Page 12 of Forever, Never, Always (Forever #2)

“We’ve never even discussed what we want.”

I shift uncomfortably. Usually, I just ghost women.

It’s not something I’m proud of, but I hate this part.

I’ve never dated anyone for as long as I have Zoe, so ghosting wasn’t an option.

I owed her the face-to-face breakup, no matter how messy it gets, and something about her sudden rage tells me it’s going to be messy.

“Okay, do you want kids?” I ask bluntly, and she suddenly looks less confident. I place my hands on the worktop and fix her with an intense stare. “One, two, three? How many?”

“I haven’t thought about it,” she mutters.

“You have,” I snap. “You’ve thought about a lot, and you know damn well it’s not something on your radar.”

“Maybe not right now . . .”

“I’m thirty-six, Zoe. I want kids. I want to get married and settle down.”

Her eyes narrow suspiciously. “Why haven’t you mentioned this before? We’ve been dating for months, and you’ve never even raised the conversation about the future.”

“If you fell pregnant right now,” I begin, and she stiffens slightly, “what would you do?”

“Why are you asking me that?”

“It’s a general question. What would you do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Would you sit me down and tell me? Would you give me a chance to tell you what I want?”

Zoe

Alarm bells are ringing. The possibility that he could know my secret is making me nervous. Not because what I did was wrong, but because I’d hate for him to feel the pain I was trying to protect him from. I square my shoulders.

“No, I wouldn’t tell you.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s my choice.”

“So, you wouldn’t keep it?”

I shake my head. “Not right now. It’s not the right time for me.”

“When will be the right time?”

“Jesus, Ric, I don’t know. Why is this suddenly an issue for you?”

“Because you didn’t give me chance to fight for it,” he mutters, and my world tilts slightly.

I’m holding my breath whilst my mind races for the right words.

There aren’t any. “I would never have forced you to keep it,” he adds, staring down at the floor, “but I think I deserved a chance to say how I felt about it.”

Anger burns in my chest. How dare he make me feel guilty about one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. “Why?” I ask, and he looks up. “Why did you deserve a chance to fight for something I didn’t want?”

“Out of fucking respect, Zoe. Respect for our relationship.”

“It’s my body,” I snap. “My life.”

“And mine too,” he counters.

I shake my head. “That’s the thing, isn’t it?

Men make it about emotion. You would’ve talked me into keeping it, even though it’s not what I want.

Guilt would’ve made me reconsider. And so I keep it, suffer the body changes, the end of my career.

Give birth then breastfeed because of the pressure surrounding what society expects.

I would’ve sat here day after day, feeding, providing, raising our child.

And you, what would you have to change?” He stutters. “Exactly. Nothing.”

“That’s not true, Zoe. Having a child is huge, and it would affect us both.”

“But me more, yes?”

“I guess.”

“You guess?” I repeat, half laughing. “My life would go on hold. Having a child would be me making a lifelong commitment to put another human before myself.”

“And I’d make the same commitment.”

“But not the same sacrifices.” He sighs heavily, like my words are dramatic, and that only annoys me more. “You’d still get to go to work. That wouldn’t change for you.”

“So, I could provide for you and the baby.”

“I want to do that myself,” I cry. “My career is just taking off, and you’d be asking me to put that on hold for years while your life goes on untouched.

You’d be home for the fun parts like cuddles and bedtimes, but I’d be the one here, day in, day out, doing the main care. And what if you ever left?”

“I wouldn’t.”

“You’re leaving right now,” I cry.

“Because we’re clearly at different stages. We should’ve been having this conversation before you aborted our child, Zoe.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose and inhale slowly.

“I’ve watched Meg change her entire life to fit in with Dan and Izzy, and for what?

The first sign of perky tits and he was off.

He left them. It’s Meg who has no choice.

She can’t leave Izzy. And then there’s Sofia.

She decided to do it without a man and she’s struggling.

So, if those two can’t do it, what chance would I have? ”

His face softens as he takes a step closer. “Zoe, you’d be a great mum.”

“The difference is, I don’t want to be one.” I lean in and place a gentle kiss on his cheek. “And I’m okay with that.”

I leave and head straight for Sofia’s. I tap gently on the door in case Harry is asleep, and when she opens it, I practically shove my way inside. My heart is pounding, and I feel sick. I’ve never experienced a breakup like this. I don’t know how to react or what to feel.

Sofia is watching me with concern as I pace, so I stop and take a breath. “He’s dumped me. Eric has dumped me.”