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CHAPTER EIGHT

FINN

T he plane trip was smooth and mostly silent. Niall was lost in his thoughts, no doubt worried and upset. He and I weren’t good at discussing feelings. He knew I was there, would offer any support I could, and that was enough for him.

The onboard staff stayed away, offering food and drink we accepted, although the food was mostly picked at.

The drinks, however, were replenished a few times.

I spent the flight checking emails, texts, checking in with Roman and getting told off for doing so.

For fuck’s sake, O’Reilly. It’s been 6 hours. What kind of catastrophe are you expecting in 6 hours? Look after your family. I have it in hand.

Somehow his message made me feel better.

I leaned my head back, thinking of what I had said to Una. Why I had said it. I hadn’t planned it. It simply came out.

But it was the truth. I was tired of pretending. Pretending she didn’t mean what she meant to me. Pretending that I was fine with being on the fringes of her life. Worrying constantly that one day I would see her with another man. One who didn’t deserve her—who would never treat her like the queen she was. She needed to be adored, cared for, protected. Lavished with gifts and love. Fucked on a regular basis and made love to other times. And both done by a man strong enough and clever enough to know the difference.

And the only man suitable for that job was me.

I recalled waking up in the hospital, Una hovering over me, pale, scared, and panicked. I was weak and in pain, barely able to talk. Niall was a constant shadow behind her, assuring me quietly the threat had been eliminated and that Una was safe. I was in and out of it for days, the loss of blood and the length of surgery taking its toll.

When the haze began to lift, Una was there. Helpful, careful, always encouraging.

And distant. She kept her emotions in check and stayed close enough to care, but not feel. She held herself back. I hated every second of it.

I was released a week later and settled into my condo, grateful to be among familiar things. Una busied herself in the kitchen as I spoke with Niall and some other key members of my team.

“Who?” I finally was able to ask, no longer worried about prying eyes or ears.

“Diego Cortez. His brother was killed when we clashed with his gang.”

“He was killing civilians for fun,” I snarled. “In my territory. Spreading his poisonous drugs.”

Oliver, one of my head soldiers, looked grim. “He liked bloodshed. The whole gang did.”

“How many men?”

“We lost two. Grant and Simon.”

I grimaced. Both were loyal. Grant was a bachelor but had a sister. Simon was older and widowed but had two grown kids.

“We’ve taken care of the families? The funerals?”

“Everything is handled.”

“Stupid fecker. His brother was a casualty of a war he started. I didn’t go gunning for him.” I rubbed my eyes, feeling weary. “But he came after Una.”

“And paid the price.” Niall looked fierce. “The gang no longer exists, except for a few low-level foot soldiers who shit their pants and ran like children. I made sure the word was out that if they returned, death would greet them.”

I nodded, feeling exhausted already but refusing to show weakness in front of my men. “Do we expect retaliation?”

“No,” Oliver replied. “Our locals are grateful they are gone. Business is picking up again, knowing the poison is off the streets.”

I leaned my head back, shutting my eyes for a moment. I hated drugs, and we didn’t deal in them. I especially hated low-grade drugs that killed. And the people who pushed them.

Like many of my generation, I dealt in high-end, nonviolent ways of making money. I left the rest to the street gangs—as long as they stayed out of my turf. Drugs were debilitating and I wasn’t stupid enough to think none were around, but I turned a blind eye at times, knowing it was better to be aware of what was happening in order to maintain control.

I sighed. “Keep your eyes and ears open. Let it be known I’m alive, well, and still running the territory. No weakness.”

Niall chuckled. “Trust me, the rumors are already out there.”

“Good or bad?”

“That you shot five men after being shot yourself. How you walked into the hospital and refused to wait for surgery, making the doc pull the bullet from your shoulder right there.”

I had to laugh. “No anesthetic?”

“None.”

“Sounds about right,” Una spoke up from the doorway. “Superman Finn.” She clapped her hands. “Enough. He needs his rest.”

All my men deferred to her, not a single one even glancing in my direction to make sure it was all right to leave. Niall stayed behind.

“Mum needs to hear your voice. She’s pretty upset.”

“Why’d you say anything?” I groaned.

He leaned close. “We didn’t know if you’d make it, Finn. I had to ease her into it, dammit.”

“I’ll call her tonight.”

“I told her you were on the mend and in good hands. She still needs to hear you.”

“Tonight,” I promised.

“Okay.”

Una brought me some soup, helping me eat it since my arm was still taped to my body. The bullet had gone in below the shoulder on the left side. Another few inches either way, I would have been dead. As it was, it damaged some muscles and tissue and had been a bitch to get out. The stitches pulled every time I moved, and it felt as if my shoulder and chest were on fire.

“Your doctor will be here tomorrow to check on your progress. You’ll start physio in a few days,” she said quietly.

“Good. Then we can put this behind us.”

She didn’t reply. I reached for her hand with my good one, frowning at how cold hers was.

“Una,” I said, waiting until she met my eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what you went through.”

“You almost died trying to protect me. Two men died.” She shook her head. “That is exactly why I didn’t want to be in your world, Finn.”

“I know.”

“I swore I would never get involved with a syndicate man. I believed you when you said it was different.”

“It is—usually. That was an anomaly, not the norm. I swear to God it was. He was a drugged-up hothead and made a stupid decision.”

“And next time, he might not miss.”

“I will never allow anything to happen to you.”

She slid from the bed, shaking her head. “Not me. You, Finn. If you had died protecting me, I would never forgive myself. I refuse to be your vulnerability. To be used against you.”

“Don’t, Una. Don’t say it.”

She sighed. “We both know it, Finn. I can’t stay. I won’t leave you until you’re on your feet, but I can’t stay. I need to be what we were before my father died.”

“Strangers?” I snapped. “That is impossible.”

She smiled, even as tears glistened in her eyes. “Polite acquaintances.”

“I can’t do that.”

“You have to. And you will.”

“What makes you so sure?”

She paused, a tear rolling down her cheek. “Because I’m asking you to do that for me.”

And she left the room, the silence deafening in its stillness.

Because she was right.

The pilot announced that we would be landing, pulling my thoughts back from the past.

From one loss to potentially another.

I wasn’t sure how I would handle this one.

I had never gotten over the other.

* * *

All hospitals smelled the same. Medicinal. Underlying bleach fumes covering the stench of decaying walls and illness. I hated them with a passion.

And knowing what was waiting for us made it even worse.

Roisin was a silent form under the blankets and machinery. Pale and waxen, she looked older than I had ever seen her appear. Vulnerable and small.

Niall sat beside her, taking her hand in his and pressing it to his forehead. I stood behind him, my hand on his shoulder as he wept.

Her specialist came in, and we spoke of results, prognoses, possibilities.

None of it good.

I arranged a room close to the hospital, and Niall and I agreed on a schedule so she would never be alone. I had a feeling getting either of us away from her bedside would prove fruitless, but in theory, it worked.

We sat in that dim room, forcing ourselves to talk. Speak to her. Hoping she knew we were there.

Our cousin Sullivan, ten years our senior and a barrister in Edinburgh, came when we called, looking somber and sad.

“Sully,” I greeted him with a handshake and a backslapping hug. “Good to see you, although I wish not under these circumstances.”

He hugged me back, staring over my shoulder at my aunt. “Jesus, I only saw her two weeks ago when I came to Dublin for the office. She was right as rain. Fussing over me, telling me I needed a wife and I worked too hard. She refused to let me take her to lunch and insisted on cooking a Sunday roast for us.”

“And no doubt sending you home with the leftovers.”

“Aye. I ate like a king for a week.” He wiped his eyes. “How’s Niall?”

“I finally got him to rest.” I snorted, shaking my head. “In the room across the way that was empty. The hotel room is sitting unused. Neither of us has been there.”

“Any change?”

“Well, she isn’t worse. She muttered a little yesterday and squeezed Niall’s hand, so we’re taking that as a good sign.”

“Go get a coffee or take a walk. I’ll sit with her, man. You look like death warmed over.” He lifted one shoulder. “Pardon the expression.”

“I’ll take you up on that. I’ll only be gone a short while. I have my phone with me, and Niall will be back in a minute. I heard his alarm go.”

He nodded. “Off with you.”

The fresh air felt good on my face, and I inhaled it deeply, ridding my lungs of the scents of the hospital. I walked the block, needed to feel the stretch in my legs and arms as I swung them. I got a coffee and bun from a local shop and sat on the bench outside, checking my phone. I saw a missed call from Roman, and I returned it, waiting until he picked up.

“Costas.”

“It’s Finn.”

“How are things?”

“About the same. My cousin arrived, so I’m out on a walk to clear my head. Is there a problem?”

He paused. “Not sure if you’ll think it’s a problem or a solution.”

“That sounds ominous.”

“Brian Murphy.”

I shut my eyes. “What now?”

“He picked a fight with one of the crew. It took Oliver and me to pull him off. He was high, Finn. Out of his mind on something.”

“Fuck,” I muttered. I had a zero tolerance for drugs. “When did he start on that shit?”

“You mentioned he seemed off. Oliver noticed his behavior too.” He sighed. “He mouthed off, disrespectful and belligerent. Then basically told us to fuck off—he was done. He had a lot of anger in his departing words.”

“You let him walk?”

“I had no idea on your policy for crew. I didn’t run mine the way the elders did.”

I knew what he meant. There was no retirement package in the old days unless you left in a box. Now, we handled things differently, but I had never had anyone leave this way. A few who wanted something different were allowed to go and relocate, but I still had their loyalty. I’d never had Brian’s. I never would.

“I’ll deal with him when I return. Make sure he has zero access.”

“Everything—passcodes, locks, security, anything he might have known, has been changed. He was checked before he left the building, and he walked with nothing.”

“Have you told Una?”

“No. I was waiting for your direction.”

“I’ll let her know. She might already have heard since he’d run to her first with a cover story.”

“Ah. It’s like that, is it?”

“She protects him. Always has.”

“I know a bit about that. Effie had a sister…” He cleared his throat. “It didn’t end well.”

I scrubbed my face. “Hmm. Watch over her carefully.”

“Will do. If it’s any comfort, no one is upset he is gone. Apparently his attitude has been bad, and he’s not missed.”

I ran a hand through my hair as I stared at the busy street around me. “I won’t miss dealing with him. I did my duty to Jim,” I confessed. I stood. “I’m heading back to the hospital. I’ll check in again in a couple of days.”

“Right.” He hung up.

I sighed as I headed back to the small gray building. I probably would have handled it the same way as Roman. I wouldn’t kill Brian, although he would probably have been taught a lesson for the disrespect. I wondered what he would tell Una or how she would react when I called her.

I reached the hospital, putting it out of my mind. I had more important things to think on now.

* * *

Roisin opened her eyes that evening. She was confused, weak, and could barely speak, but it was a step in the right direction. The next morning, she was brighter, actually smiling, her color better. I hoped we were over the worst of it and that she would continue to improve. I sat beside her after sending Niall to the hotel for a shower and some much-needed sleep. I stroked her hand, smiling as she clucked her tongue at me, her voice tremulous and raw. Her speech pattern was slow and she hesitated over her words, but the doctor hoped with therapy and time she would recover.

“You need rest too.”

“Hush, Aunt. I’m fine.”

“I have…a different opinion…on that.”

I rolled my eyes. “I wouldn’t be so lippy. You’re the one lying in the hospital.” I picked up her hand and kissed the knuckles. “If you wanted a visit so bad, you only had to ask.”

She huffed and was quiet for a moment. “How’s that…redheaded beauty of yours?”

I frowned. “Not mine.”

She huffed again. “Still on that…nonsense, are we?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Your generation makes it…complicated,” she mumbled.

“Is that so?” I replied with a smile. Even though she could barely keep her eyes open and her speech was slow, Roisin was determined to tell me off.

“If you love her, tell her.”

“She knows.”

“Then…what’s the problem?”

My aunt knew what I did. Who I was. She had lived through it herself and didn’t shy away from the truth.

“My world.”

She attempted to roll her eyes, but since they were half shut, it didn’t really have the proper effect.

“Go to sleep, Aunt. Stop meddling.”

She squeezed my fingers after a fashion and, with a sigh, fell asleep.

I quietly rose from the uncomfortable chair and walked to the window. It was an overcast gray day. I glanced at my watch, knowing Una would be home, getting ready to head to the hotel later for her performance.

I dialed her number, simply the sound of her soft hello easing something in me.

“Una,” I murmured.

“Oh, Finn. How is she?”

“Awake. Weak. Stubborn as hell.”

“You sound exhausted.”

“I am,” I admitted. It was something I would only tell her. “Shattered.”

“You need to rest.”

“I have to look after Niall. Roisin.”

“Who is looking after you?”

“This call has helped.” I leaned my head on the glass. “I miss you, mo chroí .”

“Oh, Finn,” she whispered again.

I’d planned to tell her about Brian, but I couldn’t. This call was about her. Me. Us. I didn’t want him in the middle yet again. I would call her tomorrow while I was alone.

For a moment, the line was silent, then she spoke again.

“Are you still done?”

“Done and over.”

“Okay, then.”

“Sing for me tonight.”

“I will.”

“Is ceol mo chroí thú,” I murmured. Music of my heart. She always would be.

I hung up.

* * *

UNA

I hated that Finn was gone. And I hated the fact that I hated it even more. The hotel seemed dimmer, and somehow knowing he wasn’t checking on me occasionally made me feel oddly vulnerable.

He sounded so lost and alone on his call. A weakness I knew he would only allow me to see. I wished I could hold him. Let him rely on me for strength for a change.

I was tired of fighting my feelings. Fighting him. I hated his job, but I loved the man. He had been nothing but patient. Loving. Kind. Doing everything in his power to ensure my happiness, even as I kept him at arm’s length. His words, his powerful statements, rolled through my mind as I dressed.

“I’m half dead without you.”

“I’m done being patient.”

Not once, even the day I’d walked away from him, had he ever shown me anything but love. Understanding. And the bottom line was that I had accepted all his gestures, knowing deep in my heart why he was making them. Ever hopeful I would return to him. Waiting, his emotions on hold for me to grow up and realize that what I wanted was right in front of me.

That, between us, if I listened to him and we worked together, we would figure out our future.

I wiped away my tears. He was too far away for me to tell him. To apologize. To beg his forgiveness and let his love surround me. I had made him wait for so long, and I didn’t want him to wait anymore.

I knew in that moment I needed him as much as he needed me. I was his light, and he was the dark I was drawn to, because with him, I was safe.

The songs I chose that night were deep and sorrowful, the pain I was feeling bleeding through the notes my voice carried into the room. Roman Costas showed up at my dressing room door after the first show, looking concerned.

I was surprised to see him but allowed him entrance.

“Is there a problem?”

He frowned. “That’s what I’m here to find out. You sounded very emotional. You made my wife weep as you sang. Vi even got emotional, and that’s rare. Are you all right?”

“I’m fine.”

He crossed his arms. “Miss Murphy, I was left with three very strict instructions from Finn. Take care of his casino. Make sure his territory remained peaceful in his absence, and above all, be certain Una Murphy was safe, protected, and happy. If I have to tell him you’re upset and despondent while under my watch, things aren’t going to go well for me.”

I waved him off. “Finn called and he was upset. I wish I were there.”

He studied me for a moment, then nodded as if making a decision.

“Would you join my wife and me for a drink before your next set? She would like to meet you, and I think you would like her. She is a ray of light in my life, maybe she can brighten yours today.”

Somehow I knew he wouldn’t take no for an answer, so I agreed. He excused himself, his phone pressed to his ear, and I took a moment to compose myself.

Then I joined Roman and his wife, Effie, for a drink. His right hand, Aldo, was present with his wife, Vi. She and Effie were obviously close although they were two exact opposites. Effie was petite, with long, dark hair and stunning blue eyes. She spoke quietly, but her smile could fill a room with light. She was kind and effusive, and her love for Roman was obvious. He, in turn, looked at her as if she was his entire world.

Vi was tall. She towered over me, and she had short hair that hugged her head and gleamed under the lights. She was funny and droll. Laughed loudly, teased Aldo and Roman. She praised my voice, informing Roman he should have me come to Niagara and give a special performance.

“She would pack the house!”

I smiled and waved off her praise. “I’m happy here.”

The others started bickering and teasing, but Effie leaned close, her voice a pleasant hum. “You don’t seem happy tonight, if I may be so bold. Roman told me your Finn is away, dealing with family issues. You are missing him?”

I bit my lip, unsure of what to say. But her blue eyes were kind and patient. Friendly.

I nodded. “He is, and I hate the fact that I’m here and he’s there. That I can’t do anything for him.” I rubbed my hands together. “Not that I could do much.”

“Your presence would be a great comfort to him, I’m sure.”

I blinked. She smiled in encouragement. “There are ways to get there quickly.” She indicated her husband with a tilt of her head. “And people who would ensure it happened.”

“I’m not sure I have that right.”

She patted my hand. “From what Roman tells me, you do. You would be welcomed and loved even more for it. You have only to ask.”

I glanced at Roman just as he turned his head, meeting my eyes. He studied me for a moment.

“Say the word, and I’ll handle it.”

I drew in a bracing breath, knowing what I needed to do. “I need to get to Finn.”

“A car is waiting. I’ll announce your next set has been canceled.”

“My passport is at home.”

“You can go there, pack quickly, and still be at the airport in time.”

I frowned. “You already arranged it?”

“As soon as I heard your first song and after speaking with Finn earlier, I knew it needed to happen.” He smiled at his wife with affection. “Effie encouraged it.”

“Thank you.”

He inclined his head. “Go. He needs you.”

* * *

I stared up at the gray building, weariness making my eyes blurry. Roman had taken care of everything. The car he had waiting took me home, and I threw a few things into a bag, left a note on my neighbor’s door asking her to water my plants, grabbed my passport, and was back in the car in twenty minutes. I was whisked right to a private plane, and before I could really comprehend what was happening, I was airborne. I dozed and read, the hours passing swiftly.

Another car waited for me at the airport, taking me to the hospital once I spoke with the customs person who came on board. Roman sent me a text with Roisin’s room number, and I headed up to the sixth floor. Outside her room, I looked around, but no one was there so I opened the door and peeked in. A pair of blue eyes so like Finn’s peered at me from the bed, and the woman’s face broke into a smile. One side of her face still drooped a little so it was crooked, but it was warm.

“Come in, Una.”

I had met Roisin more than once. She had always seemed larger-than-life, but in the hospital bed, she was small and frail-looking. She still had oxygen being pumped into her via cannulas, and an IV was attached to her left arm. Finn had told me there were some issues with movement on her right side, and I could see it on her face and the way her mouth moved. They hoped it would improve.

I tiptoed forward, shocked to see the room empty. I set down my case and went over to the bed where she beckoned. Leaning down, I pressed a kiss to her soft cheek.

“He’ll be so glad…you came,” she murmured.

“Where is everyone?”

She swallowed. “Niall and Sully are out finding me a good cup of tea—” she inhaled and paused “—and a biscuit. We finally convinced Finn to nap. He’s—” she pointed to the door “—across the hall.”

“Oh.” I was pleased to see her speech was better. Slow and hesitant at times, but fairly clear.

She grimaced. “I need them to stop hovering.” Another sigh. “Every time I open my eyes, one of them is staring at me, waiting for me to take my last breath.”

It took her a moment to get the words out, but her tone was quite scornful. I bit my lip to stop my laughter. “They love you.”

“I’m well aware. They are all too big and too explosive—” she waved her hand “—to be cooped up in this room. They’re supposed to take turns, and they all refuse to leave.” I handed her the cup she indicated, and she took a sip of water. “The only way I got a moment’s peace was the nurse telling them she needed to bathe me. They went searching for my tea.” She winked. “I already had a sponge bath this morning.”

“I see.”

The door opened, and a tall man walked in. He was as broad as Niall and Finn and just as handsome, although older. His hair was salt-and-pepper, cut short on the sides and longer on top. He had a trimmed beard and mustache that set off full lips. He had the same air of danger around him as Finn and Niall carried, confidence making his shoulders straight and his walk a smooth swagger. He frowned, almost growling.

“And who are you?”

“Oh, ah…”

Roisin interrupted. “Mind your manners. This is Finn’s girl.”

He looked surprised. “I wasn’t aware he had one.”

Roisin shook her head. “Do you men ever talk? Really talk?”

He set down a steaming cup and a small bag. “If you mean braid each other’s hair and wax on about feelings, only on Wednesdays.” He smirked. “We missed it last week, thanks to you, woman.”

He turned to me, taking my hand. “Sullivan Black at your service. Finn is a lucky man. You are ravishing.”

I frowned. “You’re full of it, aren’t you?”

He chuckled. “Witty, too, I see.”

Niall walked in, shocked to see me. He recovered, allowing me to hug him. “He’ll be pleased to see you.”

“Where is he?” I asked, feeling anxious.

He opened the door, escorting me across the hall. “Here.” He put his hand on my arm, pausing. “Tell me you’ve come to your senses, Una. That you’re not going to hurt him again.”

“I don’t want to.”

He drew in a deep breath. “You’re a smart girl, so I have never understood your decision. He would die rather than see you hurt.”

“I don’t want that to be on my conscience.”

He huffed a low laugh. “First off, it’s his decision. And second, do you think that you walking away has changed that?” He made a clucking noise. “You are either blind, or I gave you too much credit.”

“I was too afraid to make that choice.”

“If you needed him, he would burn down the city to get to you. Don’t you realize you are safer with him than without?”

“I don’t want to be a distraction.”

He leaned close. “Open your eyes, Una. He’s safer when you are with him. Less distracted. More focused because he knows you’re okay.”

I stared at him. “I never thought… I didn’t know?—”

He cut me off. “Now you do.”

“I love him,” I whispered.

“Then tell him. He needs you, Una. He always has.”

“I need him too.”

He opened the door. “Go get him.”