Page 21 of Follow the Rhythm (Fairview City Omegaverse #2)

“A sshole,” I whispered under my breath. Ellis passed out too quickly, and his breathing was too shallow. I couldn’t just leave him to choke on his own vomit. The nuns had made us watch a very graphic video on the topic, and the fear had never left me.

I found a blanket and settled into the chair across from the couch to make sure he didn’t die in his sleep. Of course, that would serve him right for being an insufferable pain in the ass.

I watched him, feeling like the world’s biggest creep. Where the hell was his stupid girlfriend, anyway?

The minutes passed slowly, and he didn’t die. He looked vacant in his sleep, not peaceful, his face totally slack and devoid of the spark that I was used to seeing.

What had happened to him? He had never been a partier in high school, even though he was always invited whenever someone managed to sneak in some alcohol. He would hang out with me instead, since I was usually not invited.

Was this just what happened to insanely successful musicians? I thought of Kieran. He didn’t drink or do anything fun at all, as far as I could tell.

There were still glimmers of the boy I loved, though, in those moments when we fell back into our old jokes. My Ellis was still in there, somewhere, and I wished I could have more time with him.

I drifted off at some point and woke up with a kink in my neck, more annoyed than ever. My one night off the fucking bus, and I’d spent it curled up in a chair. Charlie would pay for not getting me my own room.

Ellis was still sleeping deeply, but his breathing was more even. I got up and stretched. It was way too early, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. I went to my room to change into some leggings and headed out quietly to the hotel gym to force myself to do yoga.

I both hated and loved yoga. Right before I’d been sent to the Omega Center, when I was an inpatient at the hospital, exercise had been part of my depression treatment plan.

One of the options was a yoga class, and it was the only exercise that didn’t make me even angrier.

And sometimes, I even liked it a little.

The hotel gym was deserted at the early hour, so I didn’t feel self-conscious. I slowly worked out the stiffness in my joints and tried to center my mind.

I had always been terrible at meditating, but somehow I had gotten even worse. Now, when I closed my eyes, my mind was not just filled with the usual mess of self-pity and self-loathing, but also three annoyingly attractive Alphas.

I grunted in frustration and pushed myself out of savasana. I needed coffee.

At the coffee shop in the lobby, I annoyed myself even more by getting three lattes instead of just two for Grace and me.

When I got back to the room, Ellis was awake. He was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands, but he looked up when I entered. I kicked my shoes off at the door.

“Here,” I said, thrusting the coffee at him.

“Cheers,” he said, his voice gravelly.

He looked so sad that I sank into the chair I’d slept in instead of just leaving him to it. The coffee was good. Ellis took a sip and hummed in appreciation.

“Thanks for letting me crash here.” His hair was mussed from sleep, and it was strange to see him in his socks, like I was looking behind the curtain. “I’m sorry for waking you.”

“It’s fine. Just don’t do it again.”

Ellis smiled ironically. “No promises, darling.”

I rolled my eyes. “You shouldn’t call me that.”

Ellis nodded, looking serious. “I know. For what it’s worth, I do feel bad for how I left things between us. Even if I have a terrible way of showing it sometimes.”

It would have been smarter to just leave, to let the past lie, but I had to know. “Why did you do it? I kept trying to figure out what I’d done wrong for you to just disappear like that, like you didn’t even care at all. Was I too clingy or something?”

Ellis ran his hand through his hair, his eyes pleading. “No, Jess. You didn’t do anything wrong. I was an idiot. I wanted to be some better version of myself, not the boy obsessed with his high school crush. I have no excuses.”

My stupid heart flopped in excitement. His crush ? Was that what I’d been?

“I know it’s about a decade too late, and I don’t deserve it, but I hope you’ll accept my apology,” he finished.

“You really hurt me,” I said after a moment.

“I know. If it’s any consolation, I hurt myself, too. I wanted to reach out so many times, tell you about the movie I was watching or get your opinion on a new album. But then it just felt too late.”

I looked away to escape his intense gaze. “You know, Sister Georgie would tell me it was my Catholic duty to forgive you.”

His voice was gentle. “You don’t have to forgive me yet, darling. I’ll keep making it up to you.”

“Also, I want to make something very clear.” I glared at him and pointed my finger at his face. “I did NOT get this job to follow you around or ‘trap’ you. In fact, I almost didn’t take it because it hurt so much to be around you.”

Ellis raised his hands in mock surrender. “I’m sorry for my suspicion. I thought the universe bringing you back into my life was just too good to be true.”

I rolled my eyes, but my heart flopped again. “Don’t try to flatter me, Fox.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Moretti,” he replied.

“So, how do you feel this morning? Raging hangover?”

“I feel horrible, as I’m sure you’ll be delighted to hear. But then, that’s how I feel most mornings, to be fair.”

“You should probably call Bea. I’m sure she’s worried about you.”

He scoffed. “I doubt it. She threw me out last night.”

“Of course she did. Remind me why you’re together when you seem to hate each other?”

Ellis took another sip of coffee. “It’s easy.”

“Easy?” From what I’d seen, their relationship was anything but.

“I know what to expect with her. Even when it’s chaotic. We have a predictable kind of chaos that comforts me in times of trouble.”

I studied him. “And you love her, right?”

Ellis met my eyes again. “Love has never been part of our equation. Bea knows that.”

“That’s kind of sad.”

“Please don’t pity me, darling. My ego can’t take it,” he said with that fake, ironic smile. It dropped quickly off his face. “I’m very sorry about Natalie, too. I had no idea she’d passed away.”

I swallowed my sip of coffee too fast, taken off guard by the subject change. “Oh. Yeah. Thanks. It was a while ago now.”

“That doesn’t make it easier.” He watched me carefully. “What happened?”

“Cancer. The same as Mom,” I said simply, ripping off the bandaid. “She hung on for a little while, but it was… It was better when she went.”

Tears stung my eyes. I’d thought about having this conversation with him before, in my darkest days in the hospital.

In my fantasies, I’d imagined him comforting me like he had on the bad days when I didn’t want to get up or go to class.

But I’d also imagined screaming at him, and him begging for my forgiveness.

“I’m so sorry, Jess. I should have been there to say goodbye. She was such an amazing person, and I know how much she meant to you,” he said.

The old anger and hurt bubbled up. How could he sit there and say sorry, like that would fix a goddamn thing? “ You meant that much to me, too. At least my mom and aunt didn’t have a fucking choice. You just left me.”

Ellis’s eyes were shining. “Oh darling, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, you have to believe me.”

“That doesn’t fix it!” I yelled, slamming my fist against the arm of the chair. Tears were gathering at the back of my throat, like a fist clenching around my windpipe.

He nodded. “I know. But I’m still sorry.”

I tried to hold it in, but suddenly I was sobbing.

Ellis pulled the latte out of my hand and tugged me gently into his lap.

I fought him for just a moment, but his scent, even clouded by the smell of stale alcohol, was so familiar, and this was Ellis , who’d held me when I cried so many times before. I let him wrap his arms around me.

“Hush, darling, it’s okay,” he said into my hair as I cried into his shirt. He rubbed my back, and a purr started in his chest, soft and rattling.

I’d learned a lot of lessons about grief, but the biggest one was that the more I tried to shove it down, the more it shoved back.

And I'd been suppressing my grief over Ellis for almost ten years.

Now it felt like some invisible pressure valve inside me had finally popped open, and it all poured out.

I cried for my aunt, for my mom, and for myself.

I cried self-indulgent, big, ugly, messy tears, but Ellis just held me and purred.

Eventually, the storm passed as it always did, and my tears ran dry. Ellis’s purr slowly faded.

“I’m still mad at you,” I mumbled into his shirt, then wiped my face with a crumpled coffee shop napkin.

“I would expect nothing less. You were always excellent at holding a grudge. It’s one of your many talents.” He kissed the top of my head. “Better?”

“I think so.” I leaned off his chest. I was still sitting on his lap. He traced a finger down the side of my face, so soft it could have been my imagination. I was close enough to see the dark ring of indigo around his pupils, along with each striation of icy blue.

I didn’t know who moved first, but then his nose was sliding along mine, and our lips were just a breath apart. My heart kicked into high gear.

I could have closed the last gap between us. But I didn’t, and neither did he. And then all the reasons kissing him was a spectacularly dumb idea crowded into my head. I didn’t trust my weak heart with Ellis. I wouldn’t let him shatter me again.

I moved away and crawled out of his lap, racking my brain for the best way to defuse the tension that still thrummed between us.

“Sorry, I got snot all over your shirt,” I said finally, and that put us firmly back in safe territory. Ellis smiled with what I thought might have been relief.

“Ah, this shirt has seen much worse, darling. It was an honor to serve as your tissue,” he said with a mock salute.

I punched his shoulder softly. Sometime during my tears, or maybe the insane moment I’d almost kissed him, my anger had faded. He was still a narcissistic asshole, but the hurt had lessened. Maybe we could be friends after all.

“Will you be alright? I have to go deal with the consequences of my actions,” he said, looking grim.

“You could also use a shower.” I grimaced, pretending to wave away his stench. “You smell like a distillery.”

Ellis leaned closer to sniff at the side of my throat. I shivered uncontrollably at the tickle of his breath on my hair. “So could you, darling, or sweet Charlie might get jealous of my scent all over you.”

“Ha ha, very funny, now get out of here,” I said and used my bare feet to kick him off the couch. He stepped into his boots and pulled on his jacket.

“See you at soundcheck,” he called over his shoulder.

As I got ready to shower, I realized I felt lighter than I had in a long time.