Page 21

CHAPTER 20

EMBER

I missed you.

“Anything else?”

Ghost takes the duffel from Ben and opens the zipper. Crow ordered him to bring Ghost clothes and stuff he’ll need, and the prospect seems to have thought of everything. My ex pulls a box of rubbers out of the bag and frowns. He definitely won’t needing those.

“Nope,” Ghost says. “Should be good for now.”

“Okay. I’ll be on my way then.” Ben moves to the door. “Have a good night.”

Once the decision was made for Ghost to stay here, he didn’t waste any time. It’s only been an hour since then, and while his mom went to bed, happy to have her ‘baby boy under the same roof again’, I’ve been sitting on the couch wariness taking a toll on my senses.

“You, too.”

Ben leaves, and Ghost drops the duffel to the floor near the hallway. Poker left once Crow gave the okay for him to go, and now that we’re alone together, nerves attack my system.

“Is this really necessary?” I ask when the silence stretches on too long.

“Oh, c’mon, it won’t be that bad.”

When he sits, I stand. “That’s exactly what I’m worried about.”

The way his brows shoot up tells me I couldn’t shock him more if I told him I’m a princess of some faraway country. He leans back against the cushions, appearing to weigh my words.

“Why does that worry you, Em?”

Throwing up my arms, I turn to face him. “The truth?” He doesn’t bother responding because he knows that I know he always wants the truth from me. “Fine. It worries me because I’m afraid to realize that I made a huge mistake letting you go.”

His mouth drops open. Apparently, I could shock him more. My earlier thoughts regarding talking to him about the last fifteen years crowd my brain. I know it’s a conversation that needs to happen, but where do I even start?

“Em, come sit down,” he urges, and then he waits for me to listen. I hesitate for a moment before circling the coffee table and sitting on the opposite end of the sofa. “Would it be so bad to realize it was a mistake? Do you hate me that much?”

“God, no. I don’t hate you. I never did. I tried, but hating you isn’t in my DNA. It’s an impossibility.”

“Good to know,” he says, a smile in his voice. “Talk to me. Please.”

I grab a throw pillow and hug it to my chest to keep myself from scooting closer to him. Talking had never been a problem between us. He was my best friend, and I could always tell him anything. Now, though… I just don’t know.

“Why didn’t you fight for me?” I finally ask, blurting out the one question I’ve always needed an answer to.

“What?”

“You didn’t fight for me, Parker.” He doesn’t correct my use of his legal name. “I broke things off, I know, but I’d have caved. I’d have gone to Oregon with you if you wanted me to.”

“I did want you to,” he whispers harshly. “How could you possibly think otherwise?”

I shrug. “You never asked. You just assumed.”

“We were engaged, Em,” he reminds me. “Engaged and ready to spend our lives together. I shouldn’t have had to ask you to go with me.”

He’s right, of course. He shouldn’t have had to, but I was young and dumb and, at the time, it’s what I needed from him. I don’t say that, though. Instead, I ask another question.

“Did you know that I called you? A week after I broke it off, I called, but you’d already moved. Why’d you leave so fast?”

He groans, as if my admission causes him physical pain. “I couldn’t stay, Em. I couldn’t face you, couldn’t face all the questions and looks of pity from the people in this town. I had to go because if I stayed, I don’t know what would’ve happened to me.”

“When your mom told me you left, it broke me,” I admit, tears springing to my eyes. “All I could picture was you in another state, living your dream, living it up… without me.” I rub my chest, my heart aching. “It broke me, Parker. Shattered me into a million little pieces that took years to put back together.”

He leans forward, resting his forearms on his knees, and turns his head to stare at me. Pain bleeds from his eyes, and that threatens to break me all over again.

“I wasn’t living it up,” he says quietly. “Hell, I was barely living at all.”

I take a deep breath, and then another and another. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, tears spilling over my lashes to run down my cheeks. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

His carefully crafted control snaps. He moves closer and pulls me into his arms. I could struggle, but I don’t want to. I need this, need him. Even if it is only temporary.

“Fuck, Em, I’m sorry, too,” he says, pressing his cheek to the top of my head. I’m straddling him now, and my cheek is pressed to his chest. “So much wasted time.”

I don’t know how long we sit like this, me crying and him offering comfort. Eventually, my tears dry up, and I lean back to look him in the eyes.

“I missed you,” I admit. “There were so many times I wanted to call, so many things I ached to tell you.”

Ghost cups my cheeks and presses a soft kiss to my lips. “I missed you too. So goddamn much.”

Resting my forehead against his, I ask, “Can we be friends? Can we move past all the hurt and be more than employer slash employee?”

He hesitates, and for a split second, I worry that he’ll say no, but when he replies, all my worry is chased away and replaced by warmth and relief.

“I’d love that, Em. More than you know.”