Page 55 of Five Years

“Are you happy?” Leah blurted.

“I...I don’t know.” Ariana hesitated. “What about you? Are you happy, Leah?”

The question hit her harder than she expected. She needed time. Some parts of her life were happy, sure—but was she truly happy? It seemed they were both puzzled by the question.

“That depends,” Leah answered, buying herself time.

“On what?”

“On how you define happiness,” she shrugged.

“Okay, so based on whatyouthink happiness is—are you happy?” Ariana pressed.

“No, I don’t think I am.” Leah answered honestly, feeling tears prick her eyes. Not now.

Pull yourself together.

“That makes me sad,” Ariana whispered.

“Don’t pity me.” Leah rolled her eyes.

“I’m not, I just—”

“You just what?”

“There aren’t many things in this world I hope and pray for with all my heart, and I guess your happiness has always been one of them.”

“Is that how you justified leaving me?” Leah fired back. “You pray for my happiness because of guilt, Ari.”

“That’s not true.”

“If it’s not guilt, then what? You pity me because you broke my heart and know I’ve never gotten over it. So you tell yourself you want me to be happy, just so you can sleep at night?”

“Leah, that’s unfair—”

“Is it?”

“You know I want you to be happy, Leah, more than anything.”

“Why? Why do you care?”

“Because . . .”

“Because you feel guilty!” Leah finished.

“No, that’s not it!”

“Then what is it?” Leah pressed. This was her first real chance post-breakup to understand Ariana’s motives. After the dust, the tears, the pain, and the hatred, she saw clearly now—and she needed to know why.

“Because . . .I love you!” Ariana yelled.

“Loved,” Leah corrected.

Ariana gripped the steering wheel tightly. Her chest heaved; her breathing grew heavy. She was visibly distressed. Leah wanted to reach over and comfort her—it was instinct—but she didn’t.

She broke your heart.

Ariana shook her head, opening her mouth to speak, but no words came. Leah looked out the window, wanting honesty—what did she have to lose?