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Chapter Twenty-One

Hannah

If only I had thought this through better. Maybe if I had, I wouldn’t be so interested in trying to find the television remote while Brad stood awkwardly in the doorway, watching me.

God, what was I thinking, offering for him to stay? This would be the last place he would want to be. It wouldn’t even be going too far to say I was also the last person he would want to be with tonight.

The feeling slowly swirled through my blood when I remembered that I was that girl. The girl that forced the guy to be with her for another night. I wanted to scoff. Screw that. I wasn’t just forcing him to be here—my Dad was and on top of that, it was looked at as ‘babysitting’ me.

“I think I’m going to have an early night.” I finally threw the last pillow off the bed, giving up on finding the remote altogether. Clearly it was a sign. A sign that I shouldn’t be forcing Brad to stay here with me.

I couldn’t look up. I couldn’t even glance at him, I was that embarrassed.

Still, I could feel he was still in the room; well, barely in the room—he was standing in the doorway.

“Okay.”

And just that one word confirmed what I was thinking. He was here because I was forcing him.

“I’ll be downstairs if you need anything,” he added, his voice cold and distance. My heart was beating but I swore it stopped a minute ago when he confirmed that he didn’t want to stay. Why had he even pretended to want to in front of Dad?

I actually thought that he had missed me. I knew it was too true for him to be saying he loved me; I knew deep down, it wouldn’t last.

My bedroom door closed quietly and I had to admit it wasn’t just the door on my bedroom being shut—it was also the door on our relationship; fuck, it wasn’t even a relationship.

I wasn’t going to lie and say I hadn’t pictured tonight going differently but reality was quick to wash over me.

What’s the point of love, if the person you love is incapable of loving you back? How the fuck is that fair?

I wiped the tear off my cheek. Why the hell did it have to hurt this much, especially when I already knew it was a possibility?

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I automatically pulled it out. Seeing as I had been ignoring my phone most of the time, I guess it felt rather odd to look at it. But it could be Dad, confused on what he was getting.

But it wasn’t Dad.

Tatz’s name was across my screen. Why would he message me?

Happy birthday

I read those two words over again. Tatz had seriously waited till midnight to send me a happy birthday message? Why would he do that? I was stunned because he had spelled the words correctly and he was always talking to me how he struggled with spelling. Clearly he had been lying.

My fingers hovered over the keyboard. Should I write back?

Then it started to ring.

Brad

Just go back in. Just go fucking back in. My hand went to her doorknob. Fuck I was stupid. She gave me the perfect opportunity to tell her how I was feeling and instead of being a man and telling her the way it was, I was a coward and left. I made it halfway down the stairs till I was forced to come back up.

Reality had slapped me, reminding me that I was a fucking dickhead.

I went to knock on her door until I heard her phone, causing my closed fist to pause. Who would be calling her at this time of night?

“I wasn’t expecting to hear from you again.” Hannah’s voice was low and if I could put a pin on it, I would say she had been crying.

I left a few minutes ago, so what on earth would cause her to be crying in that space of time?

Fuck, I’m an idiot. The answer was obvious.