Page 130 of Finders Reapers

She turned.

It was me. She hadmyface.

“He’s trying to use you to lure me out.” Her lip curled. “Tell Charon it’s not going to work!”

And then I woke up.

Chapter 16

There was only one thing that I didn’t remember, like a phantom limb I could no longer touch.

The memory of how I died.

I slammed back into my body with the force of a car. Jolting and tensing before feeling the room's chill, listening to the hum of the AC unit above the window.

I had rolled away from Maddox in my sleep. His chest continued to move in slow and methodical breaths, showing that he was fast asleep.

I pressed my hand to my stomach, unable to stop the tumultuous feelings that lit up my body and set me on edge.

Was there something wrong with me?

I hadn’t given much thought to my lack of memory surrounding my death. It had been easy to parse it into a box and push it to the back of my mental closet the second that the Eiffel tower from the MGM Paris wasn’t visible from the window of my bedroom anymore. My afterlife had been a runaway train, driven by four very handsome and infuriating men. Why would I want to pick apart a trauma instead of taking the gift that had been given to me?

I didn’t like trauma. I didn’t like feeling my feelings—something my therapist would get on at me about when I was alive. I liked to analyze things. Notfeelthem.

Was I broken?

Was my death so bad, so painful, that I had dissociated so hard that I had blanked the memory completely?

Rome had been adamant that Lobby Todd hadn’t been at the party, but in the same vein, Rome and Todd were friends, or at the very least, acquaintances. They’d been talking at the party in the suite when I’d first moved into the Bellagio.

I felt like I was missing something big. Something obvious.

The bed creaked as Maddox rolled over, and I assumed at first that he was still asleep until I saw that his eyes were open and he was watching me silently.

“Hi,” I whispered in the darkness of the room.

“Hey.” His voice was husky with sleep. “Are you okay?”

I could have made up several excuses. I could have even told Maddox exactly what I was feeling and thinking, but something was holding me back.

Even though I was falling in with the guys, getting comfortable, and feeling things I had no business feeling, I felt guilty. Guilty about my dreams. Guilty about Mr. Bub’s visits and guilty for the way I thought about each and every one of my Grim.

I tried to smile, but I felt cold. I reached out, my arms outstretched as I pulled Maddox to me. His warmth. I snuggled in. “I’m okay now.”

We laid sideways for a moment, and he rested his chin on the top of my head.

I pulled back, just enough to tilt my head up and to look at his face. He shifted at the same moment, and I wasn’t sure if it was an accident, but our lips brushed—sending a thrill through my body that raced towards my core and tightened every muscle in my body.

I expected Maddox to pull away. I thought he hated me, or at the very least that I annoyed him.

Maddox’s eyes were open as he looked down, both of us frozen with our lips touching. Only the slightest of touches, frozen as if we were both too scared to move.

He must have seen something in my eyes, besides raw fear, because his hand came up to cup the side of my face. Maddox pulled back to study me. His brow puckered as he brushed his thumb over my bottom lip.

He didn’t speak, though I didn’t know if it was because he was waiting for me to do so. I blinked up at him, waiting. I wanted him. I did. But something held me back. Something dark and nefarious in my bones whispered that I wasn’t worth it.

Mr. Bub had stirred me up like the bottom of a river, muddying the waters.