Page 11 of Finding Tane (Foggy Basin Season Two)

Tane

A ndrew had found a little short term rental a few miles out of town. We sat down and discussed terms.

Well, more accurately, we fought.

He wanted me to fulfil my contract, release the next album, and probably one more. I had concerts booked, he wanted me to do those. He wanted me to wait to make any kind of decision. He wanted me to come back to L.A.

But the more I thought about any of that stuff, the more I wanted to just quit it all.

“You should never give up on your dreams, though.” Andrew shook his head like I was talking nonsense.

I sat back, considering. I’d grown up on messages like that too.

“Okay, but what if the dream isn’t what I thought it’d be?”

“What’s bugging you? Can we make it easier? You want more time between concerts, we can make that happen — it’ll cost us more but we’ll work something out. Maybe you could do more low-key appearances, smaller venues?”

After a few hours of this, my head was pounding. I was on the verge of a realisation, so I excused myself to go outside and breathe the fresh air. Country air.

L.A. was anathema to me, now. The smell of the smog, the heat, the people with their fake tans and filler in their cheeks and protein shakes and telling you they love you when it’s all just a facade to get themselves ahead?

I needed something real, at least for a while. If I was going to make music again it wouldn’t be the same as it was before. It would come from my heart. Maybe it would be outside my usual genre, and that’s fine. Maybe it was time for Whetu to retire, so I could just be Tane.

And I knew exactly who I wanted to be Tane with, and where.

I went back inside.

“How much would I have to pay, if I canceled my contract?”

Andrew’s mouth disappeared into a thin line of anger. “Don’t be hasty, now.”

“I’m not being hasty.” I shook my head. “I want out. I know I’ll be disappointing fans, I’ll post on socials and explain myself. But I can’t do it again. I don’t have another Whetu album in me. I’m retiring.”

“Tane, please—”

I picked up my jacket and my keys, pleased I’d driven us there in my rental so I could leave again. “I’m out, Andrew. I’ll get in touch with my lawyer, I’ll pay out what I owe, but please don’t make this more difficult. I’ll go to court if I have to.”

I went out to the car, Andrew climbed in on the passenger side. “Tane, no, listen to me, you have to reconsider.”

He tried to talk me out of it all the way back to Foggy Basin. I turned the music up.

It was getting close to six by the time we rolled back into town. It had been a long day and I was worn out, but also kind of exhilarated. I knew what I wanted, I knew what I wanted my future to be.

I pulled up outside Foggy Basin Grocer’s to see Christian locking the door.

I wound down the window. “Hey, Christian, is Dillon around?”

Christian squinted at me and shook his head. “Nah, he had a family emergency, he’s been gone all afternoon with Ivy.”

My stomach swooped. Was Ivy okay? Had something happened with their parents?

I went to check my phone and saw a few missed messages from Dillon. He was asking if I was okay.

My shoulders released some tension.

I called him.

“Hello, Tane?” He answered on the third ring. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Are you?”

“Yeah.” Someone said something in the background and Dillon said faintly. “He’s okay. I’m just chilling out with my brother.”

“Your brother?”

“Yeah, Ivy came out to me. We’re brainstorming names. You should join us.”

“I’d love to. You got dinner? I could pick up some tacos from that place, Garcias?”

“Perfect. See you soon.”

I drove to the motel and parked up.

Andrew was making disbelieving scoffing noises. “You’re just going to have tacos with that guy?”

“Yes, Andrew. And you should head back to L.A.” I got out and went to the taco truck, ordering up way more burritos and tacos than the three of us would need. Andrew followed me.

“Tane, I’m not just giving up on you, on this, you have a massive talent and I won’t let you just throw it all away.”

The taco truck guy gave him a disbelieving look. I shook my head and put my hand on his shoulder.

“Andrew. I’m letting you go, I’m quitting music, I’m done. There’s nothing more to it. I’ll call my lawyer first thing in the morning.”

Andrew pulled away from my hand and swore. He pulled out his phone and made some calls.

Dillon drove up in a beat up old station wagon. He grinned wide at me. “Thought you might want some help carrying everything.”

I hugged him tight, more grateful than I would have guessed to see him. To feel how sturdy he felt in my arms.

Dillon hugged me back just as hard and I thought I could feel him trembling a little.

When we finally let go he nodded at Andrew. “What’s going on?”

“I’ve told him to get lost,” I said. “I’m quitting music, for the moment anyway.”

Dillon’s eyes widened. “You are?”

“Yeah. It’s time to face facts. I’m burned out, plain and simple. I need down time.”

“Good for you.”

We both regarded Andrew, who was spitting curses into the phone, and looking more and more angry. Finally he slammed his phone into his pocket and came over, stomping his feet like a child having a tantrum.

“Your contract is iron-clad, Tane. You’re coming back with me and you’re finishing that album.”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be stupid, you can’t force me to do anything.”

“I can and I will. I’ll do that thing, what happened to Britney? You’re obviously not stable and can’t be trusted to make your own decisions. Get in the car. You owe me that album, I’m relying on the royalties from it.”

He went to grab my arm.

I was gaping, disbelieving what he’d said. He couldn’t mean that, it was absolutely ludicrous.

Dillon intercepted, putting himself between Andrew and me. “Back off, Hollywood.”

Andrew spat on the ground. “Who the hell do you think you are, farm boy? Tane’s a star, and I made him that way. You have no idea what you’re getting into with him. Don’t piss me off, or I’ll...”

Dillon squared up, suddenly all broad shoulders and buff chest. His voice dropped low. “Or you’ll what?”

Andrew took a step back. “Whatever. You better have a good lawyer, because I’m going to do everything I can to screw you over, Tane!”

“Just go, Andrew. You’re fired. I’m contesting the contract, and you’ll hear from my lawyer first thing in the morning.” I was heartsick and tired. This was all so over-dramatic. So deeply stupid . I wanted him gone and I never wanted to see him again.

Andrew looked Dillon over.

Dillon took a step forward and Andrew backed up to his rental car. “You’ll regret this!”

“I already regret ever hiring you.” I turned my back on him and rolled my eyes at the taco truck guy.

Andrew’s rental took off with a wheel spin and way too much acceleration. I could hear him shouting something out the window but I couldn’t make it out.

Something loosened in my chest. Andrew Lane driving away felt like the end of the chapter. Well, I knew I’d still have to deal with him, so not exactly the end. The start of the end, maybe. There might be a song in that.

Making him give up on me had been difficult and now that it was done I was pleased, but a little disappointed as well. It had only taken a few hours really, to get him to give up. Wasn’t I worth fighting for, a little longer at least?

It was for the best, and he’d been an asshole, but something inside still hurt. I wished he’d been a better person, maybe.

Dillon watched him go then slipped an arm around my shoulders. “That guy’s a piece of work.”

I leaned into him, borrowing some of his surety and his strength.

“Yeah. I mean, I kinda knew that but a lot of agents, they tell you what they want to hear. You don’t get to see the asshole until it’s too late.” I leaned into Dillon. “Thank you. For standing up for me.”

“No one should ever treat you that way. You deserve something better.”

I kissed him lightly, more of a thanks than anything else. “Thank you. I think I understand that now.”

He gave me a bear hug and I relaxed against him, smelling his scent, woody mixed with fresh flowers.

“I want to stay with you, if that’s okay?” I mumbled.

Dillon squeezed me. “I’d like nothing more than that.”

We kissed again, slow and dreamy, relaxing into each other.

“Order up!” The taco truck guy broke the spell and we laughed, pulling apart.

We collected the food and Dillon drove us back to his place, all of three minutes in the car.

“So Ivy’s okay?” I asked, before we got out of the car.

“Yeah. I guess he was really worried about how I’d take it, how our parents will, but we had a really good afternoon. He bought so many flannel shirts, you won’t believe.” Dillon laughed. “I love him so much.”

We went upstairs together.

Dillon

Over the next few days Tane was distracted, calling his lawyer and dealing with his contract negotiations. I went to work and left him to it, and when I came home at the end of the day he’d be trying to prepare something for dinner.

Ivy chose the name Aster, so Tane and I used it for him as much as possible.

Aster and Tane got on like a house on fire, which was a relief. Since the day we’d gone shopping, Aster had been going out in men’s clothes, and had hacked off all his hair. He was shy, but looked great.

Back at the shop the sales were still confounding me. The Korean ingredients I’d ordered weren’t moving. It was like everyone in town was afraid of them or something.

I’d tried calling my folks but they seemed to be out of service range.

When I tried to work out what to do, I came up with a blank. My mind just glassed over with nothingness.

Then there was Tane. He’d moved all his stuff in from the motel, it was just ridiculous to be paying for it when he could stay with me for free, after all. But he was so busy with everything going on in his career I didn’t know where he and I stood.

He’d been sleeping in my bed, but we’d barely done more than hold hands. He passed out so quickly at night, and I didn’t want to bother him further with questions like ‘what are we?’

I was afraid I’d scare him off.

I got home at the end of an average Friday and flopped down on the couch.

“What’s up, bro?” Aster glanced over at me. He was playing some weird botany game on the Switch.

“I’m struggling.”

Tane came into the lounge and crashed down beside me, his knee bumping mine. “Struggling how?”

“The shop.” I pressed the palms of my hands onto my eyes, trying to blot out the world.

The static in my head was growing, drowning out words, drowning out what I needed to communicate.

I could feel my hands were shaking. I was on the verge of some kind of outburst. I had no idea if it was going to be crying or screaming, but something was welling up in me.

The room went silent. The couch cushions shifted.

“Is it okay if I touch you, right now?” Tane’s voice was low, careful. Like he was afraid of spooking me. I appreciated it.

I nodded, but I wasn’t really sure. Sometimes when I got like this I needed to be alone, with no one touching me.

Gently, he splayed his big hand over my back and pressed gently, rubbing small circles with his fingertips.

Aster moved about the room. I could hear his footsteps, and the sound of his game turned all the way down, then off.

I swallowed, trying to remember how to ground myself.

Tane’s fingers. I could feel those. Pressing the soles of my feet into the floor, I concentrated on that gentle pressure.

Then breathing. Slow in and out, in and out.

Tane started to sing, something low, and gentle and beautiful. Another song in Māori, as I didn’t understand the words. But it stirred something warm inside of me. Something that chased away a little of the static, and gave me something to hold onto.

A few breaths later, I was able to straighten up and drop my hands from my face. The overwhelm wasn’t entirely gone, I’d need to sleep and take some time in silence to really get rid of it, but for the moment, I could cope.

“Welcome back.” I looked at Tane, half-expecting to see judgement there, even though he’d been nothing but sweet to me. Instead he was smiling, warm and relieved.

“Thanks. I like the song.”

Tane smiled. “It’s another one everyone knows back home, a love song.”

“Ew, right in front of my salad?” Aster said.

I glanced at him but he didn’t have any food in front of him. “Huh?”

“It’s an internet meme, don’t worry about it.”

“Okay.” I took another breath. “So the shop, I don’t know, I ordered some new Korean foods... the take and bake pizzas are doing well, everything in the chiller is okay, but overall sales are down and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“No wonder you’re stressed out.” Tane slipped his arm around me and I leaned back into him.

“Let’s brainstorm something. Maybe a big event?” Aster caught Tane’s eye. “Maybe with a celebrity guest to draw people’s interest?”

Tane smacked his lips.

“You don’t have to,” I said, quickly. “I know you’re in a strange place with music and you’re burned out. No, we’ll think of something else.”

Tane hummed. “I could be into it. Just for an hour or two, play whatever I like, acoustic...” He nodded. “You can count on me.”

Aster grinned and hopped up. “I’ll get to work on flyers, how long do you need to prepare?”

“I...” I shook my head. “I don’t know? What would we do?”

“You could do free samples of the Korean stuff? Maybe bring in some other new, interesting foods?” Tane suggested.

I imagined myself cooking up kimbap and fried chicken, and felt my shoulders relax. “That would be really fun.”

“I can do some shifts at the shop if you need cover,” Aster said. “But I want to be in charge of marketing for this event, okay? I’m sure we can get traction on social media.”

“I can help out with shifts too,” Tane said. “There’s not much prep I need, just a microphone and a place to stand, really.”

I looked between them, hardly daring to believe... but they were both utterly sincere and looking back at me with excitement.

“Okay, um, yes. Let’s book this in, how about two weeks on Saturday?”

“Perfect!” Aster dashed out of the room.

Tane stroked my hair back from my face and looked deep into my eyes. “What else do you need, Dill?”

I took another breath and shook my head. “I just need to be in quiet a while longer, if that’s okay?”

“No worries, I’ll get us something for dinner. You sit here and take all the time you need.”

He kissed my forehead — an act that had butterflies hatching through my stomach and went into the kitchen. Aster must have dialed the lights down in the living room because nothing was too bright.

I hugged a cushion to my chest and lay down on my side, letting my brain accept that I was okay, there was nothing to be afraid of, and I had two wonderful people who were going to help with the shop.