Page 10 of For Puck’s Sake (Seattle Vipers #2)

NINE

RIDLEY

T here was no way of preventing the exchange between Brea and I three nights ago. There was nothing I could have said to ease the pain her last words caused us both. Ultimately, she was right. I watched her run away from me, the door slamming with finality, leaving me speechless. I knew knocking on the door and pleading with her to hear me out would have fallen on deaf ears. My potential baby news triggered her, and I saw the pain, the hurt, fuck, the betrayal in her eyes. Here I was thinking I had a right to be upset about her falling into Dean’s bed, but what I’ve been doing is exactly what she said it was. A big slap in the face.

I can argue the catalyst of our downfall had nothing to do with her. Brea leaving was just the end result of a series of unfortunate events. How I handled the fallout though, oh, I took a bulldozer to my morals and let everything my mother and father taught me about respect and decency crumble to the ground. Somedays even my own sister looked at me like she didn’t know me. My justification to my teammates and friends is I’m protecting my heart. I confessed to Tor, Bast, and Devan that I have no space left for love and relationships, I tried it and look where it got me. Now though, now that I’ve seen the way it has affected her, seeing me like this, the fuckboy persona I presented to the press, I’m ashamed of myself. Because that Ridley, the one women fawned over to get attention, the Ridley who treated fucking puck bunnies like a sport, who didn’t care who’s heart he trampled on, that Ridley is not me. Not me at all. Subconsciously I wanted Brea to hurt like she hurt me. My actions over time, my prolonged salacious behavior, I took it too far. Now the woman I never stopped loving wants nothing to do with me and I don’t know how to make it right.

My parents always told me to ask for help when I am lost. To leave my pride at the door and seek guidance. I need advice. For the first time in a long time, I need my best friend to talk me down from the ledge. Although, I can argue this is his fault. His attempt to help me only made things worse. But it’s not his fault, he doesn’t have the complete picture of what happened between me and Brea. So, as I watch Brea getting into her jeep without a sideways glance at the main house, I know what I have to do. With a quick glance at my watch, I pull my cellphone from my back pocket with hope. After some sketchy time zone counting, I do just that. I hope for a lifeline and dial a friend. Well, text him.

Me: Put the baguette down, the carbs will only slow you down in a few weeks. I need your help.

Bailey: Oh, I’m not eating carbs. (winky face emoji)

Oh hell no. I don’t want to think about what he is actually eating. Gross. Well, Alexis is not gross, but, okay, never mind.

Me: Holding up my hands in surrender. I don’t want to know. (dead emoji)

Bailey: Why are you up so early? The point of summer break is to literally break, Rid. I know that’s rich coming from me. But you still have the weekend before the camp starts.

Me: (Laughing emoji) Yes, mister workout and nutrition guru. You are one to talk. Preparations for the camp are going well. Oh yea, loving my assistant by the way. Thanks for the heads up. Derrick Fucking Shaw!! (wide eyed emoji)

Bailey: Derrick is great. He’s going to kill it for Toronto. He will be our competition soon. Have Bast put him through his paces. Make sure you film it for me. (Hands clapping emoji) So, are we going to exchange small talk or do you actually want to talk about why you’re really reaching out. Does this have something to do with your neighbor? Oh, and by the way, you’re welcome. (Smiley face emoji)

Me: Yes, it was quite a surprise. I would say I am grateful, but she wants nothing to do with me, Tor. I found her out on the dock the other night, she was just as surprised to see me. Let’s just say it wasn’t the best first meeting after two years of radio silence. I fucked up and I don’t know what to do here, Tor. How do I make this right?

I watch the dots bounce up and down, then they stop. Then I stare at them as they reappear again, as if Tor is typing then deleting what he was going to say. Knowing Tor, he probably is. As I wait for his reply, I stare out of the massive bay windows and on to the manicured front lawn where Brea was parked only moments ago. For the past three days I’ve given her space. I haven’t been back to Red’s, and I skirted around town to avoid running into her. I needed time to think about how I was going to approach her properly. I want to have a real conversation with her, easy, like we used to. We are still the same two people who fell in love with one another all those years ago. We just have to find them somehow.

My phone chimes and I’m clinging to it for dear life, desperate for his suggestion. I will do anything. Until I’ve exhausted every possibility, because my Luna is worth it. I want her to remember, she is worth everything.

Bailey: Start over.

Me: ? I’m sorry. What?

Bailey: Hey, I had an entire list of things to suggest, but Alexis vetoed them all. Her advice is to start over. It’s the only way to make a fresh start. If not, you both will continue to circle around past issues. It will be a constant push and pull. These are Alexis’s words, not mine. Honestly, I say kidnap her and tie her to the bed. Make her see reason.

Me: You need to stop reading Devan’s stalker romance book suggestions. I’m getting a little worried about you.

Bailey: Alexis knows how possessive I am. In fact, she loves it.

Me: TMI.

Bailey: (Winky face emoji)

Me: So, start over. A new beginning. (Thinking emoji) Easier said than done.

Bailey: Do I need to remind you of where I was only a few months ago? Alexis and I had serious water under the bridge. We made it work, we forgave each other, we started anew. When have you ever let a challenge stop you? Do you love her still?

Me: Absolutely! I never stopped.

Bailey: Yeah, I thought so. You can never fool me.

Me: I’ve been the biggest fool. I was only kidding myself.

Bailey: Good. I am glad you see it now.

Me: Geez, thanks.

Bailey: That’s what friends are for. Yes, I am singing the song right now. Alexis is giving me the stink eye.

Me: Stop torturing your fiancée. Or is she your wife yet?

Bailey: Plans are in motion. Her family is going to kill me, but we can always celebrate with them during Christmas break.

Me: Does Alexis know this?

Bailey: (Shhh face emoji)

Me: I’ll leave you to your nefarious dealings, Bailey, but don’t call me when she writes another book about you again and then kills you off.

Bailey: She wouldn’t. Wait. She would. Okay, I got to go. I need to love on my Supernova, so she’s too blissed out to notice my wedding ring on her finger.

Me: Good luck with that.

Bailey: Hey, I know there are a lot of things about your relationship with Brea I know nothing about. I get it. Some things need to remain private. Whatever it is, I know the two of you can overcome it. Find your common ground. Put her first. Remind her you love her. Now go get your girl. Again, you’re welcome. And yes, you can thank your Disney stars I’m serenading Alexis with that song from Moana right now. (Winky face emoji)

I don’t even bother texting him back. Knowing Tor, he is too wrapped up in Alexis to give me any more of his time. I remind myself to thank Alexis though. She may be on to something. Although the idea of starting again with Brea sounds like a brilliant plan in theory, in practice though, I’m not sure if there’s too much damage already done, from both sides.

All I know for certain is I still love her. I look at her and still see our future, despite the seemingly insurmountable odds stacked against us. With my hockey schedule and her national tour, it all feels impossible. When my parents died, I thought being a rookie in the NHL while taking care of my seventeen-year-old sister was impossible. I took on the role of brother, parent, and full-time athlete, and wore that responsibility like armor. I’ve given everything in my life one hundred percent, even when I wanted to give up, grieve my losses, and hide away from prying eyes. I don’t plan on giving up on her. I tried to walk away, and I don’t like the man I became without her by my side. I have to take a chance here, because I have a feeling I am only going to get one. This is what I wanted all those months ago as I looked up at the night sky, wishing for a moment. This is it.

With all those thoughts churning in my head, I go in search of my keys, and before I know it I’m driving down Main Street in search of Brea and a new start.

But first, I need to convince her. Let the crazy begin.