Page 28 of Finding Her

bear

She just smiled sweetly at me. “I want to see you off, of course.”

“Why?” I asked flatly.

“Because I love you.”

“No, you don’t. You love the...” I stopped myself.

Mentally, I said everything that I wished I could say but never would: That she barely knew me.

That she was brainwashed into the view that she loved me because, for some reason, our parents were insane and thought that we belonged together.

That there was no universe in which I would ever love her.

That we might as well just end this now.

But I couldn’t. Because the second that I rejected her, she would go back to her parents and tell them what I’d said and it would cause a rift between our families, my dad would get mad, and everything would fall apart.

It would be easier once we were in college and outside of the narrow walls of high school, she’d see that dating me wasn’t her best prospect.

I was relying on the fact that we would not be going to the same college and could use the distance as an excuse not to be together—I didn’t care if I had to accept an offer to somewhere halfway across the world, as long as it got me away from her.

“I don’t think you should go on this,” she said.

“Oh yeah?” I asked flatly. “Why’s that?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be around that girl ,” she said, spitting out the words in disgust. I narrowed my eyes, already knowing who she meant. Poppy.

“And why not?” I asked in a dangerously slow tone.

“She’s obviously obsessed with you, Bear! I mean, the way she showed up at the restaurant yesterday…”

I rolled my eyes and turned away. “She didn’t just show up at the restaurant, Claire. She was at the restaurant, and I ran into her. Very different thing.”

“Okay, but you said that she wanted to show you off to all her friends.”

I should have known that lie was going to kick me in the butt. All I was doing was trying to get my dad off my case. If I thought that Claire was planning to use it against me, I would have worded things very differently.

“You don’t understand what’s going on.”

“Yes, I do,” she insisted. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

Her skin was all clammy and gross, and I resisted the urge to pull my hand out.

I wanted to, but I needed to time it right so that she didn’t get mad and scream at me in front of everyone again.

My pride could only take so many beatings.

“I’ve heard her talking about you, and it’s obvious she just thinks you’re some prize to be won. ”

Internally, I said, What, like you? But I couldn’t say it out loud.

I had this theory that if Claire and I ever actually did get together, she would realize how much she hated me. It was a thrill of the chase for her. She wanted to know what it was like to have me. And then once she did, she would realize it wasn’t anything like she had imagined.

So I just said, “She’s not into me or thinking I’m a prize to be won, Claire. She’s just my gym partner.”

Just like last night, when I told my dad that Poppy was a nobody, the words made my heart clench.

Because somehow, over the past few weeks, Poppy had gone from being a nobody to being somebody to me, and I still wasn’t sure how.

Because no other girl, had ever managed to crack that barrier—not even, to her disappointment, Claire.

She sighed and patted me on the head. “You just don’t understand a thing about girls.”

I gritted my teeth, hating the patronizing tone she used and turned my head away, just as Poppy appeared at the other end of the bus bay, weighed down by an overstuffed duffel bag.

I smirked as I saw it. How much stuff did she think she needed for a one-night trip?

Claire’s gaze followed mine, and her face hardened.

“Seriously, Bear,” she said, her voice more serious now. “She’s not good for you. You need to stay away from her, okay? Tell your teacher that you’re not comfortable going on the trip.”

Yeah, as if that would go over well. No chance.

But I couldn’t tell any of that to Claire, because she didn’t actually know the reason that I was in this gym class.

She still thought it was an administrative error and that I was staying in the class so I would have an extra credit.

It was a lie that Dad was telling everybody so that he didn’t have to admit that his son had somehow managed to fail gym.

I looked at her and then I looked at Poppy, who was staring at us from across the way. And I made a split-second decision.

“You’re right, Claire,” I said. “Poppy is into me.”

Her eyes lit up triumphantly. “So you’re not going on the trip?”

“No,” I said. I swung the bag over my shoulder. “That’s exactly why I’m going on the trip.”

I pushed past her and walked over to Poppy. I wasn’t sure if I was out of Claire’s earshot, so I made sure to whisper as I said, “I’m sorry about this.”

Poppy just stared at me in bewilderment until I leaned in to hug her. Her arms hung loose at her sides like she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to be doing. And then, suddenly, they were wrapping around me, brushing along my back and sending tingles up my spine.

“Why?” she muttered into my shoulder.

“Just go with it,” I said back through gritted teeth. And I pulled away. I brushed some of her brown hair out of her eyes from where it was framing her face. I raised my voice in the hopes of Claire hearing it as I said, “You look beautiful this morning.”

Poppy still looked confused, and she said, “Thank you. Apparently, waking up at ungodly hours works for me.”

I smirked. “It sure does.” I couldn’t turn around to see if Claire was watching us, so I whispered again, “Is she still looking?”

Poppy’s eyes darted to Claire and then back to me. “Uh-huh.”

“Okay. Here’s the deal,” I said, as softly as I could. It looked like Poppy was straining to hear me. “I really, really need to convince her that I am not into her. And the only thing I can think of is to make her think I’m into you.”

Poppy’s eyes widened slightly, but she nodded.

And she slipped her hand into mine and squeezed.

I hated the sparks that went up my arm at her touch, just like always.

Luckily, the bus driver called us up then, saying we should get on the bus.

I took Poppy’s duffel bags from her, swinging it over my shoulder.

“Oh, you don’t need to,” she started.

“Trust me, Pipsqueak,” I said. “You look like you’re about to fall over with this on you.

Let me help.” She blushed but nodded. We walked over to where the bags were being loaded onto the bus and handed ours over.

And then, still hand in hand, we walked up onto the bus and found a seat near the back.

I let Poppy take the window seat because she seemed to want that, and it was better for me anyway since I could stick my legs down the aisle.

She curled herself up against the window and glanced out.

“She’s still watching,” she said.

I looked over Poppy’s head to see Claire glaring at us from outside with her arms crossed.

Seconds later, Mia came onto the bus, shooting daggers at me as well.

I guess she had seen me and Poppy, or Claire had just caught her up on everything that we had talked about in the last minute.

She threw herself into a seat closer to the front.

“Who was that?” Poppy whispered to me. “And, more importantly, what the heck is going on?”

I shook my head and sighed. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

The moment the bus doors hissed open, there was a stampede of teenagers desperately running for them.

The bus ride had to be the worst one of my life, with the driver acting like traffic laws were just suggestions and that pot holes and other obstacles were better to be hit straight on rather than avoided.

I was pretty sure we hadn’t stopped at a single stop sign for the whole drive and as I staggered off the bus, I felt like I was coming off a roller coaster.

Poppy moaned and rubbed at her head as she walked off the bus behind me, muttering something about feeling seasick.

I took a deep breath, hoping the fresh air would make me feel better, but if anything, it only made me feel even more sick. The great outdoors, everyone.

The whole class clustered by the bus, clearly unsure of where we were supposed to go or what to do.

Mrs. Dixon had some sort of family emergency just before we left, so instead of her being our teacher supervisor, they’d brought in the old gym teacher who was semi-retired now and mostly oversaw the department, Mrs. Fisher.

She was a woman in her late fifties, who cared more about catching the new episodes of all her favourite shows than watching us students, so I was sure we would be more or less left to our own devices for the thirty-six hours we were here.

We were standing in front of a squat, dark brown building with an askew sign that read CAMP OFFICE over the door, and just as I was wondering if Mrs. Fisher had forgotten to tell us that we were supposed to go in, the screen door swung open and a woman walked out.

She was dressed in a flannel shirt and hiking boots, and walked toward us with a massive smile on her face that made her look like an even peppier version of Poppy.

“Well, hello there, Hartwell Academy!” She said in a booming voice.

“And welcome to camp! My name is Tracey and I’ll be your head counsellor while you’re here.

Now I’m sure you all know what’s going to be happening here, but just to make sure we’re all on the same page…

” She started on the same spiel I felt like I’d heard a thousand times before.

This was a different camp than the one I’d gone to in my previous gym class, but the concept was still the same: instead of using the cabins, we’d be learning to set up our own tents and sleeping in them as if we were camping.

We would spend the day learning all about nature and camping activities, like making a fire.

Tomorrow, this would continue, until the bus came back to pick us up in the evening.

“Now, your teacher tells me that you’ve already been assigned a partner,” Tracey said. “So grab your partner and line up, and I’ll give you your tent.”

Poppy and I looked at each other uncomfortably. Had Mrs. Dixon thought to mention to Tracey that I would need my own tent, and Poppy would either need to be added to another group or given her own as well? If Tracey’s face when we stepped was anything to go by, I thought the answer was no .

“Oh! What are you doing here?” She asked slowly. The smile remained on her face, but it started to look more pained than genuine. “The boys’ trip was later this week. You’re not supposed to?—”

“I’m in this class,” I interrupted, my voice flat. I’d spent the whole month having to tell people I was in a girls’ gym class and somehow, it still hadn’t gotten easier.

Her brows furrowed and for the first time, her smile wavered. “I’m sorry?”

“I’m in this class,” I repeated in that same deadpan. “There was an administrative error, and they put me in this class. They couldn’t move me somewhere else. So here we are.”

Poppy glanced at me with a smirk, like she knew that I was lying about the whole administrative error thing. But hey, I wasn’t going to admit my life story to this woman by telling her how I failed gym class.

“Oh,” the woman said again. She tapped her clipboard, looking uncomfortable. “Okay. Well, that’s a bit of an issue because we don’t have another tent, so…”

“Maybe Poppy could stay with another one of the pairs,” I suggested, glancing at Poppy. She shrugged happily and looked at the woman.

“Well, see, that’s the thing. The tents are all meant for two people, so it will be a tight fit and…” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, we really weren’t anticipating this.”

“How about I just stay with Bear?” Poppy suggested, glancing at me. “I mean, if he doesn’t mind, then I don’t.”

Wait—what?

I wasn’t expecting that. Sure, we were getting along better now, maybe even friends. But her volunteering to share a tent with me? Where everyone could see? That was a whole different level of comfortable.

Tracey flushed bright red, looking scandalized. “Well, technically, that’s against regulation,” she stammered.

“I’m sure it is,” Poppy said smoothly, flashing a brilliant smile.

“But it’s kind of a tricky situation. Bear’s my only friend in this class.

Neither of us was supposed to be here—it was an administrative error for me too.

I’m older than the other girls, and I don’t think they’d be too thrilled about sharing a tent with me.

And I’d hate to make any of you feel uncomfortable having a student underfoot. ”

Tracey’s expression wavered, her grip tightening on her clipboard.

“Really,” Poppy continued, her voice dripping with charm. “It’s not a big deal. He’ll stay on his side, and I’ll stay on mine. We’ll both be in sleeping bags. Totally fine.”

Tracey glanced over her shoulder, clearly debating whether to ask someone else for guidance. “Well… if you’re sure you don’t mind…” she said finally. “Just… don’t mention it to anyone else. We wouldn’t want anyone feeling uncomfortable.”

Poppy nodded earnestly. “Absolutely. I totally understand.”

Tracey’s face relaxed, her smile returning. “Fantastic! The last tent is right over there,” she said, pointing to a bag on the far side of the field. “You two can grab it and get set up. If anyone asks, just say Bear’s helping you because he’s being kind.”

Poppy grinned at me. “Ready?”

I nodded, resigned. “Lead the way.”