Page 42 of Game Changer (Wynn Hockey #5)

Jax

What the fuck just happened?

I try to smile and focus on the fans as I sign autographs and make small talk, aware of Chucky next to me doing the same.

I thought Chucky was going to deck me, and I was ready to take it like a man. But maybe I should be thanking him. Haha.

All I know is, when Molly said she fell in love with me, I was done.

Done. Finished. Dead. My heart cracked at what she said. I can’t bear that I hurt her. I didn’t know.

Okay, maybe I did.

I sign another jersey and pose for a photograph, smile in place.

I knew it was hard for us both to say goodbye at the end of her stay. I knew I was a miserable bastard after she left. I guess I didn’t realize how hard it was for her.

Then she was crying and apologizing for falling for me, and fuck! That’s not right!

She said she can’t get over me. Christ. What have I done?

I think I fucked up big time.

All I know is, I can’t lose Molly again. She’s what’s been missing in my life. She’s why I haven’t been interested in seeing other women. She’s why signing this contract hasn’t felt that celebratory. I need her to celebrate with. I need her to commiserate with. I need her for every damn thing.

I’m still not sure what happened there with Steve getting pissed at me for hurting her, when he’s the one who broke her heart.

When Modi finally tells us we’re done, we push back our chairs and stand. I meet Chucky’s eyes and jerk my head to the back of the tents where we were earlier. “We need to talk.”

He narrows his eyes, lifts his chin and follows me.

Behind the tent, I turn to face him, my shoulders hunched. But I hold his gaze steadily when I say, “I’m in love with Molly.”

“I got that,” he says quietly.

“I’m sorry, man. I know it’s weird and awkward and I never meant for it to happen.” I suck air into my lungs. “We both agreed we’d just have fun over the summer, but it turned into more.”

“For her too, apparently.”

He’s remarkably calm. Although there is a vein pulsing in his forehead.

I swallow. “I have to find out. If she really feels the same.” I still hold his gaze.

He stares at me and I start to think he’s going to try to hit me again. Then he says, “I get it.”

“We have to play together. I don’t want things to be…weird and awkward,” I repeat lamely.

“Oh, it’s going to be weird and awkward.”

My gut tenses.

Then Chucky sighs. “We’ll get over it. Go do what you have to do. Just…don’t be an idiot. Like me.”

Shared understanding vibrates between us.

Maybe this will be okay.

I give him a short nod and turn to bolt.

In my vehicle, I sit for a moment before starting the engine. It’s goddamn bizarre, but whatever. It feels…right. Like this had to happen.

I grip the steering wheel of my SUV. Okay. I got this.

No. I don’t. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been in this position before. I’m always the one making a quick exit, and this time…well, I tried, thinking that was what we had to do. But I screwed up.

I tip my head back and let out a long stream of breath.

Who can I talk to? I need help.

Fuck.

I don’t have friends I can talk to about this. I mean, Rico and Heart are my two best buddies still left on the team, now that Gander is gone. But I don’t share all my deepest secret crap with them. That’s not me. I haven’t said a word to them about Molly, out of fear it would get back to Chucky.

Too late for that, though. Rico apparently saw the Instagram post that led to this shit show.

I remember my mom lamenting that I don’t talk to her. And Molly commenting about all the time I’d lost with my dad because of not talking about what happened.

Shit.

Welp, if Mom wants me to talk to her, she’s about to get an earful.

I put my SUV in gear and leave the parking lot.

I wait for my mom to say, “I knew it!” or “I told you so!”

Luckily, she doesn’t. Because I don’t really want to have my stupidity rubbed in my face. My mom’s pretty great.

“Remember what I said at the lake?” she asks, in a calm voice.

“That I don’t talk to you enough?”

“Well, that too. But I told you men aren’t programmed to cheat. There are many reasons that they do. But it’s always a choice.”

“Right.” I rub my face. “I get that. But…I’m afraid I’ll screw up.

I want to believe in love. I want to believe in happily ever after.

After this summer…I guess my eyes were opened.

I thought Chelsea married Grandpa for his money.

Turns out they really love each other. I thought Dad cheated on you.

Turns out he didn’t. I want to believe I can be faithful to one woman for the rest of my life. ”

“That’s not good enough for Molly.”

“What?” My jaw slackens, and my gut goes hollow. I stare across the room.

“You can’t go to her hoping you can be faithful. You have to know it. You have to know that every day, you’ll make that choice not to cheat. Every day , Jax. You have to believe in yourself.”

I close my eyes.

“Is she worth it?” Mom asks quietly.

I nod slowly, even though Mom can’t see me. My eyes burn.

I think about Molly. About how much I’ve missed her. How much I need her. How empty my life has felt since she left. I think about how good she makes me feel and how I want to be there for her. Always. “Yeah,” I rasp out. “She’s worth it. I can do it.”

“Good.” Mom pauses. “Jax. Your dad and I didn’t want to talk to you about what happened in our marriage, because we didn’t want to point fingers at each other. But part of the problem was not talking to each other about how we were feeling.”

I remember sitting on the deck in Catalina with Dad. I wasn’t great at talking about my feelings, he’d said.

No shit. I guess that’s where I get it from.

“He said it wasn’t your fault.”

Mom laughs softly. “That’s admirable of him to say that. Maybe he’s learned something. But the truth is, I wasn’t good either at expressing what I needed from him. I thought he should know. I let the resentment build. Don’t be like that.”

I frown. “Resentment?”

“Not that specifically, just whatever you’re feeling. Tell Molly. Tell someone , but especially Molly. I wish you’d told your dad and me how you were feeling.”

Another memory of that conversation with dad. Because I’d blamed him for cheating on Mom, never asked him about it, never told either of them how much it wrecked me that they split up. What a lot of wasted years.

Wasted years between Dad and me. Wasted years between him and his own father. Wasted years between Dad and Mom, too, I guess.

I don’t want that for me and Molly. I don’t want to regret not being brave enough to tell her how I feel. About everything. Ever.

Yeah, she’s worth it. She’s all that I want in the world.

Molly

I can’t dash out the door the minute Travis and Erin get home, much as I want to. I dutifully wait to admire the gifts they brought the boys, listen to all the things they did in New York, then make my escape.

As soon as I’m home, I text Jax to let him know.

My apartment is a disaster, since I was staying at Travis and Erin’s place the last few days. I left dishes in the sink, clothes piled on the chair in my bedroom, and a basket of laundry in the hall. I have more laundry to add to it now, and I need to get ready for work tomorrow.

I start in the kitchen, frantically loading the dishwasher and scrubbing a pot that’s been soaking for days.

Gross. I scrub out the sink and wipe down the counters, then pick up the laundry basket and carry it into the bedroom.

I manically sort through the clothes on the chair, tossing some into the laundry basket, others onto the bed to be hung up.

Do I have something to wear to work tomorrow?

I find an outfit and swiftly hang the rest in my closet.

And never mind my apartment; I look like a wreck. I’m still in my Aces T-shirt and jeans. I felt hot when I was cleaning the kitchen, so I scooped my hair up into a ponytail without even looking in a mirror. My hands smell like bleach cleaner. Ugh. I run to the bathroom to get cleaned up.

I’m still rubbing my favorite pink grapefruit lotion into my hands when the apartment buzzer sounds. I let Jax in and pace until he knocks at the door. My apartment is on the second floor so that doesn’t take long.

My heart hammers in my throat when I open the door. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

His smile is so, so gorgeous. I’ve missed it so much.

“Come in.” My hands are shaking as I close the door.

He walks into my living room. My apartment is old, in a three-story brownstone, but I like it.

“Nice,” he says, taking in the old hardwood floors, the bay window overlooking the street, the wide, white-painted baseboard and door trim.

“Thanks.” I’m dying. “Would you like something to drink?”

“Uh. No. I’m good.”

I move past him and take a seat on the couch that sits in front of the bay windows. “Have a seat.”

He sits next to me, but with a bit of distance between us. He’s holding a small cardboard box in his hand that I only now notice.

“What’s that?”

He looks down. “It’s a trivia game.”

I tilt my head, a smile tugging my lips. “Seriously? You want to play trivia?”

“Yeah.” He meets my eyes and his are glinting. He sets the box on my coffee table and opens it.

I can’t believe this. I’m about to have a stroke, and he wants to play trivia.

He picks up a card. “Okay. What arouses men more than any other scent in the world? Your choices are: a. lavender; b. lilies; c. woodsmoke; d. beer.”

I choke on a laugh. “The scent of beer is arousing?”

He grins. “Is that your answer?”

“No, I’ll say lavender.”

“Correct.”

He sets the card down, picks up another and hands it to me. “Your turn.”

“Wait. How does this game work?”

“Just follow along.”

Smiling, I say, “Okay.” I read the card. “What arouses Jax more than any other scent in the world?” I blink and look up at him. “You?”

“Yes.”