Page 73 of Five

Jesse stalks in and dumps the last of the dishes on the counter. “Yeah, Oz,” he scoffs. “And all poor Remi wanted was to be able to stay on the island after having to be evacuated to the mainland during Hurricane Irma.”

Oscar shrugs good-naturedly and raises his palms. “Hey, at least I knew what classed as an evacuation shelter and how to construct it.”

Jesse rolls his eyes. “Even if you did only use it as an excuse to check out the island.”

Ollie flicks a tea towel, hitting Jesse on the arm. “Got you the island haven you craved, didn’t it?”

“Yeah? Like you all weren’t sick of living in such close quarters with a bunch of jumpy military men, their smelly socks, and noxious farting.”

Oz shakes his head, a pained look of remembered horror on his face. “I had enough of that in the military, thanks, but I didn’t have a choice back then.”

I smile at the easy camaraderie, the teasing and mock sarcasm.

“And that’s just one of the many reasons we appreciate you, Remi,” Cope says as he walks back in and rinses out the dish cloth.

I shrug, feeling a little self-conscious. We never share this kind of shit. Maybe we’re all feeling a little off kilter. “You pay your way…more than,” I mumble.

Cope squeezes my shoulder and looks me in the eye, his normally joking nature gone as he solemnly directs my words back at me. “I owe you, bro…more than.”

“Yep, what’s that saying? Bros before hoes,” Jesse declares, raising his beer bottle in salute.

I see Oscar bristle and know it’s time to break this up before it gets out of hand. This is my role in life. Keep Oscar from killing Jesse. Keep Cope from killing himself. And make sure Oliver gets out of his writing cave and gets his daily dose of vitamin D. I’ve done all three today, and it’s time to call it a night.

“Go on, get out of here and clean yourselves up, now. I’ll finish off.” The guys look around, but we’re as good as done, and I don’t think any of them want to spoil the day with an argument.

A few minutes later I’m left alone with my thoughts, and they still aren’t sitting well with me. Maybe I should clean out the fridge.

What the hell is wrong with me? Things like this don’t normally affect me.

I’ve never begrudged my brothers anything. This is my island, and even though I made it private and closed the resort, turning the public away, I still shared it with them. I’ve never regretted that.

Never.

But sharing Neve, this evening? That left me far from fulfilled, and all we did was play a game. I can’t, not for one moment, imagine going five on one with her and the guys. Not as an active participant, anyway. It might be fun to watch.

But I was never against this PolyApp idea. What does that say about me?

I pick up a lone pot and throw it in the sink, causing sudsy water to slosh on the floor.

I can’t understand it. This isn’t me.

I’ve always been the laid-back guy, the one who goes with the flow. No need to cause waves; there are enough of those already.

It’s not that I don’t want Neve, I do. She affects me on a base level I never expected. I see that same desire reflected in my chosen family.

And that’s a real fucking torment.

Because right now? I’m not sure how I fit into this new ideal.

I finish setting the kitchen to rights, and head to the communal space to check everything, just as I do every night.

Tonight, though, I keep going, and find myself outside Neve’s door. I’m knocking before I even have time to think things through, to talk myself out of it.

Shit! What am I doing?

I’ll just check she’s okay after what happened out there. Make sure she has everything she needs. No need to make this into a big deal.

I pace two steps, then two steps back, dragging my fingers through my hair.