Page 36 of Goldrage (The Chrysophilist Trilogy #3)

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

AURELIA

M y fingers trace the leather spines; each book holds its own secret. The estate’s library has become my refuge, though not for the reasons anyone watching might assume. Most of these books haven’t been looked at in years, making them perfect hiding place for Valentine’s notes.

Yesterday’s note, tucked inside a first edition of Wuthering Heights , was brief: Another Consortium party tomorrow tonight. J and L to attend.

Relief had flooded through me at those simple words. Julian and Lady Harrow are gone for the night and I can breathe again. I can wear Adrian’s gift without fear of those manicured claws ripping it from my throat again.

The emerald necklace rests against my collarbone now. I’ve kept it hidden in my room since the day I took it back from Lady Harrow. But tonight, with the monsters away, I’m free to let it sparkle against my skin.

I can feel Adrian’s love with me.

As I wander the library, a slim volume from Emily Dickinson catches my eye.

Actually, the way it sticks out just a bit from its neighbors.

It’s subtle but I know what it means since no one else touches these books.

My pulse quickens as I slide the book free, tucking it beneath my arm with another one. Then I move outside to the garden.

Crickets have already started singing as I wander the winding paths. The perfume of flowers mingles with the scent of fresh-cut grass, creating an almost narcotic sweetness. I choose a secluded spot near the fountain, then I check Valentine’s note that’s in the Dickenson novel.

Tonight. Midnight. His room. 20 minutes.

My heart flips. Twenty minutes. God, twenty whole minutes with Adrian. I can’t believe Valentine got us so much time. I’m so grateful. But also… why? Does Adrian need to talk about his plan? I bite my lip and grin as I stuff the note in my bra.

Or maybe… Adrian is already trying to break our agreement.

The thought of him unable to resist pulling me into his arms sends heat pooling low in my belly. We’ve been careful. Stolen glances across the dinner table. Brushing each other lightly if we pass in the hallway. The constant, gnawing ache of wanting someone just out of reach.

Either way, joy bubbles up like champagne. Twenty minutes. I’ll take whatever scraps of time the universe grants us.

It’s 11:55 p.m. when I slip from my room. Silk whispers against my skin. I chose this nightgown specifically for how it clings and flows, how the pale fabric turns almost translucent. With bare feet, I tiptoe through the mansion, avoiding any guards thanks to Valentine’s instructions.

Everything goes smoothly and soon I’m outside Adrian’s door. I open the door silently, and the sight that greets me makes my heart flutter again.

Adrian stands by the window, bathed in moonlight like some shirtless fallen angel. He’s gorgeous. He’s mine . At least, for 20 minutes.

“Aurelia.” My name on his lips sends goosebumps along my skin

His eyes devour me, tracking from my bare feet up my legs, lingering where the nightgown clings to my hips, my breasts, before finally meeting my gaze. Heat flares in those dark depths, quickly hidden but not before I catch it.

I move forward, every cell in my body screaming to close the distance, to lose myself in his solid warmth. But our agreement—that goddamn agreement we made to keep our distance—stops me like an invisible wall. I won’t be the one to break it. He started it, so he has to break it first.

The space between us thrums with unspoken need.

His gaze drops to my necklace, and that familiar smirk plays at the corner of his mouth. “So you regained it?”

I catch my bottom lip between my teeth, nodding. The gesture feels oddly shy, like I’m fifteen again and he’s noticing me for the first time.

“How are you feeling?” Adrian asks, settling into the chair by the window. Always putting distance between us. Always the responsible one. “You look… you look beautiful.”

“Better now,” I say, sitting on the edge of his bed. The mattress dips beneath my weight, and I resist the urge to lie back, to stretch out like a cat and see if his control would crack. “I’ve missed talking to you. Really talking, not just glances.”

I study his face in the moonlight. The sharp angle of his jaw. The way his hair falls across his forehead, begging for my fingers to push it back. The subtle tension in his shoulders that tells me this distance is killing him too.

I could just lean back… spread my legs and…

I groan. He’s being so controlled that I worry he wouldn’t take the bait.

Adrian’s smile is soft. “Tell me about your day. How was it?”

“Well, Julian won’t return my phone so all I can do is read, write, or wander the gardens. Today was just that. Trying not to lose my mind from boredom.” I tilt my head, returning his smile. “And I think about you all the time.”

My words are a challenge, and I watch as he leans forward in his chair, eyes darkening with that familiar hunger that makes my knees weak.

“Then our days are the same. I’m constantly thinking of you. ”

I slide off the bed, drawn to him like a magnet. We’re playing with fire, but God, I need the burn.

“Is that so?” I say. “Do you spend your time imagining what you’d do if these walls weren’t watching?”

His jaw tightens. “Aurelia…”

“What?” I’m close enough now to see when he takes a hard swallow. “Tell me you don’t lie awake thinking about us.”

“Every damn second.”

I reach out, fingertips barely grazing his bare chest. He catches my wrist but doesn’t push me away. Instead, his thumb traces circles on my pulse point, and I swear he can feel how my heart races at his touch.

“The way you looked at dinner tonight…” I lean closer, close enough that my breath ghosts across his jaw. “Like you wanted to devour me right there at the table. That was a risky look.”

His other hand comes up to cup my face, thumb brushing across my cheekbone with devastating gentleness. “You have no idea the restraint it takes. Watching you across that room, knowing I can’t?—”

“Can’t what?” I turn my head slightly, lips almost brushing his palm. “Touch me? Kiss me? Make me forget everything but your name?”

He groans, fingers sliding into my hair. We’re so close now I can feel the heat radiating from his body. I smell the faint trace of his soap.

His free hand finds the emerald necklace, fingers tracing the stones. “I’m happy you’re keeping this safe.”

“It’s the only piece of you I was allowed to keep. ”

“Aurelia…” His hand tightens in my hair, tilting my face up to his. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

“What a way to go,” I whisper against his mouth, so close I can taste his breath.

God, just kiss me. Fuck this agreement.

The last thread of his control snaps. His lips brush mine in a kiss so light it’s barely there. Yet somehow it burns hotter than anything else could. I make a small sound of need, pressing closer.

“I thought we agreed to wait,” I tease, though my body screams in protest at the distance. Honestly, I’m savoring this—the power to draw him in, to make him lose that iron control of his. The separation has been madness, and I need him to break. Need us both to shatter and rebuild in the wreckage.

But my words work too well, like I’ve thrown cold water on him. Adrian steps back, leaving my body icy and aching in his absence.

“Yes,” he says in a neutral tone. “I thought so too.”

I blink at the sudden shift, confusion replacing my arousal. “Adrian?”

He turns back to the window and his shoulders are rigid with tension again. “When you snuck in here last night… that was too big of a risk. I don’t understand your reasoning.”

I blink again, harder this time, trying to process his words. “What are you talking about?”

His brow furrows as he studies my face in the moonlight. “Don’t play games. You were very… enthusiastic about repaying me for last time.”

Irritation begins to flare, mixing unpleasantly with my lingering desire. I shake my head. “What? I was in my room all night. I never left except to get a snack. So what are you talking about? Did you take some medication before bed and?—”

He sighs like I’m disappointing him, and that sound ignites my temper.

“I’m not upset, only concerned,” he says.

“You could’ve gotten caught. I presume you had Valentine turn off the cameras, but it’s still a risk.

Right now, everything is a risk. So moving forward we must only meet when it’s absolutely necessary for our plans.

” He returns to me, taking my shoulders gently.

“This separation is difficult, and I want nothing more than to pull you against me whenever you’re near, but we must be strong. We’re so close to?—”

“Stop,” I say, pushing back from his touch. “You’re not listening to me. I wasn’t here. I was nowhere near your room.”

“You don’t need to feel embarrassed.”

Embarrassed? Heat floods my face from pure, unfiltered anger. I step farther away, putting cold distance between us where moments ago there was only fire.

I cross my arms in a huff. “What’re you talking about? I’m not embarrassed about anything. Is this why you called me here? To accuse me of something I didn’t do?”

“Not accuse you. I just wanted to talk about last night.”

“I wasn’t here!”

He frowns. No softness. Just that clinical confirmation that shatters whatever remained of the moment we’d shared.

“I’m not doing this.” I turn toward the door, my spine rigid. “If you don’t need to tell me something about our plans, good night.”

“Aurelia—” He reaches for me, but I’m already moving, already fleeing this room that suddenly feels like a trap.

Tears blur my vision as I slip into the hallway, but I refuse to let them fall until I’m safely away from his sight. I hurry through the mansion, but halfway to my room, my pace falters.

Why wasn’t Adrian listening to me?

His dismissal hurts. He was so certain that I was there last night. And the way he looked at me, like I was lying to his face. My feet slow to a stop in an empty corridor. What does he think I did? The word “enthusiastic” echoes in my mind, twisting my stomach into knots.

I should’ve demanded answers. I should have stayed and fought through his dismissal instead of letting my temper drive me away. My fatal flaw strikes again: helpful for revenge, catastrophic for love.

I’m so damn irritated, but the irritation begins to morph into dread. Why did Adrian think I was in his room? Was it medication? God knows what they’re giving him for the pain. Hallucinations aren’t uncommon with certain drugs, especially in combination with trauma and stress.

Or… was someone really in his room?

My stomach drops like I’ve stepped off a cliff. Someone could’ve entered Adrian’s room. And what exactly did they do to him while he thought it was me?

I pivot on my heel. The smart move is to return to my room since I’m out of time and guards will be returning to watch Adrian. But what if someone really assaulted him? Someone who wanted him to think it was me. The thought makes my skin crawl and I just have to go back to him to talk.

My bare feet whisper against marble as I retrace my steps. God, this feels stupid but…

I duck into an alcove as footsteps echo up ahead. Two guards pass, their conversation casual. Thankfully, they don’t notice me. My heart is pounding and I’m shaking from adrenaline, but they continue on. I quickly dart away.

Three more corridors. Two more turns. I can make it. Maybe the guards that are always in front of Adrian’s door won’t be there yet.

Another set of guards appears at the intersection ahead. I slip behind a massive marble column, holding my breath as they pause directly in my path. One checks his watch. The other yawns. Neither moves.

Come on. Move!

Precious seconds tick by. I need to reach Adrian before?—

Someone grabs my arm and covers my mouth before I can yelp.

“Quiet,” the voice hisses, and I recognize it’s Valentine. “Come on,” he whispers and pulls me around a corner.

He releases me and I frown at him. “What’re you doing?” I say in a hushed voice.

“Stopping you before you do something stupid.”

“I-I need to talk to him again. I didn’t?— ”

“You can’t. I’m sorry but the guards are back on their normal patrol. You’re lucky I was watching a private feed and saw you sneaking around. If you get caught, it’ll jeopardize everything. So take a moment and think. ”

My jaw pulses. “You don’t understand. I think someone’s playing games?—”

“I understand perfectly.” His eyes hold mine, and for a moment, I see regret flash across his features. “Which is why you need to return to your room. Now.”

“But—”

“Go. Before someone spots us.”

Frustration burns in my chest. Every instinct screams to fight past him, to reach Adrian and make him understand. But Valentine’s logic cuts through my desperation. He’s right. Being caught now would only make everything worse.

“Fine,” I mumble.

He disappears back into the night, leaving me alone in the hallway with my racing thoughts and breaking heart.

I stumble the rest of the way to my room on unsteady legs. Once inside, I sink onto the bed. The silk nightgown that felt so seductive before now clings to my skin like shame.

Someone could’ve been in Adrian’s room. Someone who wanted him to think it was me.

It had to be Bianca, unless Lady Harrow brought in some outside woman. Either way, I know Lady Harrow is involved. I just don’t know why .

The tears I’ve been holding back finally fall, but they’re not because I’m still hurt from my argument with Adrian. They’re tears of rage and of the terrible understanding that Lady Harrow would go so far. Trying to kill him wasn’t enough, apparently. She had to violate and humiliate him too.

I scream into my pillow and then stare at the ceiling. I really pray I’m wrong; I pray it was a hallucination from his meds.

But somehow I need to find out the truth.