Page 28

Chapter 28

Ava

I can’t seem to sit still.

And I can’t seem to be calm.

All I can think about is how Marcus could hurt my Alphas. And then there’s the fact that I’m calling them ‘my Alphas.’ I know that we haven’t bonded yet, that we’re still in the early stages of courtship, but no matter what happens, I don’t want Marcus to hurt them.

I don’t want him to hurt anyone, especially not because of me—and especially not these four men.

They took me in and kept me safe. They’re courting me with so much gentle affection and care. They make me feel safe and valued.

These are good men, damn it, and they’re trying to do good work with their company. Specifically, good work for Omegas. And this is what happens as a reward for all of their kindness and good deeds? An asshole abusive Alpha trying to punish them for it?

Marcus isn’t even really trying to punish them so much as he’s trying to punish me. This is my fault. He wouldn’t be coming after them so hard if it wasn’t for me.

It’s my fault, and I don’t know what to do to fix it.

There doesn’t seem to be anything to do. I’m completely helpless.

I’m desperate to feel control over something, and I can’t seem to stop being irritated by everything. I’m hungry but I don’t know what I want to eat. The bedroom isn’t right, and nothing can satisfy me. The position of the pillows can’t even seem to be comfortable.

Honestly, it feels kind of like I’m going insane. I keep reminding myself that this is because of all the hormonal changes in my body, that I’m just dealing with a lot right now. But even if I repeat that logical mantra all day long, it doesn’t stop or change how I’m feeling.

I can’t seem to get comfortable, no matter what I do. And maybe it is irrational, but at the same time, I feel like it’s not. I have a reason to be upset and anxious with Marcus coming after my Alphas and me like this.

I’m still trying to rearrange my room when Dante enters.

“Hey, do you want some lunch?” His voice is soft, which for some reason only irks me more.

“No, I’m fine.”

“When was the last time you ate?”

I roll my eyes as I fluff pillows. “Doesn’t matter. I’m not hungry.”

“Spoken by someone who hasn’t eaten in far too long. Come on, I’ve made…”

“I’m not made of glass,” I blurt, whirling around. “You can stop talking to me like that.”

Dante blinks at me in surprise. His face flashes with emotions that are going by too quickly for me to identify, and then he settles into a neutral expression.

“No, you’re not made of glass, baby girl. As a matter of fact, you’re one of the strongest and most courageous people I’ve ever met.”

“You don’t have to placate me,” I mutter, rubbing at my chest. Something inside me just feels… off , and I can’t seem to fix it. I feel like crying, and I don’t even know why.

A crease appears between Dante’s eyes, his dark gray eyes scanning me as if he’s trying to figure out what to say that won’t set me off. I wish I could tell him, but since I don’t even know what’s got me so agitated, I have no idea what would make the feeling go away.

“I don’t need any food,” I say tightly. “I’ll come down later and eat something. You can just go.”

I turn away before he can see the tears threatening in my eyes, holding myself stiffly. I can feel his presence lingering in the doorway for a long moment, and then his soft voice reaches my ears.

“All right. Come down whenever you’re ready.”

He leaves, closing the door behind him, and I press the heels of my hands to my eyes.

God, Ava, what is wrong with you?

I go back to trying to arrange my room in just the right way, moving pillows around, fluffing things out, fixing blankets—but nothing is working.

My chest aches, and I can feel myself spiraling into a full-blown breakdown, but I feel powerless to stop it. I don’t understand this. I lived on my own for years before I met these alphas. I lived in a crappy little apartment without any of these expensive, luxurious amenities. So why am I falling to pieces over not being able to get this room set up right?

Part of me wants to open the door and call for Dante, to beg him to come back. But what could he do? He can’t fix this. He can’t fix me .

Maybe I’m broken. I spent so many years suppressing my Omega side, and maybe this is the result. Is something inside me permanently damaged from messing with my hormones for so long?

Feeling more and more miserable, I finally give up on trying to rearrange things for the millionth time and crawl into bed, slipping under the covers and pulling them over my head. I curl up into a ball, wrapping my arms around myself like I’m trying to keep myself from flying apart into pieces.

I don’t know how much time passes. My mind is racing so fast that it’s hard to gauge the actual passing of seconds and minutes, anxiety rising inside me as I imagine dozens of different scenarios in which everything falls apart. In which the Alphas realize I’m not a good enough Omega for them. In which I try to go back to my old life, only to realize it no longer fits me, like an old outfit I’ve outgrown.

What if I lose it all?

What would I do then?

A warm scent fills my nose, but I’m so lost in my thoughts that it takes me a moment to register it. Tears are falling down my cheeks, and as I sniffle, the scent grows stronger. It’s a mix of dark chocolate, hazelnuts, caramel, and something I can’t identify, but that somehow evokes a feeling of understanding.

“Oh, Ava.” Caleb burrows under the covers with me and pulls me into his chest, curling around me and cuddling me like he’s trying to shield me from the world.

I sob into his chest, something settling in my chest as I inhale his scent and feel his strong arms around me. I try to speak, to explain myself and how fucked up I feel, but I can’t get the words out.

“Shh.” Caleb rubs my back. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you. I know, sweetheart, I know.”

I feel, when he says that, that he really does know. That he can see into my mind and knows exactly what I’m so upset about, what I’m so afraid of.

Caleb holds me in his lap and gently brings us up to sitting, letting the blankets fall away so I can see into the room again. Garrett is standing behind Ethan, who’s crouched next to the mattress, both men staring at me in deep concern.

“Oh, gorgeous, it’s okay.” Ethan strokes my hair and leans in so that I can tuck my face into his neck and get his scent. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” I whisper, then shake my head. “I snapped at Dante, and then he left, and I… I…”

I don’t know how to explain that I’m worried I pushed him away and that he’ll never want to come back. That I’m afraid he’ll get sick of my wild mood swings and decide he and his pack would be better off without me.

“Shit,” Ethan mutters. He cranes his neck to look at Garrett over my head. “Get Dante. Right now. She needs him.”

Garrett turns on his heel and leaves immediately, the sound of his footsteps disappearing down the hall. Less than a minute later, he returns, and Dante is with him this time.

The second the pack leader gets a look at my face, his own features crumple into an expression of raw pain.

“Baby girl,” he breathes. “I didn’t know. Fuck, I should never have left you alone.”

“It wasn’t you. It was me.” Tears blur my vision, and I give another little shake of my head. I’m the one who told him to leave. I’m the one who pushed him away.

Fuck. I’ve been alone so long, it’s like I don’t know how to be any other way. Is it too late for me to learn to let people in? To trust?

A little sob spills from my lips at the thought, and Dante winces at the sound.

“Fix it,” Garrett tells Dante quietly, so low that I don’t think he means for me to hear.

Determination fills Dante’s face, and he steps past Garrett and comes over to me.

“Ava…”

His voice is warm and concerned, and he sits on the bed next to Caleb, who transfers me to him. Dante pulls me in, tucking my face into his neck so that I can scent him and smell for myself how much like home he is. I can’t detect any trace of anger or negative emotion in his scent. Just concern.

“It’s not your fault, baby girl,” he whispers.

“Yes, it is,” I insist through my tears. “I’m the one who was being so unreasonable. Why did I tell you to go when I just wanted you to stay? When I just needed… needed…”

“Because you were scared.” He purrs, rocking me slightly. “And sometimes we don’t ask for what we need when we’re scared. I meant what I said before. You are strong, Ava. I hope you know that none of us ever doubt that. But you had to be so strong all by yourself for so long—and you don’t have to do that anymore. It’s okay to ask for help when you need it.”

Dante keeps purring and stroking my hair, and I slowly melt against his body, letting him take all my weight. Giving myself over to the reassuring feeling of being held in his arms.

“Thank you,” I whisper. “I’m sorry if I’m a lot to handle sometimes. I’m still learning how to… how to do all of this. Sometimes I get scared of how much I need you all. Not because it feels bad to lean on you, but because it makes me scared that I wouldn’t know how to function without you if I lost you.”

“You won’t lose us,” he says gruffly. “Ever. There’s nothing you could do to make us want you less. I promise you that.”

His voice rumbles in his chest, vibrating through me, and I wipe at my eyes as the messy knot of emotions in my chest slowly begins to untangle.

“We just want to do what’s right for you,” Ethan adds quietly. “This is our first time taking care of an Omega, so there might be a learning curve as we figure out what you need.”

“But never think that we don’t want you,” Dante murmurs. “We always want you. All we want is to be near you.”

Now that they’re all around me, Dante’s scent the strongest, I can feel that sensation of safety and home settling into my bones again. My wildly swinging emotions feel more settled, and it’s easier to see that all of my fears were based on my emotions, the rollercoaster that’s in my head right now, not reality.

None of them say anything more, the other three sitting close around us while Dante purrs and rocks me. My tears slowly die away and my breathing evens out as time passes, and I continue to be held. None of them complain or say anything. They just keep holding me and keeping me safe.

My hand presses lightly against Dante’s chest, his heartbeat a heavy thud beneath my palm. As I listen to it, I realize that even though it’s terrifying to allow these Alphas to see so much of me, to allow them past the defenses I’ve kept up for years, there’s something amazing about it too.

If I give them my heart, I’ll be giving them the power to hurt me. But I’ll also be giving them the chance to love me in a way I’ve never been loved before in my life.

And as scary as it is, I think I want to take that risk.