Page 45

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“Your knees will buckle under the weight of a broken heart.”

Kerris Dawn, An Observation

M addox comes to a sudden halt before we reach the end of the bridge. “ Shit .”

I peer around him to see what caused the holdup. There, in the distance, stand two guards. Their backs are to us so they don’t know we’re here yet, but there’s no telling what they’ll say or do if they see Maddox.

He must be thinking the same thing because when he turns, he wears a wince.

“I can go on my own,” I tell him. It’s really not that far. Besides, it will be easier to traverse Rosehill unnoticed without a giant Unseelie escort.

Although he shakes his head, relief flickers across his face. “Ever asked me to take you home.”

“I’ll not let you get into trouble for my choices.” Heaven only knows what his fate might be if those guards find out—or his chieftain.

I push past Maddox before he sees the tears burning my eyes and take the final few steps until my slippers meet dirt. “I’m home. Your job is done.”

Maddox blows out a breath, casts one final wary look toward the guards, and then nods. He opens his mouth, as if to say something, but must think better of it because he turns and vanishes into the mist without a word of goodbye.

We were never friends, but we were at least acquaintances. Surely, I deserve more than silence. Then again, perhaps he blames me for the terrible fate that has befallen Ever. And for good reason. If Ever and I had never crossed paths, he’d be marrying an Unseelie woman, protected by the village.

Now he’s all alone in a forest full of monsters waiting to devour him.

Monsters with red eyes and blood dripping from their razor-like teeth.

I press a hand to my racing heart, forcing myself to breathe through the panic rising in my chest. Knowing I’m safe now doesn’t ease the unending ache. Not when Ever is still in danger.

Voices carry from where the guards continue to converse. Two more appear over the horizon, flaming roses emblazoned on their black armor. Instead of going left where they’re congregating, I swing right and take the ring road around the city.

The state of me; if anyone sees there’s sure to be talk. If only Ever had given me time to wash the blood from my clothes. If only I’d convinced him to let me stay.

“Good heavens, Kerris. Are you all right?”

My head snaps up and I see Trevor standing at his cottage gate, his jaw hanging open as he stares at the bloody smears across my silken skirts.

Are you all right?

No…I couldn’t be further from all right.

A sob tears from my chest, and my legs give out, leaving me in a heap in the middle of the cobblestones.

He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone.

I barely hear Trevor’s curse over those two words poisoning my mind.

Warm hands gently clasp my elbows, helping me to my feet, escorting me on unsteady legs into the cool darkness of Trevor’s quaint cottage. He doesn’t stop until we reach the tiny dining area. When he drags out a chair for me, I fall onto the seat with a garbled thanks and drag my sleeve beneath my runny nose. I need to get myself together, but all I’m able to do is fall apart.

From the tap, Trevor fills a glass of water and presses the drink into my hand. “Take a deep breath, have a sip of this, and tell me what happened.”

Rogue drops of water roll down the smooth glass to where my fingers tighten. Water that heals. Water that extends our lives. Water that Ever isn’t allowed to access. “There was a… a w-wolf.”

Trevor sucks in a breath, the color draining from his face. “Are you hurt? There’s a physician down the road?—”

“No.”

He freezes, his hands outstretched toward me and brow furrowed. Slowly, he lowers his arms to his sides, and his lips flatten into grim line. “We must go to the king straightaway.”

If we go to the king, he’s liable to cut off all access to the well. I cannot be the cause of an entire village’s downfall as well as my own. “No,” I say again, stronger. More resolute.

“Kerris—”

“I said no . The wolf wasn’t on our side of The Divide. It was on theirs. And it’s dead.” The Seelie are safe which means the king doesn’t need to know a blessed thing. Besides, there are four guards watching the bridge. They would kill any beast before it made landfall in Rosehill.

Trevor blinks at me for a moment, but then his eyes widen, followed by a slow nod.

I take another sip, willing my hands to stop trembling. How am I supposed to walk through town looking like I’ve been shredded to ribbons? Word is bound to reach the king, and I cannot have anyone else finding out what happened. “I know I have no right to ask you this, but will you help me? I need you to get Nia and ask her to bring me a change of clothes.”

He bobs his head. “Yes, of course. I’ll go straightaway.”

“Thank you.” Although it’ll do no good to put on a clean dress and still have blood on my hands. “Do you mind if I use your bathing room?”

“Not at all. Help yourself to what’s there. There are fresh towels in the closet.”

“Thank you, Trevor.”

His boots fall heavily against the wooden floor as he hurries toward the exit, leaving me in bitter silence, drowning in memories. Forcing myself to my feet, I drift toward the bathing room to fill the claw-foot tub. Such a simple convenience that I’ve always taken for granted. With a shuddering exhale, I shed my clothes and sink into the water, its healing properties doing nothing to save me from the images in my mind.

Of the wolf.

Of him .

My eyes sink closed, and I let my tears melt down my cheeks and disappear into the bath. Eventually, the water goes cold, but I cannot find it in me to rise.

Hinges creak, and Nia steps into the room, a colorful carpet bag slung over her shoulder. “Are you all right?” she whispers. “You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.” She steps closer. “Heavens above, Kerris. Is that blood on your forehead?”

I drag a hand across my brow. The dried blood turns pink in the water. “I’m…” I cannot bring myself to say I’m fine.

The bag clatters to the tiles, and Nia grabs a cloth from the sink, kneeling beside me to dip it into the water. Carefully, she smooths the soft terrycloth down my cheeks. Her brow furrows as she traces one of the scars on my neck. “Something bit you.”

So much for not crying. “Ever . ” There’s no sense trying to hide the truth when it’s been painted in silver crescent moons upon my skin. My soul.

Nia’s hand finds mine beneath the water. “What happened?”

I shake my head, cursing these damn tears that refuse to stop falling. “His people abandoned him. He’s all alone in that forest and those wolves are…they’re monsters, Nia. I would’ve died if he hadn’t saved me.”

She braces her hands on my shoulders, giving me a little shake. “But you didn’t die. And neither will he. We’ll figure this out.”

What’s there to figure out? I cannot survive across The Divide and Ever refuses to live here. This situation is as hopeless as it always was; I just didn’t want to believe it.

Her mouth flattens as she shakes her head. “Stand up. You’re shaking like a leaf.” She grabs the towel from next to my dress and holds it open the way my mother used to.

Gripping the sides of the tub, I slide my feet beneath me before standing.

“Heavens, Kerris. They’re everywhere .”

It takes me a moment to realize she means the scars. They cover my arms, my breasts, my stomach, and even my thighs.

“Your man was quite thorough, wasn’t he?” Clearing her throat, she envelopes me in the towel and tucks the end beneath my arm. “I’m not sure the dress I brought will cover them. I wonder if Trevor will mind you borrowing a shirt?”

“He told me to help myself to whatever I need.”

She bustles around the room, drawing the plug from the bath and spreading out the cloth on the edge to dry. “He’s a good man.”

“He is. But I can’t marry him.” Perhaps before, I might have been content with a safe match, but now that I’ve tasted true passion, the kind of connection you find only once in a lifetime, I will settle for nothing less.

Her shoulders fall with her sigh. “Your life would be so much easier if you did.”

* * *

Nia leaves me to finish drying, returning with a soft white linen shirt to wear as a sort of jacket over my dress. She scoops up all the soiled garments along with my abandoned towel and drops them into the wash basket.

By the time we return to the sitting room, Trevor is pacing from the sofa to the front door and back again. When he sees us, his brow crushes with concern.

Nia squeezes my fingers with a quiet, “I’ll wait for you outside.”

It feels like another lifetime when I imagined myself living in this quaint cottage. A lifetime that feels so far out of reach. “Thank you for your kindness, Trevor.”

“Consider it an apology. I haven’t done right by you, Kerris. For that, I am dreadfully sorry. If you could find it in your heart to forgive me, I would love nothing more than to prove myself to you.”

Your life would be so much easier if you did .

One yes is all it would take to make all of this go away.

One yes that will never fall from my lips.

How can I possibly even consider moving on with the taste of Ever’s skin still living on my tongue? With the vows we exchanged in the darkness still ringing in my ears?

“I’m sorry, Trevor. But I do not love you.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to. Love takes time to cultivate.”

Some love can take time, like Aunt Cordelia and Uncle Arlo’s. But the love I’ve found is made of fire, all-consuming and devastating, leaving scars on my body and my heart. Scars that will never heal. There is no going back for me. “What I mean to say is that I am in love with someone else.”

Trevor blows out a resigned breath. “Pity. I thought you and I could make an excellent match. But if your heart lies elsewhere, then there is no hope for us.”

Truer words have never been spoken, and yet I feel my heart break a little more anyway. For the simple life I’ve thrown away in favor of a beautiful disaster. Of a love and life that can never be. “Thank you for being such a good friend. I hope you can find someone to be happy with someday.”

When he smiles, it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

When I smile, neither does mine.