Page 76 of Frankie and the Fed

“Yes, I want! It’s not a waste if I’m with the one I love.” My voice rises. “I never had a serious relationship before you. I didn’t think I would ever have one.”

“You didn’t think you would, but now you know what it’s like. You can fall in love again. You can have it with someone else. Someone who is less broken than me. Someone who will give you what you want.”

“I don’t want anyone else,” I mumble and run a hand through my hair. How do I explain this to her?

“There’s something I didn’t tell you,” she says in a quiet voice.

Her expression concerns me.

“I lost our child.”

I feel like someone has punched me in the chest. What did she say? I get up and pace away from her. “What?”

“I was pregnant when Michael kidnapped me,” she says with a lowered head. “I didn’t know until they told me at the hospital after I lost the baby.”

“You were pregnant? From me? How?”

“Probably from the time we had sex without a condom.”

“But I bought you the pill. I saw you take it.”

“It doesn’t always work, as it turns out.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you were pregnant?”

“I didn’t know. And then, when I called you, you told me it was over and not to call again. I didn’t think there was anything to talk about after that.”

Fuck. I messed up in so many ways. “Was the miscarriage because of what happened?”

She nods. “The beatings caused a placental separation, the doctor said And they don’t think I’ll be able to get pregnant again because of the trauma to my uterus.” Tears stream down her cheeks. “I can never give you children.”

I rub my face with my hands. I could have had a baby, and now I never will? “Maya also had a miscarriage. And look at her now. She has a child.”

“Maya didn’t get kicked in the stomach over and over and repeatedly raped,” Ayala says in a weak voice. “My body is broken.”

I close my eyes. I can’t imagine my life without her. It’s not an option. “Can’t you see I’m broken, too? I never thought I’d have someone to love before I met you. Someone who loved me. You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted. I love you and your sharp broken corners. I need nothing else if I have you.”

She sniffles. “You compromise too much for me.”

“I don’t compromise on anything. You’re everything I need.”

She stands and comes to me. “I don’t want you to regret this decision in a few years.”

“I won’t regret a single day I have with you.” I pull her to me, and our lips connect for a kiss.

CHAPTER31

Ethan

Ihad no intention of going to my parents’ house for the New Year’s party. No intention whatsoever. But they sent an invitation, just like they do every year, and Ayala decided we should go. And so, here I am, in their house, greeting the guests. This time at least, I have Ayala to back me up.

I hold on to her like a lifeline every time my parents try to talk to me privately. They won’t dare confront me in public, and I won’t give them the opportunity to find me alone.

The rest of the guests stream in, most of them family members and some of them friends, reaching out to me from time to time to say hello. I like most of them, and we chat briefly.

Ayala tugs on my arm as she sees Olive and her parents come through the door. What are they doing here? Ah. I always forget that I met Olive through my mother, and our parents are friends. I go with her to the door to greet them and join Olive.

“Ayala.” Olive hugs her when she sees us. How did it happen that I became second place? “Ethan, I didn’t expect you’d be here.”