Page 36

36

“Vows spoken too soon are not nearly as painful as vows spoken too late.”

Willow Gathin, A Observation

I belong to someone else.

“What do you mean?” He cannot belong to someone else. He belongs with me.

“I am to be mated with a female in our village.”

“That’s not true.” It can’t be. Why would he bring me here, why would he lead me on if he was going to marry someone else the whole bloomin’ time?

“I am sorry, Kerris.”

He’s sorry? He’s sorry? Not as sorry as I am.

Who is she? Why would he choose her over me? Is she more beautiful?

I hate the nameless, faceless woman. I hate her more than I’ve ever hated anyone. More than Ronan Reve.

Damp air floods my throat as I gulp for my next breath, my eyes burning with tears I refuse to shed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Ever— no, Ever ett , just stands there, his face devoid of emotion. “Because I did not know?—”

“Didn’t know what? That you were getting married ?” Poppycock.

“No. I mean, yes.” Like everything else that concerns this man, I feel his huff of frustration in my bones. “She asked me weeks ago, and I never gave her a response. So she took matters into her own hands and told everyone that I accepted.”

“Why didn’t you turn her down?”

He cards his hands through his hair, his handsome face stricken. “Because she is a good match for me. Strong and capable. Independent and fierce.”

All things that I am not.

“But then I met you and…”

And I took too long to figure out what I wanted. For weeks I tried to be content with the men on this side of The Divide, but my heart and mind kept drifting across the canyon. Why didn’t I say something sooner? Why didn’t I chase after what I truly wanted instead of wasting all my time trying to adhere to ridiculous conventions?

“Call it off.” Surely, we can figure out how to make this work between us.

“It is not that simple.”

“Why not? Do you love her?”

He jerks back as if I slapped him. Part of me wants to. “Of course not.”

“Then why in heaven’s name are you marrying her?”

“Because I am thirty years of age, and it is my duty to my people to accept a mate.”

To hell with duty! To hell with everyone else. In my heart, I know it’s meant to be him and me. In my soul.

Everett drops his head back, as if sending a prayer to the heavens. “I have never wanted anything more than what I have been given. And then you…”

“Then I what, Everett? Go on. Tell me what I did that is so wrong.”

“You made me want what I cannot have!”

Can’t he see? If he wants me, I’m his. I’m standing right here with my heart in my hands and yet he insists on turning me away. On keeping a promise he didn’t even bloody make.

Heavens above, I care about this man more than any other, but he isn’t mine…and now he never will be.

Not mine to kiss.

Not mine to want.

Not mine to love.

And now I am more than a fool. I am a fool who has fallen for a man promised to someone else. Another man refusing to fight for me.

“You should have told me the moment you came to my window.”

“That is what I planned on doing. But then I saw you and…I did not want to let you go.”

Yes, well, it’s a little late for that, now, isn’t it? At least if he told me before I wouldn’t look like such a fool for throwing myself at him.

I turn and wade toward the shore, the stones slippery beneath my feet and water sloshing behind me. I scoop up my robe and slippers, clutching them to my chest before Everett reaches his own discarded clothes.

Then I run. Away from him—away from everything—all because my heart has been stolen by a man who cannot keep it.

Everett calls my name, but I don’t slow down.

He could catch me if he wanted. His legs are more than long enough, and he doesn’t eat extra helpings of pie after every dinner. He doesn’t even like pie.

If I’d known that from the beginning, I would’ve realized the two of us would have never worked.

How can you trust a man who doesn’t like pie?

With my lungs blazing in my chest, I reach the back gate. Although I cannot see the guard, I can hear him shuffling around on the street. Dirt and grass cling to my feet as I climb the trellis, ignoring the scrape of thorns against my legs. The stinging doesn’t ebb as I scramble onto the roof and slip back into my room.

Nia sits up from where she’s curled on my bed, rubbing her eyes as she blinks at me.

“Kerris?” she whispers, her voice thick with sleep. “What’s wrong?” Her brow furrows as her gaze sweeps down my form. “Are you wet ?”

I pick up the flowers, vase and all, and throw them from my window. The sound of shattering glass explodes in the night. I hope the guard goes to investigate and cuts his feet to ribbons. I hope Everett is watching from the shadows and sees exactly what I’ve done with those infernal blooms that felt like they meant everything only to mean nothing now.

A gift as empty as all the others.

Once the window has been slammed shut and latched, I let myself crumble to pieces. Sobs wrack my body and tears flood my eyes, splashing into the puddle my soaked clothing leaves on the wooden planks. “H-he’s engaged.”

“Oh, Kerris.” Nia sinks onto the floor next to me, pulling me into her chest.

“You don’t want to do that. I’m s-soaked through.” She feels so warm and steady, I can’t bring myself to draw away.

“I don’t care about a little water.” Her arms tighten around me. “How did you find out?”

“We went to a lake. It was so romantic. I kissed him.” Replaying the joyous moment is like death by a thousand thorns. “It was the most beautiful kiss of my entire life.” I will dream of it for the rest of my days.

“The tongue?”

“The t-tongue.” I’d wanted Everett’s mouth to cover every inch of my body, to consume not only my mouth, but to also consume me. He’s not yours. He’s not yours. “Then he pulled away and told me he’s to be mated with someone else. W-what am I going to do?”

She runs a hand down my soaked hair, careful to avoid the many tangles. “You cry until you have no more tears, and then you dry yourself off and get some sleep.”

If I sleep, I’ll dream of him .

You made me want what I cannot have.

If only I’d told Everett from the beginning that if he wanted me, I was already his.