Page 9

9

Ella

I continue to stare at Jack, embarrassed by the emotions tightening my chest. Clara was the only person I ever really felt saw me. That’s why I always excelled at work. It was never personal. It was only about how hard I worked and never about who I was. It didn’t hurt when no one cared enough to really know me because they weren’t supposed to.

But Jack. With him, I get this crazy feeling inside me that he sees me and accepts me. And I’m not exactly sure how to handle those unfamiliar feelings.

I’m grateful when the waitress comes to our table to bring our food. While Jack asks her a question, I take the opportunity to pull myself together. I glance down and pick up my purse, grabbing my chapstick and noticing a text notification. As soon as I unlock the screen, a chill passes through my body. The blood drains from my face.

Unknown: Who the fuck is that?

I whip my head around, looking over the back of the booth. My eyes flying to every face, searching for…anything.

“Gisella? Are you okay?” Jack’s deep voice brings me back.

With one last glance around the restaurant, I pivot back in my seat to find Jack watching me, concern lining his face.

My smile is brittle when I say, “Yeah, sorry.”

I know he’s expecting an explanation, but I can’t. This isn’t something you drop on someone during what may or may not be a first date. I don’t even know what he considers this. The optimism I felt earlier dissipates as the conversation between us falters.

It’s my fault. I can’t focus. I can’t tamp down the panic and dread consuming me. Knowing I’m ruining whatever’s between us makes me spiral further. Even when he asks me a question, I can’t form more than a few words in response. His expression is strained with doubt as we eat our meals. It’s so different from how he looked at me earlier. I guess this is the universe reminding me that I should have listened to the part of my brain telling me this was a bad idea.

When he finally pays the bill, I mumble a thank you before we walk out of the restaurant in silence. He looks at me every few steps with an indecipherable expression. I can only imagine how happy he must be to end this dinner that started with so much promise. When we get to my vehicle, though, technically it’s his, Jack puts his hand on the door as if to open it for me, but then he doesn’t. His eyes find mine.

“Gisella, I?—”

My heart can’t take hearing how this was a mistake, so I hold my hand up to halt his words. “It’s okay, Jack. You don’t have to say anything. Thank you for dinner. ”

His eyebrows knit together as his gaze narrows. He drops his hand from the door. “I don’t think you?—”

I interrupt and seize the opportunity to pull the door open and climb inside. “I need to go. Let me know when my car is ready and if you need anything else for the insurance.”

He frowns, but doesn’t stop me from closing the door. When he takes a step back, I start the car, and he stands unmoving, watching me back out of the parking spot and drive away.

As I turn out of the parking lot, tears start to fall. Impressed with how long I was able to keep them at bay, I brush my cheeks, catching the tears almost as quickly as they come.

Tomorrow, I will try to forget I ever thought there could be something between us and return to my regularly scheduled life. One that will be filled with loneliness and fear until I can fix the complications plaguing me.