Page 36 of Game Changer (Wynn Hockey #5)

Molly

I’ve moved back into my apartment. My parents helped out with the move and also bought me a new couch because my old one was atrocious and I trashed it when I moved in with Steve.

I’ve picked up more stuff from Steve’s place and made a few trips to IKEA for things, and I’m happy with how it all looks.

I messaged Steve and told him we can talk when he gets back to town.

I haven’t heard from him since the trip to Europe, so I guess he’s accepted that we’re done, after the flurry of frantic and pissed-off messages and voice mails.

I’ve come across a few Instagram posts from his trip home, but he’s not on social media much.

Now he’s back and we’re going to meet for lunch.

I was so angry at him when I found out he was cheating. I was heartbroken. I was also dreading talking to him because I knew it was going to hurt. Now…eh. We have to do it, but I’m so far past it at this point, I barely care.

I do question how much I really loved him, if I got over him that quickly.

Maybe it was for the best that I found out he was cheating.

Especially that I found out before the wedding.

I found a meme on Instagram that says not all storms come to disrupt your life; some come to clear your path.

So I’m staying positive and considering this event to be a good thing in my life.

I don’t know what my future will be, but I know I’ll be okay.

Even if I am really sad that spending so much time with an amazing man and coming to care for him all happened with the wrong guy at the wrong time.

If only Jax didn’t play hockey with Steve.

If only I hadn’t just jilted my fiancé. Because I’ve come to realize that Jax was my rebound.

Brielle was right—the first guy I care about after my engagement ended is not going to be my next long-term relationship. It just doesn’t work like that.

I walk into the Good Egg, a little diner not too far from my apartment in Andersonville. They serve breakfast and lunch.

Steve is already there, seated in a booth along the wall.

Regret settles in my stomach like a lump. This is all so sad.

I make my way over. It’s awkward. He stands. Neither of us know whether to shake hands or hug or punch each other. So I slide into the booth opposite him without doing any of those.

“You look great,” Steve says, taking his seat again. “All tanned and relaxed.”

“You sound surprised. Did you think I was pining away for you?”

His face flushes. “No.”

I sigh. “I don’t know where to start.”

“Neither do I.” He picks up his mug of coffee. “This is fucking weird.”

“I know.”

A waitress arrives with a pot of coffee. I nod and she fills my cup then asks if we’re ready to order. I glance quickly at the menu. I’ve been here before, and I love their eggs bennie—the one with smoked salmon and avocado. So I order that. Steve gets a chicken Santa Fe wrap.

I pull the small box out of my purse and push it across the table to him. “Here’s your ring back.”

He stares at it. “I don’t want it back.”

“Take it. You paid for it.”

He shakes his head and the box sits untouched between us.

“I don’t want it, Steve,” I say quietly. “I don’t even want the money I could get if I sold it. I know there are some wedding things you can’t get your money back on and I can’t afford to pay you back for all of them, but you can use that to pay for some.”

He sighs and pockets it.

“Katelyn says all the wedding gifts were returned.”

“I guess.”

He doesn’t even care.

I curl my hands around my coffee cup and meet his eyes. “Why? Why did you do that?”

“I don’t know.” He shoves a hand into his blond hair and looks away. “I really don’t know.”

“The things you said about me…to that woman…that really hurt.”

“I’m sorry.” He meets my eyes, and I see genuine remorse there.

I swallow. “Well, thanks for that.” I pause. “Was she the only woman you cheated on me with?” I watch his response.

“Yes.”

“Really? Because Brielle said you came onto her once.”

His eyes widen. “What? I did not.”

I tilt my head. Hold his gaze. Say nothing.

“I might have flirted a little,” he says. “But it didn’t mean anything.”

I nod sadly. “And Claire? Who is she? Are you still together?”

His lips tighten and his throat works. “Yeah.”

I nod again. I guess I’m not surprised. It hurts. But not as much as I might have thought. “What were you thinking?” I shake my head. “We were getting married. What were you thinking ?”

“I wasn’t thinking, okay?” He rolls his eyes. “I don’t know. I guess I was freaking out about getting married or something.”

“Oh my God.” I pull in a long breath through my nose. “Do you love her?”

He lifts one shoulder. “I don’t know.”

Poor Claire.

“Did you take her to Europe?”

“Wait. Where the hell were you all summer? Where did you disappear to?”

“That’s not an answer.” Damn deflection. Nice try, though.

“Fine, yeah, I did. Why not? You were gone and clearly didn’t want to go. I paid for the trip.”

It makes me so, so sad that I wanted to marry this man. He’s not a bad man…okay, cheating isn’t exactly honorable, but he’s not mean or abusive. But he’s not…

He’s not Jax.

I bow my head briefly.

“Was it her who sent me those screen shots?” I ask. “I’ve been wondering.”

He shifts in his chair. “I asked her and she said it wasn’t.”

“Who else could it have been?”

“I don’t know.” He looks away. “I changed the password on my phone.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “If she did that…” I stop. “Whatever. It’s your problem.”

“So where were you hiding out?” he asks, changing the subject. “I know you weren’t with Grace or your other friends.”

“No. It doesn’t matter who I was with or where I was. I just wanted to get away from Chicago for a while.”

Our lunches arrive and we stop talking for a few minutes.

Waiting for the waitress to refill our cups and leave, I pick up my knife and fork. When she’s gone, I ask, “Why wasn’t I enough for you?”

I hate asking this. It’s the question I asked myself over and over again since the day I found out he cheated on me. I hate sounding so pathetic, but I still want to know.

He shakes his head. “Molly.”

“No, really. I want to know.”

“It’s not that. Look, I haven’t been in that many relationships. I didn’t think it was that big a deal.”

I blink. I still haven’t cut into my eggs bennie. “What? Not that big a deal? Cheating?”

“You went out with other guys all the time.”

My eyes fly open and my fork clatters to the table. “What? I did not!”

“Well, you went out with Jax. All those trivia nights. You’re saying nothing ever happened between you two? Or other guys you met?”

My jaw hangs loosely. “Are you kidding me?”

He waits.

“Nothing ever happened! I never cheated on you. That’s crazy. Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugs and doesn’t meet my eyes. “Like I said, I kind of thought maybe fidelity was…flexible.”

“Oh my God.” I didn’t think it was a problem going out with a friend; I certainly didn’t believe that fidelity was flexible.

I’m trying to understand, but it’s hard for me.

Cheating is a hard limit for me. Isn’t it for most people?

Maybe not. “You should have told me,” I whisper. “If only you’d told me.”

“Yeah. I guess I should have. I don’t think I’m, uh, mature enough for marriage.”

Clearly not.

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I still don’t understand why I did it.

I wanted something…” He pauses. “I don’t even know what I wanted.

But it wasn’t about you, Molly.” His tone is softer.

“I don’t want you to think that. It was never about you.

It was me, going through some stuff, looking for something. ”

Huh. I appreciate him saying it. But the thing is…

I already know that. I figured it out for myself, maybe sometime while I was lying around the pool in California, or while I was pretending that everything was fine while I raged inside.

Or while Jax was looking at me like I was precious, laughing at my jokes, and taking care of me like I mattered.

This whole experience may have kicked my confidence in the teeth, but in the end… I’m okay. I’m really okay.

“I wish you’d talked to me.” I try to eat some of my lunch, but once again I’ve lost my appetite.

“I’m sorry.”

“You were pissed about the wedding.”

He frowns. “Yeah. Jesus, Molly. That was humiliating.”

“You deserved it,” I say calmly.

He makes a rough noise and I don’t know if he’s disgusted or agreeing with me. Or both.

I ask how his parents are doing. We talk about what he did at home, and how he’s been skating with some of the guys who are back in town.

“Who’s here?” I ask casually.

“Well, Duper and Army, of course. Jax, Bomber, Benny.”

I nod. I feel a piercing little pain in my heart. Jax is in town. I haven’t heard from him since I left the lake. Even though I texted him when I was back in Chicago to let him know I made it safe and sound.

Steve insists on paying for lunch. Maybe he has a guilty conscience. Even though he thought fidelity was “flexible.” Jesus.

We part outside the diner on the sidewalk. It’s a sultry mid-August day, overcast, hot and windy. I eye Steve uncertainly. “Well. Thanks for lunch.”

“You’re welcome. Molly.” He opens his arms for a hug.

I move into them. It feels…okay. Like hugging a friend. I don’t get that close, and then I step back. “Bye.”

His mouth tips down at the corners. “I really blew it with you.”

“I don’t think it was meant to be. For us.”

“No?” He eyes me, then nods. “Maybe so.”

Well, it would have been gratifying if he’d been all broken up and fell down on his knees and groveled for me to take him back. But I guess it’s good that we’re on the same page and again, another sign that things worked out for the best.