Page 26 of Forever Your Touch (Manwhore #4)

“It should tell you that he’s shown me more kindness over the last few months than you’ve shown me in years.

Keith pushed him at me, hoping I’d fall for him, or at the very least give me someone to compare your treatment of me too.

And you know what? As much as I didn’t want to believe it, my brother actually knew what he was talking about.

Mason showed me I was worth more than barely a second thought.

He showed me what it meant to have someone look out for me, to protect me, and to be there for me when I needed them. ”

“So you’re saying he’s better than me?” There was no denying the hurt in his eyes.

“No, he’s not better than you, but he treats me better than you do.

And part of this is my fault. I was the one who allowed you to treat me the way you do.

I felt so guilty after we lost the baby and you stepped up then.

You put me first for the first time ever and I fell back in love with you all over again, but then you went back to ignoring me for what you wanted.

I thought I deserved to be second best because I couldn’t’ protect our baby.

I let you do what you did. I accepted it and I made it right.

But it wasn’t, Ray. I deserved to be loved and cherished.

I deserve to be put first sometimes. I deserve better than I’ve been given in this relationship. And I can’t do it anymore. I can’t.”

“So that’s it. After three years, you’re just going to throw it all away?”

Jo closed her eyes and a single tear leaked out. This was why she didn’t want to face Ray. This right here.

“Like you said, we’ve been through a lot. We’ve survived the loss of our child because we did it together. I…I can be better, but if you’re not willing to even try…”

“I’ve been trying. It’s why I agreed to come to New York.

I thought maybe if we left all our problems behind in California, we could get a fresh start here.

But it didn’t work. You just got even more apathetic.

We’re not working anymore. We haven’t for a long time, but I didn’t want to face it.

You need someone who doesn’t care if you’re all about you and I need someone who cares about my needs. Someone who puts me first.”

“Someone like Mason?”

“Mason is my friend.”

“He wants to be more.”

“Ray, let me tell you about Mason. When he heard me screaming, he ran out of the house and I’ll never forget the look of abject fear on his face.

He stopped the bleeding and got me to the hospital when your mother was too busy.

I begged him not to leave me alone because I was so scared.

He stayed. He spent all night sleeping on the floor in my room in blood soaked clothes because he promised me he wouldn’t leave.

And where were you? I asked you to come not because you could do anything, but because I was scared out of my mind.

You could have been here to hold me, to tell me it was going to be okay.

That’s what you could have done, but you chose fishing over me.

And the man who slept on the floor chose me over everything else. ”

He reared back like Jo hit him. And maybe in a way she had. A metaphorical punch to the gut.

“Mason taught me it was okay to want things, that it was okay to choose me first sometimes. He taught me that I deserved better than you’ve given me.”

“I screwed up.” Ray’s shoulders slumped. “I get it. I screwed up big time, but you have to let me try to fix it. I can be better. I swear I can.”

“It’s not working, Ray. Like I said, it hasn’t for a long.”

“That’s not true.”

“When was the last time you touched me? The last time you even thought about anything but sleeping at night?”

“I’ve been working my ass off. When I get home on the weekends, I’m tired.”

“Not too tired to go fishing though.”

“You’re not going to get past that are you?”

She shook her head. No way in hell was she getting past that. It hurt. Her heart took a beating from the knowledge fishing with his dad was more important to Ray than she was.

“I’m done talking about this. My mind is made up. We’re not working anymore, and I need you to accept that. Keith and Mason are going to come by your house and pick up my things for me.”

“Our house, Jo, not mine. Ours.”

“No, Ray, it was never ours. It was always yours. You just allowed me to take up some space there.”

“Don’t do this, please don’t do this. Let me try to be the man you need me to be. I can change. I know I can if you just let me try. Please, babe, please don’t do this.”

Jo turned away, the tears streaming down her face in earnest. God, this was hard because she loved him. So very, very much. Part of her wanted to give in, to take the pain out of his voice. She didn’t want him to hurt.

“Please, babe.” He got up and hugged her to him and a sob broke free. “Please, Jo, please say you forgive me and we can try again. Please.”

Her hand found the on-call button for the nurse and pushed it.

Someone was in her room in under a minute.

The nurse cleared her throat. “Ms. Maxwell, you called for us?”

Jo pushed away from Ray. “I need him to be escorted out of my room and not allowed back in.” She hiccupped on her tears.

“Jo, please…”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Ray, but the answer is no. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Sir, if the patient doesn’t want you here, I have to ask you to leave.”

“Jo…” His voice shook with his own pain. “Don’t do this.”

“I have to. Please, don’t make this harder than it has to be. Please, just leave.”

He reached for her, and she flinched away.

The nurse said something that she didn’t quite hear, but Ray stiffened and stood up. “I’m not giving up, Jo. You’re going to forgive me and realize we’re all that matters. We can get through this.”

She closed her eyes and tried to breathe through her sobs. When she heard him leave, she collapsed onto the mattress and cried.

She cried until she fell asleep, her heart shattered and bleeding.