Page 4

3Jude

Five days later, Jude sang a catchy Taylor Swift song while he pulled the last load of laundry out of the dryer. He carried the basket into the kitchen and started folding Lizbet’s tiny things on the table.

“God above!” Cope said on a laugh. “Do my eyes deceive me, or is that my beloved Jude doing laundry? Who are you, and what have you done with my husband?”

“Can’t a man do something nice for his newlywed boo?” Jude snickered. “Taking this trip was my idea. The least I can do is pull my weight in preparing for it.” Jude knew there were times when he was content to let Cope handle the bulk of the household chores. He’d promised himself he would do more in the future, and to be honest, laundry wasn’t as hard as it looked. Not that he’d tell Cope.

“We’re hardly newlyweds,” Cope said with a grin.

“That sounds better than saying we’ve newly renewed our vows. See, it doesn’t roll off the tongue.” Jude shook his head.

“Seriously though, what’s on your mind? You haven’t been your usual self over the last few days. You’re not regretting our second wedding, are you?” Cope nibbled his bottom lip. “Jesus, is that why you’re helping around the house, because you’re going to leave me?” Cope’s voice sounded panicked.

Jude got out of his seat and pulled Cope into his arms. “I would never leave you.” Although Jude could see why Cope had jumped to that conclusion. He’d talked a lot lately about wanting Wolf to see his culture and experience what life was like in Navajo Nation. It wasn’t the biggest leap to conclude he might want his son raised on the reservation.

Cope held on tightly. Seeming not to want to let go. “Really?”

Jude set his hands on either side of Cope’s face. “You and the kids are my entire world. I would never leave you. I promise.” He pressed a kiss to Cope’s furrowed brow. “But there is something on my mind.” Moving away from his husband, Jude went to the fridge and grabbed two bottles of water. He opened the first one, slugging down half the bottle in one sip, and handed the other to Cope.

“What’s got your mind in a knot?” Cope asked. His voice had returned to normal and didn’t seem quite as anxious as he’d been.

“I’ve been thinking about Wolf, his family, and his culture.” Jude sighed heavily. He’d been turning all of this over and over in his mind without any answers. Cope would know exactly what to say, same with Ronan and Fitz, but Jude was stubbornly trying to figure out his own solution since no one else had ever lived on the reservation and experienced what he’d gone through growing up.

“In what context?” Cope asked.

Jude slumped back into his seat and reached for one of Lizbet’s footie pajamas. His hands shook as he folded it. “You know what a bad experience I had on the reservation. I don’t want Wolf to ever experience the things I went through, but on the other hand, have I been keeping him from his family and his destiny because of my own past hurts and slights?” Jude turned his eyes back to his husband, who he hoped would be able to make this situation a bit more manageable.

“Okay, let’s look at this from a different angle. Do you think Wolf is missing out because I’ve put my Devereaux magic away?”

“That’s different. You’re talking about spell books and curses. They’re just items passed down through the generations of your family. I’m talking about Wolf’s people and culture.”

Cope sighed. “I’m glad my mother didn’t hear you say that. She would have gone through the roof and turned you into a toad.”

Jude grinned at his husband. He wished, not for the first time, that he could have known Elizabeth Devereaux. “What do you mean?”

“My mother was a fifth-generation legacy witch. I’m the sixth generation. Our magic was very much at the heart of our lives. It was our culture. Mom would work spells with me over breakfast. We’d go on nature walks so I could learn which plants to use in certain spells. It’s not just knowing which words to say in order to get a desirable result; it’s the time and care that goes into it. I imagine it’s not much different for Italian children learning how to make pasta or red sauce with their nonna.”

Jude hadn’t thought about it that way. “Yeah, okay. I’m sorry I didn’t think your gifts weren’t as important as Wolf’s culture. It’s just that I feel like I’ve been tortured over this my entire life, and now I’m feeling all kinds of ways about Wolf.”

“Wolf is five years old, Jude. He’s got the rest of his life to make decisions about his future. Which culture or religion to follow will come in time. All we can do is present him with age-appropriate choices and let him go from there.”

“I get that. I really do, but what if Wolf chooses…” Jude sunk his head into his hands. He didn’t want to say the last word he was thinking.

“What if Wolf chooses wrong?” Cope asked gently.

Jude nodded. “I know exactly what you’re going to say. There is no right or wrong answer.”

Cope grinned. “I was going to say that, but here’s the second piece. As his parents, all we can do is give him the tools and the freedom to make the decision that’s right for him.”

The thought of Wolf choosing his culture over Jude made his stomach ache. “Everything is so perfect right now. Our relationship. Having two small kids. Working with my two best friends. Life can’t get any better than it is in this moment. I don’t want to lose that.”

“I remember when Wolf was about a year old and he got that stomach bug,” Cope said, sounding oddly wistful.

Jude nodded. “Poor little thing. He alternated between throwing up and blowing out his diapers.”

“Right,” Cope agreed. “In the middle of it, you said that you couldn’t wait until Wolf was old enough to use the potty. Then there was that time you bought a LEGO kit, and Wolf dumped the bags out all over the kitchen floor, and you couldn’t wait until he was old enough to build with you, remember?”

“I do,” Jude said, seeing where Cope was going with his line of thought.

“As parents, we’re told to live in the moment, to be present with our kids, but there’s always this part of us that looks to the future. Will Wolf be a linebacker for the New England Patriots? Will he be a doctor? A lawyer? A detective like his father and uncles? All we can do is prepare Wolf to make those decisions as he gets older. When you left the reservation, was there anyone or anything that could have talked you out of going?”

“It’s funny you ask. Ever since we booked this trip, I’ve been thinking about that night. I’d done everything in my power to make a quiet getaway in the night so there wouldn’t be a long and drawn-out goodbye with Eagle, but now, thinking a bit deeper, I think I wanted to leave in the middle of the night so my grandfather wouldn’t talk me into staying.” Jude was silent for a moment, trying to get his emotions back under control. “I’ve never told anyone this before, but I cried the entire way from Arizona into California.”

“Why were you crying? Because you were away from your family or because you were afraid of what the future would hold?”

“Yes,” Jude said on a snort. “I wasn’t sure I was making the right decision. I’d never been on my own before. I certainly had never been a private investigator. For all I knew, I’d hate it. There was so much uncertainty in what I was doing.”

“Could you have gone back to the reservation?” Cope asked gently.

Jude nodded. “I knew that was always an option, but I also knew how badly people would treat me for wanting to leave and then having to crawl back home as a failure.” In Jude’s mind, there would have been nothing worse than having to go back as the loser everyone had said he was.

“Wolf and Lizbet will both know they can always come home. No matter what. We’re raising them to be their own people but with the knowledge we’ll always catch them if they fall.”

“We’ve talked a lot about that over the years, but what if Wolf wants to make a life for himself in Arizona?”

“Tell me what you think is so scary about Wolf settling down out west.”

Jude sighed. He knew exactly what was scaring him but wasn’t quite sure he could explain it in a way that Cope would understand. Hell, he felt half-crazy thinking about the situation. “If Wolf wants to live out there, I’ll feel like I failed as a father. What kind of son or daughter doesn’t want to live near their family?”

“Would you still feel like a failure if Wolf was an actor and lived in Los Angeles? Or was a doctor in Omaha? Or a beach bum in Belize?”

“No, of course not. I mean, I would hate not being near him, but we could always move to California or Central America. I just…” Jude stopped in his tracks, realizing that he’d made Cope’s point for him. “Damn,” he muttered.

“The only way we could be considered failures as parents is if we don’t give our kids what they need to succeed in this crazy world. The idea that they’d one day walk away from us is terrifying. I don’t know what I’d do without Wolf’s crooked smile or Lizbet’s giggle. I still struggle putting him on the bus every day. Time marches on, and we have to keep to the beat or be left in the dust. Our life is absolutely perfect right now, raising two little ones and with careers we both love. Let’s just live in this moment and soak in all the triumphs life has to offer.” Cope wrapped his arms around Jude and held on.

“Hugging again?” Wolf sighed and dropped to the floor. He gave his legs a shake and was still.

“Oh no! Our love has killed Wolfie!” Cope cried out in anguish.

“What will we do without him?” Jude asked, sounding equally grieved. “Wait! Does that mean I’d get Wolf’s dessert tonight?”

“I guess it does,” Cope agreed.

“What?” Wolf shouted, getting back to his feet. “No one’s eating my dessert but me.”

“You’re alive!” Cope crowed. “Oh, thank goodness.” He scooped his son into his arms and set him on the kitchen counter.

“What were you talking about? It sounded serious.” Wolf looked back and forth between his fathers.

Jude sighed. He didn’t want to bring Wolf into the discussion about his future, but on the other hand, he didn’t want to lie to his son either. “Dad and I were talking about our visit to Navajo Nation and if you might want to live there one day.”

The happy look on Wolf’s face morphed into one of seriousness, something he didn’t often display. “I love living here, Daddy. My friends are across the street. My whole family is here. My school. The library. I’ll always want to live right here in Mass-a-shoe-fits.”

Jude snorted at Wolf’s pronunciation. “We were talking about the future, when you’re old enough to make your own decisions.”

Wolf set a hand over his heart. “Grampa Eagle told me that his home and our culture is right here.” He reached forward and set his other hand on Jude’s chest. “He also said I bloomed where I was planted.”

Wolf had indeed blossomed. “Eagle’s right about that.”

“Grampa is always right.” Wolf giggled when Jude poked his tummy. “I’m gonna start packing.” The little boy jumped from the counter, his arms thrown wide open as if he could fly. He hit the floor and tucked himself into a somersault. “I’ll get Lizzy B’s suitcase out of the closet along with mine.”

“I’ll be up in a minute with my list,” Cope called after his son. “Well, that was interesting.”

“It was,” Jude agreed. His heart, which had been hammering in his chest a few minutes ago, had settled back into its usual rhythm. Hearing Wolf say he was happy in Salem meant the world to him.

“Life is unpredictable.” Cope walked toward his office. “All we can do is hold on for the ride and enjoy every moment.”

Jude knew his husband was right. Anything was possible. Wolf could end up leading photo safaris in Africa. Lizbet could be an opera singer in Paris. It would hurt a little to see his kids spread their wings and fly, but it would hurt so much more if he raised them to be the kind of people who didn’t take chances or chase their dreams.

No matter where Lizbet and Wolf landed in life, it would be with Jude’s blessing.

And an in-law apartment for him and Cope.