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He glanced over my shoulder and then looked me in the eye. “I think you did make your point.”

I smiled, happy with that and happy he knew what I was doing.

“That’s the only reason you kissed me, right?” He arched an eyebrow, waiting for me to explain my actions.

No, Brad. I kissed you because I have loved you and looked up to you as soon as I got hormones. I couldn’t say that though. I frowned, not being able to lie to him, and shrugged instead. I went to get off but his hands gripped my hips and held me in place.

“Sweetheart, why did you kiss me?”

I gulped. Lie, I had to lie. “Just did. No reason.”

“You’re lying to me.”

I huffed. “Drop it Brad!” I tried to get off him but he just held me in place.

“Sweetheart, why did you do it?”

“Don’t you do things on impulse?” I snapped, annoyed with him. I would not tell him I loved him. That I had always had had an unhealthy attraction to him. That I’d looked at his friendship over the years as more.

“No.”

Well, there goes my one way of explaining this. “Well, I did it on impulse.”

He looked at me, not buying it. I read his expression. He wanted a real answer. So I had to turn the tables.

“I kissed you to prove a point. Why did you kiss me?” I challenged him. Immediately, he closed up. His hands were off me. He wanted me off. I could tell that instantly.

“We should order breakfast.” He completely closed up.

Well, that was one way to get out of his question. I moved off him, feeling extremely awkward. I shouldn’t have kissed him. But why did he kiss me? I glanced at him, and he was glaring at the menu. What was he thinking?

He was regretting it. I cared too much about him for him feeling guilty and taking all the blame. I kissed him, period. It didn’t matter that he’d kissed me. I started it.

I turned to face him. “I promise I won’t do that again, Brad. I’m sorry.” I looked at the menu in his hand. “I’ll have a hot chocolate. Still not hungry though.”

He glanced at me, his eyes holding mine. “When did you get mature?”

I smiled. “Just don’t beat yourself up about it, okay? I did it. And I won’t do it again.” I had learned my lesson. “So, you won’t beat yourself up with guilt over it?”

I knew Brad. I knew he would take the blame on his shoulders. He had kissed me. But I started it.

“Like I said, when did you get mature?” He looked at me, puzzled, like he was seeing a complete different side to me.

“I’m not. I just know you.” I threw him another smile. “Now, I want my hot chocolate.”

He looked at me longer with disbelief. Like I was a miracle or something. Or he was just seeing me for the first time.

“Hot chocolate isn’t enough, what else do you want?” He cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable.

“Trust me, that’s more than what I have been having.” I tucked my legs under me.

“That really pisses me off, Hannah.” He didn’t hide it in voice either; his disapproval. It angered him that I hadn’t been eating.

“Not a big deal.” And it really wasn’t. I couldn’t eat because I was worried. Thursday. My mind went back to it. D-day. Breast cancer or no breast cancer. Brad had taken my mind off it for a little bit, but now my mind was locked on it.

***

Sometimes you are given challenges to overcome in life. Sometimes you can’t explain them. Sometimes there isn’t reason as to why they’ve happened. And other times, life just sucks.