Page 30

PATRICK

My dearest Patrick,

I am writing you this letter from the far reaches of New York City. Life here is not what I expected. There are no horses and buggies or shootouts. I haven’t had a single drop of laudanum, and not a single male has proposed to me after spending two minutes in my company.

Believe it or not, after you left, Jeanie did not believe that I jumped out of a plane or that I encountered a bear.

Oddly enough, the plane crash was never reported.

I searched everywhere! No wonder she doesn’t believe me.

Now she thinks I just left her shoes in some random spot and didn’t care enough to get them.

Any chance you could write an official letter explaining all this to her?

How’s the leg healing? Crap, I’m a terrible friend and probably should have opened with that. Let’s start over. Hey, gimp! How’s the leg? Have any bears tried to eat you yet? There. I feel better.

Anyway, I’ll be staying at Jeanie’s for the foreseeable future. If you would like to write a letter back to me and let me know how you’re doing, I would appreciate it.

Sincerely,

The bear tamer

I chuckled at her letter and carefully folded it, tucking it in my pocket just as Chase walked into my house like he owned the place. God forbid anyone knock.

“What’s that look for?”

“Nothing. Just a letter from Piper.”

His eyebrows flew up in surprise. “A letter? I had no idea you were keeping in touch.” He walked over to the fridge and snagged a beer, then sat down in my chair.

“What are you doing?”

He glanced around, then back at me. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Sitting in my chair and drinking my beer. But I don’t know why you would do that. You’re not the one with the gimp leg.”

“I thought you would want the couch.”

“Why would I want the couch when my chair is a recliner?”

“Because on a couch, you don’t have to worry about putting the feet part up.”

“Like it’s that hard?”

“Yeah, it is fucking hard when you only have one leg,” he snapped.

I grabbed him by the back of the neck and hauled him out of my chair, taking his place. Then I popped up the footrest and glared at him. “Yeah, that was really hard.”

“Of course it’s not hard to put it up. Try pushing it down now.”

I had no desire to argue with him, but just for the heck of it, I used my left leg to push it down. “Ooh, you’re right. That was really fucking hard. I don’t know how I’ll handle sitting in a chair anymore.”

“Whatever. I was just looking out for you.”

“Go look out for someone else. I’m perfectly fine on my own.”

He suddenly looked away from me, interested in some spot on the wall. “You know, speaking of…people to look out for you…”

“Chase, what did you do?”

“Me? I didn’t do anything. This is really all on you.”

“What’s on me?”

“Well, see…the thing is, when the hospital called, they wanted a next of kin…”

I swallowed hard as I saw where he was going with this. “You didn’t.”

“No! Hell, no, I didn’t. But they didn’t call me. They called Lock.”

“Fucking hell!” I shouted, jumping up and nearly falling over without my crutches to support me. “Why the fuck would he do that?”

“I don’t know! I wasn’t there!”

I looked around in panic. This was my oasis, my sanctuary. There was no way I could have my mom here. She would kill the vibe. “You have to make her leave.”

“Leave? She hasn’t even gotten in yet! I mean, in another twenty minutes?—”

“That’s all I have? Twenty minutes?” I shoved my fingers through my hair and tried hopping into the kitchen. There was no way she could be here. I had things—man things around the house that she didn’t need to find.

“You have to help me. If she comes in here?—”

“She won’t see anything,” Chase snorted. “You have literally nothing around here.”

“I have porn!” I shouted, my throat closing in panic. “My mom cannot know that I have a porn collection!”

“Dude,” Chase laughed, looking around the house as if he could see it. “Where is it?”

“All over the fucking place! I have it on the TV! My sheets aren’t clean. I have dirty magazines in the bathroom!”

The panic was getting to me. I was hot and cold, sweating and freezing at the same time. And worse, I knew the look I’d see on my mom’s face when she found my stash. I just hoped she wasn’t wearing her cross. The last thing I needed was another lecture on premarital sex.

“Alright, alright. Calm down,” Chase said soothingly. “We’ll work this out. Just tell me where everything is and I’ll collect it.”

I nodded, glad for the solution. “Okay, uh…in the kitchen drawer.”

His eyes widened slightly, but he walked over and opened the drawers until he found the stash. “Odd place for it, but who am I to judge?”

“Hey, sometimes when I’m cooking, I like to entertain myself.”

He grimaced, shoving the magazines to the corner of the counter. “Remind me to never eat anything you cook.”

“Whatever. Just shove those in a bag.”

He walked over to the pantry and pulled out a grocery bag, to which I laughed at. “Dude, you’re gonna need a bigger bag than that.

“You know, I’m going to need compensation for this. I just want you to know I feel extremely dirty right now.”

“And I will be glad to toss a twenty your way when this is over.”

“Fine,” he grumbled, pulling out a garbage bag. “What’s next?”

“Uh…my chair.” I bent over, balancing on the arm of the chair as I reached into the side pocket and pulled out my stash. When I dropped them in the bag, Chase was grimacing at me.

“I sat in that chair.”

“Relax, it’s not like I just jizzed in it before you sat down.”

“Still…” He shuddered in disgust, then continued through the house as I pointed out all my hiding spots.

“Seriously? In the downstairs bathroom?”

“Like I’m not allowed to rub one out when I’m downstairs?” I snapped. “Is there some law against having a good time in my own home?”

“In public spaces? Yes! Do that shit where no one else has to be party to it!”

“We’re getting there. Keep your panties on.”

I hobbled up the stairs after him, but he got tired of waiting and ran ahead of me. I struggled on the damn steps, cursing him that he couldn’t even lend me a fucking hand. I was only crippled, after all.

“What am I looking for?”

I chuckled at that. What wasn’t he looking for? “I have a few DVDs that need to be taken care of!” I shouted. The climb was taking forever. I needed a fucking ramp or something so I didn’t have to keep up with this shit.

“What the fuck is this?” His voice echoed through the house, followed by low moans of the last movie I watched.

Not that it was a good video. In fact, it was freaky as hell and I immediately shut it off.

I just forgot to remove it from the DVD player.

I had other things on my mind, like freaking the fuck out that I had somehow picked up a porno that featured some nasty shit.

I couldn’t have moved from the bed if I wanted to.

“Why the fuck is she wearing a cowbell? Dude, do not tell me you’re into bestiality!”

I was about halfway up the stairs, but I had to take a break. I was fucking exhausted. “I am not into bestiality!”

“Then why the fuck is he riding her like a horse?”

I heard the front door open and my mom’s voice as she entered. “Patti?”

Panic swept over me and I started to hobble down the stairs to stop her from coming any further. “Oh shit. Hold on, Mom!”

“This is fucking disgusting!” Chase continued. “You actually jack off to this shit?”

“Chase!” I shouted, trying to get him to shut up. In an instant, I changed direction and started hopping up the stairs, but my cast snagged on the wood and I went down hard, groaning as my leg slammed into the edge.

“Patti? Are you okay?”

My mother came into my line of sight just as Chase walked to the top of the stairs, shaking his head at me. He was holding the DVD case, his mouth gaping as I watched in slow motion as he started railing on me for my choice of movie.

“Chase—” I started, but there was no stopping this train wreck.

“Pig sex? Really, Patrick? I can’t believe you watch this shit.”

He tossed the DVD case at me, but I couldn’t grasp it and it slid down the stairs, hitting each one, turning over and over again. My eyes blinked in slow motion as I shouted out.

“No!” It sounded like one of those morphed cries of terror that you heard in the movies when something horrible was about to happen. And something horrible was definitely going down.

I sucked in a ragged breath as it hit the last step, spinning like a top before landing right at my mom’s feet with a deafening clang. Slowly, she bent over and picked it up, gasping when she saw the man on the cover, riding the woman dressed as a cow.

“Patti…” I saw her eyes roll back in her head, but there was nothing I could do about it as she slid sideways against the wall and hit the ground.

Turning, I glared up at Chase. “Thanks. You just killed my mother.”

Grabbing the crutches, I hobbled down the stairs and bent over, patting my mom’s cheek.

She was out cold. Chase hurried down the stairs, hoisting my mother up in his arms and carrying her to the couch where she could rest. I kicked the offending DVD out of the way and gimped over to her, checking to see that she was still alive.

“Get her some water,” I demanded.

Sitting on the coffee table, I grabbed her hand and patted it lightly. “Oh, God. I killed my mother. That’s worse than…anything!”

“You didn’t kill her. She’s just shocked,” Chase said, walking over with the glass. “You might have warned me she walked into the house.”

“I tried to, but you were too busy yelling about my porn stash!”

“Well, who watches that shit?” he snapped.

“I wasn’t watching it! It was a mistake!”

“Like you accidentally said, I think I’ll watch some bestiality today? ”

“I didn’t?—”

My mom groaned and started to sit up just as Chase rushed over and helped her sit since I was unable to move quickly enough to help her.

“Oh,” she moaned, holding her head. “What did I do wrong?”

“Mom, you’re okay. I don’t think you have a concussion.”