed in my new routine. This is the first time I’m able to get a session with Dr. Lisa. She made a special exception for me to meet on a Saturday.
“Gracie, it’s lovely to see you. I’ve been looking forward to our time together and hearing all about your first couple of weeks in Canopy at the new house. How has the adjustment been?”
“It’s gone surprisingly well. Everything about life is easy and comfortable here. I’ve fallen into a wonderful routine, and I have a great person helping around the house.”
“You look wonderful. I can tell you’re getting better sleep. You were carrying a lot of stress about the house in the lead-up to summer. What has changed?”
It’s not like Dr. Lisa to make comments on my physical appearance, so I know the difference must be dramatic.
The depression and exhaustion that followed Ben’s death were not how I expected to reclaim the bone structure of my twenties.
But good rest and the bits of sunshine from my walks into town seem to have made a difference.
“The truth is that I expected the broken house to be a buzzkill. Not to be obnoxiously poetic, but I thought it would be a painful reminder of the work-in-progress sign I have hanging around my own neck. Instead, I feel possibilities. Potential. I haven’t really felt those two things since Ben died. ”
“I was very hopeful this would happen. A change of scenery is often the best medicine in a situation like yours. Now, you mentioned someone helping you around the house. Tell me about them.”
“His name is Josh, and he’s the brother of my real estate agent here.”
I dive into the story of why Josh is available, making a joke that he could likely benefit from his own therapist who helps him set boundaries.
I tell her about my meltdown with the first interview and his offer to help.
I share bits and pieces of the conversations that he and I have had and how much I like them.
“It’s nice to get to know someone brand-new, from scratch,” I tell her. “Maybe it’s more accurate to say that I like someone else getting to know me in that way. He knows my story, of course, but it doesn’t feel like baggage.”
“After a traumatic event, it’s important to have all different types of friendships. Your old friends are critical to your healing, but new friends are key to helping you grow as well. Aside from Josh, have you gotten to know anyone else?”
“Yes, but I’ll be honest that it’s only because Josh pushed me to do it. He told me I needed to work on my small talk, so now I have new friends at a few different spots in town that I visit often.”
Dr. Lisa is usually good at keeping a straight face, but the small-talk comment brings a genuine smile to her face.
She knows I’m an overthinker and that my small-talk skills are, let’s just say, an identified area for development.
We talk for a good while about my new daily routine and how I’m building space for rest and meditation.
With five minutes left in our abbreviated session, she poses one last, seemingly innocent question.
“Gracie, is there anything else you would like to share?”
“Yes,” I say, but with hesitation and a frustrated sigh.
“I hate to admit this because it’s the least independent-woman thing I could ever say, but I like having a man around the house again.
I like having someone to casually talk to, to fix things, to make me laugh when I need it.
The energy in my life feels balanced out. ”
“You spent half your life in a relationship with Ben. I’m not surprised you feel comfort in having a situation that allows you to get some companionship back, even on this smaller level.”
Then Dr. Lisa nods quietly for a moment before continuing with a zinger of a follow-up. “Is it having a man or this man around that feels good?”
I am genuinely caught off guard by the question. So much for curveball prep.
I remember back to earlier in the year when my dad came to stay with us for a week.
There were tasks around the house that needed to be taken care of—gutters, old light fixtures, bathroom grout—and he offered to hang out and tend to the household chores.
Despite the fact that I had spent eighteen years of my life sharing a house with him, I was annoyed and ready for my own space by the end of his visit.
It isn’t just that on my mind, though. I think back to the many men I’d been out on dates with and the few I even brought back home for a night.
It never crossed my mind to invite them around again—there was no appeal to having them in my space.
Still, I can’t decide the right answer to her question, because I’m not sure.
“Maybe a bit of both,” I start, tipping my chin up slightly and genuinely thinking through how I feel about this line of questioning.
“I guess if you made me pick one, though, I would say this type of man.” It didn’t strike me as a big deal as I was saying it, but as soon as I finish, it certainly feels like a confession.
“Interesting,” she replies. Dr. Lisa’s favorite word and her kind way of drawing out more explanation from you.
I don’t bite, so she continues. “Gracie, I want you to explore this. Pay attention to how you feel when he’s around.
I don’t mean surface-level stuff—like, Oh, this is nice to not eat lunch alone today .
No, I want you focused on the emotions down a layer or two.
Why does it feel nice? What about Josh makes you feel this way?
What empty cup has this filled? Don’t overthink it, but I know that’s easier said than done. ”
Dr. Lisa has just insinuated that I might be into a guy like Josh…romantically. I’m already into the way he does home repairs. She’s dropped a bomb into my psyche and has the audacity to follow up with Don’t overthink it ? I will think of nothing else until we talk again in a few weeks.