Page 46 of From Notting Hill with Love…Actually (Actually #1)

“My only escape back then was going to the cinema. The funny thing is your dad and I actually met in a cinema; we used to love going to the pictures together. But when all this happened your dad changed—he wouldn’t go with me anymore, even when we could get a babysitter.

He said it was filling my head with all sorts of nonsense, and it was the films that were making me unhappy, not anything else.

He said they were giving me unrealistic expectations of how life should be. ”

This sounded a familiar tale too.

“One day it all came to a head. I’d snuck off to the cinema to see an afternoon matinee while your father was at work. Unfortunately, he came home early that day and found you with one of our neighbors. He went mad when I came in. He said I was neglecting you and I wasn’t fit to be your mother.”

Rose paused as she took another deep breath. This obviously wasn’t an easy story for her to tell. “He told me that if I thought life was so much better in the films I wanted to go and watch so badly, then perhaps I should go out and try to live my life in some of them.”

I sucked in my own breath now. No…Dad would never say that, would he?

“Then he seemed to calm down a bit. He suggested I go away for a while to clear my head and think about what I really wanted from my life. I think he thought some time away would get all the—well, he called it nonsense—out of my system once and for all.”

“And did it?” I asked, already knowing the answer to my question.

“I think you already know the answer to that, Scarlett.”

“But how could you just abandon me like that? I was a baby, for goodness’ sake!” I knew I was being slightly hypocritical about this, considering my own current situation. But it was different. I’d only left David behind in Stratford—she’d left Dad and a six-month-old baby.

“I didn’t want to at first. I thought your father meant for me to take you as well, but he insisted that you remain with him. He loved you so much I knew he couldn’t bear the thought of losing you. Plus, I think he saw you as a sort of security that I’d return home again.”

“But you never did?”

“No, I never did. But you have to believe me, Scarlett, at the time I didn’t think it would be forever.

I just saw it as a break from you both—time to get my head around everything.

Like I said before, I wasn’t thinking straight.

I honestly thought I would return a better person and a better mother. ”

“So what happened, then?” I asked, unmoved by her excuses. “What was so wonderful that made you forget all about us?”

“I never forgot you, Scarlett. Never.”

I just stared at her, waiting for an answer.

“I met someone else,” she said quietly.

“Is that it?” I exploded, leaping to my feet. “You met someone else! You left your family behind forever because you got chatted up by some guy in a bar!”

“No, it wasn’t like that, Scarlett. Please sit down, will you?” Rose held her hand out and gestured to the settee. “I am trying to explain.”

Sullenly I sat back down.

“You did say you wanted to know everything,” Rose prompted gently.

“Go on then,” I said, folding my arms in front of my chest and leaning back against the cushions. “Explain away.”

Rose took a sip of her coffee before continuing, as if a small delay in proceedings might allow me to calm down.

“I met this man,” she began again, “not in a bar, but at the cinema, strangely enough. He was there on his own, and so was I. He was so different from your father—the complete opposite, in fact.” Rose became lost in her memories as she spoke.

“Nothing happened at first; we were just friends. But then it became obvious we both wanted more from the relationship, and the inevitable happened.”

I didn’t like this. It was all far too close to home.

“He lived abroad—France, to be exact, on the south coast. He asked me to go back there and live with him, and I agreed. He just seemed like my perfect soulmate…” Rose re-emerged from her reverie.

“Scarlett, you must know that feeling when you meet someone special? You feel wonderful when you’re in their company.

Then when the two of you are apart, you both feel miserable and alone.

After a while these feelings become so intense you simply can’t imagine your life without the other person being a part of it. ”

I knew just how that felt.

“So I took the coward’s way out. I left the country without anyone knowing I’d gone.”

“And me and Dad? What of us?” I demanded, feeling myself tense up again.

“I wrote your father a letter a few weeks later, telling him where I was and what I was doing. I also told him that I’d be coming back to get you once I was settled in France with Jacques.”

“But…”

“I know—I never came back. Not immediately, anyway. It was six months later when I returned to England again. Jacques had ditched me for another woman—that was my first experience of being dumped for a younger model. I tried to make ends meet in France, but I could hardly speak the language and so my job prospects were limited. I had to come home again. I took bar work for a while, a trade that’s seen me through many lean times since, I can tell you.

But the hours weren’t suitable for looking after a young baby, so I promised myself that once I’d got my life sorted, I’d call around and see you and Tom again.

I didn’t expect him to take me back or anything, but I was desperate to see you.

And I knew if I had a good job and a nice place to live, there might be a chance I could regain custody of you again, or at least see you on a regular basis. ”

“So, what happened?”

“I never got myself sorted. Well, I did, but that was only through a man again. Another rich one—this time he lived in London. Scarlett, I was living in a horrible little bedsit at the time. I saw a way out, and I took it. ”

“But at the expense of your family,” I said without feeling.

Rose nodded sadly. “None of these men were interested in having children around—let alone one that wasn’t their own. So by the time that relationship had gone down the pan—like all the others did eventually—you would have been about two years old.”

“We moved when I was two, to Stratford.”

“Oh, is that where he took you? I did try to find out where you’d gone, but no one would tell me. Tom’s family just clammed up when I tried to get in touch. I can’t say I blame them, really.”

I didn’t comment on this.

“So that was it, end of the line—I had no choice but to get on with my own life then. But you have to believe me: I never wanted any of it to happen that way. I never wanted to abandon you. I always thought I’d be able to come back for you.

And you have to know, Scarlett, I’ve always thought about you and wondered how you were doing—especially on your birthday. ”

“Which is?” I asked, testing her.

“The 19th of March, of course.”

She was right. I stood up and aimlessly wandered about the room. I couldn’t get my head around all this.

This evening I’d not only met my estranged mother in the orchestra pit of a cinema, but I’d found out exactly why she had abandoned me almost twenty-three and a half years ago.

And the even crazier thing was it had happened for almost the same reason my father had encouraged my fiancé to allow me to go and do for a month.

Why would he risk the same thing happening again ?

“I know all this must be a bit of a shock to you, Scarlett,” Rose said, standing up. She walked over to me. “Believe me, it’s been quite a shocker for me tonight, meeting you again.”

I thought for one awful moment she was going to try and hug me, so I rapidly backed away from her.

“I…I just need to think about everything for a bit, Rose…I mean Mu…I mean…”

“It’s OK, Scarlett. I understand, of course you do. Perhaps you’d like me to go now.”

I nodded.

Rose picked up a pad that was lying on the table. “Do you have a pen? I’ll jot my number down for you. Perhaps you’d like to call me sometime, when you’ve had a chance to think about everything.”

“Erm, there’s one in the hall, I think.”

Rose found the pen and returned to the room to write her telephone number down. Then she laid the pad and pen on the coffee table in front of me. “That’s both my home and mobile numbers. Call me any time if you want to talk some more.”

I nodded again.

Rose picked up her bag and coat. “Well, good-bye, Scarlett. I do hope I’ll hear from you soon.”

“Yes…bye then…er…”

“It’s OK—I don’t mind you calling me Rose. I used to be Rosie, of course, but I think Rose suits me better now. Rosie was the person I used to be, not the person I am now.”

“Yes, good-bye…Rose,” I said, still not able to face her properly. My head was spinning. I just couldn’t deal with all this right now .

Rose gave me one last look and then smiled again before walking out of the lounge and into the hall. I heard her heels clipping across the tiled floor and the click of the front door as it shut behind her.

The strange thing was that that was exactly the same noise my shoes had made earlier when they walked across the floor of the hall.

And the reason it was the same noise?

I just realized Rose was wearing exactly the same pair of shoes as me.