Page 44 of Friends with Benefits

“How are they?”

My brain ground slowly as I tried to remember how to string words together. “Honestly, they were mostly fine after I found them. They thought it was like hide-and-seek, I think. They were more upset that I was so upset.”

“Scared the shit out of you, huh?” His hand rubbed up and down my back. The tension that had filled me while I had been thinking of losing the twins melted away.

“Totally. But it made me think…what if I’m not ready for this? I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”

“I’ve never known anyone more ready. You’re incredible, and you don’t even see it. I think you can handle anything.”

He sounded so sure of himself. Of me. “I wish I had that much confidence in myself.”

“I’d be worried if you weren’t more concerned. It’s a big deal, I won’t deny that. But I think you’re doing a better job than you give yourself credit for.”

“Thanks.”

“Is that what you wanted to talk to me about, angel?”

“Basically.”

“Let me guess. You wanted to punish yourself for making a mistake. A mistake most all parents make at one time or another. You thought you didn’t deserve something good in your life as a result.”

That couldn’t be right. He was making it sound like I was some sort of martyr.

But I wasn’t, was I?

“I’ve been watching you—in a non-creepy way, I promise—for as long as we’ve been friends. You always put other people before yourself. Your friends. Chris. The girls. Your parents. It’s admirable, don’t get me wrong. But you also deserve to pursue your own happiness, too. That’s all I’m saying. So, I guess the question is, what makes you happy?”

There was a long, tense silence as his words echoed throughout the room.

When I didn’t answer, he said, “If I’m one of the things that makes you happy, Em, for once in your life, be selfish.” He continued after a breathless pause, “Do you want me to beg?”

Tripp Wilder.

Begging.

For me.

Was this real life?

I imagined it for a moment, him kneeling in front of me. The image wasn’t completely unbearable. But I’d never make him do that. “No, I don’t want you to beg. And you shouldn’t have to keep having these talks with me.”

“What are friends for? Besides, everyone needs a shoulder every now and then. Even you.”

“Especially me, these days.”

“You aren’t infallible, Ember.”

“You are,” I said, finally lifting my eyes to meet his. “You always seem to have an answer.” I squinted my eyes in false accusation. “The right answer. Are you a mind reader? In all seriousness, thank you for being so understanding.”

“Listening and communicating are parts of the rules,” he said sagely, crawling over me like a cat, all lazy and utterly confident, the ruler of me, if not everything else. His knee nudged mine open, and in one fluid movement, he was on top of me, settled between my legs like he belonged there.

And maybe he did?

That was almost as frightening as my parents abandoning us. What if Tripp wanted to be there for me? Maybe that’s why I never let him.

Pushing the thought away, I said, “I don’t remember the listening part. You should remind me.” My hands lifted to his muscled shoulders, stroked over them, then pulled him fully over me. There was nothing as delicious as his weight pressing me into the bed.

He kissed me leisurely until my head began to swim. “Then we’ll have to add it to the rules.”