Page 25 of Forever Your Touch (Manwhore #4)

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Jo let out a sigh and tried to get comfortable. She’d convinced Mason to go home and get a shower earlier. The boy stank. He’d argued he could use the shower in her room, but as she pointed out, putting blood soaked clothes back on wouldn’t help with the odor he was giving off.

Seriously, the boy reeked.

Keith promised her he’d take Mason with him to go pack up her stuff at Ray’s. Jo knew she was taking the cowards way out by not doing it herself, but she couldn’t do it. Physically, it would be weeks before she’d be able to stand, but that wasn’t the reason she wasn’t going to supervise.

She and Ray had been inseparable for three years. It nearly killed her to tell him she was leaving. If she went to pack her things up, she was a little afraid she’d give in to his pleas and stay.

Jo loved Ray with all her heart. Every time he did something that caused her step back and allow him to be apathetic or to put himself first, she’d known it was wrong.

Yet she’d allowed it. She knew the kind man, the man who loved her.

She knew the man who would get her blue roses every year for her birthday because they were her favorite flower.

She knew the man who had sat with her while she cried after she lost her baby.

She knew the man who told her it would be okay.

That he loved her and there would be more babies.

Ray wasn’t all bad.

He was just bad for her.

Because while she knew the kind man, she also knew the other side of him.

The side who didn’t care that she could cause herself bodily harm with a lawnmower.

She knew the man who had stayed at the lake with his dad fishing while she’d been in major surgery.

She knew the man who wouldn’t let her use his car while it sat there for weeks even though he understood how dangerous public transportation was in New York.

She knew the man who only wanted to go eat where he liked to go.

To only go see the movies he liked. Who only cared about what he wanted.

Somewhere along the way, Jo had let herself get pushed into the background, to become second best. Out of guilt and loyalty.

Part of her thought she deserved it because of the miscarriage.

That part of her had been dominant the last two years.

The more her family argued against Ray, the tighter she’d held on because she didn’t want to admit they were right.

It was only after she’d gotten away from their constant badgering that she’d started to open her eyes.

Yes, Mason played a part of that, but mostly it had been her seeing Ray’s faults up close and personal and not having to defend them to anyone but herself.

She understood it wasn’t a healthy relationship for her.

Yet, if she had to walk into that house and face him, she might not leave. It had taken everything she had to decide to call it quits with Ray and she’d had the courage because she’d done it over the phone. She hadn’t had to look him in the eye and tell him she wanted to end things.

Cowardly.

She shifted again, and pain raced up her leg, as if to agree her actions were cowardly. She was supposed to go home today, but she was running a fever and they said she’d gotten an infection. It was no wonder with the amount of dirt and grass that had been in the wounds.

There was a knock and she looked up, expecting to see her parents who promised they’d be here later and to bring her decent food. Hospital food was the worst.

Instead, it was the one person she didn’t want to see.

Ray.

“Hey, Jo.” His eyes were big and sorrowful and she glanced away, unable to see the pain in them.

“Ray, what are you doing here?”

He shuffled closer, his baseball hat in his hand. “I came to take you home, Jo.”

She blinked. “What?”

“They said you were being released today…”

“Who told you that?”

“I called last night, but you were asleep. The lady I spoke with said you’d be going home today. I wanted to be here to pick you up.”

“Why aren’t you at work?”

“Because you’re hurt Jo. I would have come over yesterday after I finished cleaning up the yard, but you were mad and I…I know I messed up Jo. I’m sorry. I should have come here before I cleaned the yard.”

He looked so contrite and apologetic, but he didn’t get it. He really didn’t get it and that was why she knew she’d made the right decision.

“I’m not going home today, Ray.”

“Is something wrong?” He came over and sat in the chair Mason had vacated about an hour ago.

“I got an infection. I can’t go anywhere until I’m fever free for at least twenty-four hours.”

“I’m sorry, babe.” He took my hand and squeezed it. “I’ll be here to take you home when you get released though. I took the whole week off work for you.”

Jo closed her eyes. This was the caring, sweet man who had gotten her through those months after the baby. This was the man she loved. But it wasn’t who he was all the time. And that was why she had to stay strong.

“No, Ray. I’m not coming home. I meant what I said. I can’t do this anymore.”

He frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“Ray, you decided staying at the lake and fishing with your dad was more important than being here with me while I underwent major surgery. Don’t you see something wrong with that?”

“Me being here did nothing to help you.”

“That’s not the point!” Even though her heart was breaking, her temper flared.

“Then what’s the point, Jo? You gotta help me here, babe.”

“The point is…” She took a deep breath. “Ray, I love you more than anything in this world.”

“I love you too, babe.” He squeezed her hand again, his smile reassuring.

Jo pulled her hand out of his. Why was this so hard?

“I know you love me, but you don’t love me enough. I’m not sure you even know how to love someone the way they’re supposed to be loved.”

“That makes no sense.”

“Not to you, but it does to me. I didn’t see it before, but once I got away from my family and didn’t have to defend your actions to them day in and day out, I started having to defend you to myself.

I should never have to make excuses for the way you treat me and force myself to not only accept it but to be okay with it. ”

“The way I treat you?”

How did she explain to him if only he was the man sitting here right now every single day, they wouldn’t even be having this conversation.

“Ray, you don’t put me first, not even sometimes.

It’s always about what you want or your parents.

You don’t care about my wishes. You don’t care about my safety.

The lawnmower was just one instance. You know how prone I am to accidents and yet you thought it was fine for me to cut the grass.

” She gestured to her leg which was suspended off the bed in some kind of sling. “I almost died Ray.”

“What?” he whispered.

“I nicked an artery and almost bled to death. If Mason hadn’t of been there with enough sense to try and stop the bleeding, I probably wouldn’t have made it to the hospital. I had to have blood transfusions.”

“I didn’t know…Mom never said…”

“You mom doesn’t care enough about me to think it worth mentioning.

And that’s another thing. You expect me to accept your mother’s treatment of me and yet, you want nothing to do with my parents.

All they ever wanted to do was to get to know you and you basically spit in their faces at every turn. How is that remotely fair?”

“I never thought about it like that.”

No, and the truth was, he probably wouldn’t care about it five minutes after he left. For the moment, it mattered to him. But later? When all this died down? It would go right back to the way it’d always been.

“You never think, Ray. You didn’t think about what kind of hell an accident with the lawn mower would cause when you said thanks and walked out the door. You didn’t think or you didn’t care. I honestly don’t know which is true.”

“Of course I care, Jo. I love you. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“Then why say thanks and walk out the damn door knowing how badly I could get hurt?” she exploded, her temper finally starting to rear its head.

He had the good sense to look ashamed. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not just that, though. It’s so many things that all snowballed into the final straw of the lawnmower.”

“Like what?”

“Like the car. You know how dangerous New York is and yet you won’t let me use the car to go to school or run errands when you’re not using it. It sits in the driveway all week.”

“Mason was taking you to school, so I don’t see why…”

“Mason’s not my boyfriend! He shouldn’t care more about my safety than you do, the man who’s supposed to love and take care of me.”

He flinched. Really, what could he say to that?

“It wasn’t Mason’s job to haul me around everywhere because as he said and I quote, “You’re not getting raped or killed on my watch.

” It’s not Mason’s job to make sure there’s a security system installed at the house when I’m there alone for days at a time.

It’s not Mason’s job to take me grocery shopping. It’s not Mason’s job to be you.”

“Is that what this is? Are you trying to break up with me for Mason?”

Jo closed her eyes. She couldn’t believe that was what he took from all that. He really didn’t understand where he was in the wrong.

“Mason is my friend, Ray. That’s all he is.”

He snarled. “I don’t think so. What were you two doing all those nights I was away, working to put food on the table?”

“How dare you?” she whispered. “After everything we’ve been through, how dare you accuse me of cheating on you. I would never do that. Unlike you, I respect you enough to break up with you before I did anything like that.”

“You want to break up, Jo, so what’s that tell me?”