Page 32 of Framed and Forgotten (Ashen Wolves #3)
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A V R I L
What the fuck just happened?
When I made the decision to come see Koen, all I wanted was an answer. While I was aware his response could change the way I perceived him, never in a million years had I expected this outcome. I’d made up my mind. I was determined to stay away from him. So why couldn’t I?
It was as though this male, the man I’d sworn never to fall for again, understood me better than I understood myself.
He knew exactly which buttons to push to shut off my rationality, and when instinct came forth, all I could feel was a limitless, unhinged desire.
Like a primal need, it hit so hard, so fast, the whole thing blurred. I was lost to the mating haze.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt this - at the mercy of someone else - but then again, maybe that was the issue.
Despite Elijah’s warning, I hadn’t given it much thought.
Not until now. Not until I experienced exactly what he’d meant.
There seemed to be a whole other part of me I hadn’t even known existed buried within me.
Memory or not, Koen had dragged it to the surface.
And now I was questioning everything I thought I knew.
My mind was a wreck as I stared out the window, hands clenched too tightly around the sill as I desperately fought to ground myself.
Even my wolf, always so sure, was faltering.
Her toughness cracked as she ached for the mate we’d forgotten, still somehow, impossibly, able to feel his essence beneath our skin.
Was any of this even real? I could barely wrap my head around it. If it weren’t for the blood - Koen’s blood - crusted beneath my nails, evidence of how wildly I craved him, I might’ve managed to convince myself it had all been just a dirty fantasy.
What should I do? How could I handle this? If only I could remember the full story…
“Argh!” My head jerked painfully as the headache struck again, preventing me from searching below the surface.
In an instant, Koen’s arms were around my stomach, making me shudder. His bare chest pressed against my back, radiating heat, encouraging me to melt under him. What was this insane effect he had on me? I didn’t dare try to comprehend.
Tenderly, he pressed a kiss to the back of my head.
“Don’t try to understand it,” he advised, though it sounded more like a plea - as if he couldn’t stand seeing me in pain.
Subsequently, he buried his nose into my hair, sending pleasant shivers down my body as he brushed the nape of my neck. “Just feel it.”
At first, I listened as if his words were a command, hypnotized by him. I let my shoulders slump as my head tilted backward, longing for more of his touch. Then, I stopped myself, stiffening as I hung onto my very last drop of rationality.
“How?” I uttered, my voice laced with doubt. “How can I give in to something I don’t understand?”
I shifted in his arms, slowly turning to face him. As my eyes met his, I asked, “How do I know I can trust you?”
Something changed in his expression. Shame. He knew he had failed me, not once, but twice. And his remorse was palpable.
“I don’t expect you to. Not until I can earn back your trust,” he offered, his voice tinged with regret. With a sigh, he added, “I broke it. It’s my burden to fix.”
Releasing another sigh, he let his hands slide down my sides until they met mine.
His fingers interlaced with mine - a gesture so natural, it felt destined.
Without breaking eye contact, he lifted our hands, adjusting his hold before bringing them to his lips and placing a gentle kiss on my knuckles.
“For now, if you can only let me show you, Avril…” he begged. “How madly I love you. How badly I want to make this right.”
I was thoughtful for a moment. All the while, he stared at me with expectation. As if his very life lay in my hands.
My heart skipped a beat, and I reluctantly granted, “Say I agree to this…” A spark immediately glistened in his eyes, and I pretended not to notice Kea wagging her tail. “What do you propose?”
“Unfortunately, I don’t think I can make you remember…
No matter how vehemently I wish I could,” he whispered the last part, his voice weak, laden with a sense of powerlessness.
It only lasted an instant though, determination brightening up his expression immediately after.
“But if you let me, I’ll gladly make new memories with you.
And, in time, I hope you will see me as worthy of being by your side.
Or at your feet,” he breathed, his words thick with desperation. “As long as I’m near you, it’s enough.”
His vulnerability shook something deep within me. I didn’t have it in me to deny it. I felt my resolve crack, piece by piece, until there was nothing left to hold me back.
“Okay.”
After I decided to give Koen a chance - if only so I could try and figure out why I couldn’t stay away from him - he insisted on taking me to the waterfall on the outskirts of Azure Smoke.
It was late at night, but I doubted I’d be able to sleep anyway.
In no rush, we changed into fresh clothes and headed off.
Koen was silent for most of the way. He didn’t try to touch me either, which I appreciated.
Our future was uncertain, and after how overwhelming every second of his return had been, I relished the brief respite from the constant overstimulation.
As we strode through the woods, I didn’t have to think, simply enjoying his proximity at a comfortable distance.
However, when we made it to our destination, I couldn’t help voicing the question that had been at the back of my mind. “Why the waterfall?”
Koen winced, as if it hurt him that I had no memory of what this place meant to us. Still, he pushed through the pain, forcing a smile. “We used to come here a lot.” He paused, taking in the cascading waters before flashing a quick glance at me. “It’s also where I marked you.”
Kea’s ears perked at his casual revelation, and I felt my heart soar.
Instinctively, I lifted my fingers to the base of my neck, only to confirm what I already knew - there was nothing there.
Touching the spot where everyone claimed he’d laid his mark on me, I couldn’t feel anything at all. Strangely, it made me feel incomplete.
I brushed off the eerie feeling, hoping Koen hadn’t noticed my reaction as I followed him down to the rocks by the edge of the water.
We sat in silence, the quiet stretching between us as we just existed in each other’s company.
For a while, I tried to find meaning in the place, but when that failed, I turned to him.
His troubled expression spoke volumes, and I couldn’t shake the feeling it was meant for more than just me.
“You’re worried,” I pointed out, breaking the silence. As he turned to me, he was confused for a second. “Not just about us,” I observed. “What else is on your mind?”
I didn’t really know why I cared.
But I did.
A half smile played on his lips. “Are you sure you can’t feel what I’m feeling?”
“It’s just written all over your face.” I shrugged, only realizing how cruel my answer sounded after I’d said it.
Koen let out a pained chuckle. “Fair enough. I don’t tend to hide how I feel when I’m around you.”
After a moment, he continued, “I’m worried because I have to go back to Crystal Pond.”
“What?” I wheezed, apprehensive at the idea despite my inability to understand why it bothered me so much.
“There are answers I have yet to find there,” he clarified.
“I can’t help this feeling that I was more than just Nerine’s obsession.
A pawn in her game.” He made a brief pause, organizing his thoughts.
“A game that might involve other players. People who could threaten us.” His gaze shifted suddenly to me, sharp and piercing, darkening protectively. “Threaten you .”
The raw, animalistic edge in his voice sent shivers racing across my skin. He spoke as though I were his most treasured possession, the very purpose of his existence. Normally, such an assumption would leave me unfazed, but from him, it struck me with an unexpected force.
Swallowing the emotions I couldn’t quite understand, I tried not to sound preoccupied as I asked, “If you do go back, can you be sure you’ll be safe there on your own?”
“No.” He averted his gaze, turning it toward the waterfall - not to admire it, but to withdraw into himself. “It doesn’t matter either way, as long as I can protect you and our family.”
I wasn’t sure I was comfortable with his perspective, but for now, I chose not to argue.