Page 41 of Find Me in the Rain

But you don’t need to chase them alone. And I’m so sorry for ending things. I didn’t stop loving you. I never will.

I love you more than a hockey player loves the ice. I love you more than I ever thought possible.

I can’t love without loving you.

Please forgive me.

But that’s only one of the reasons I wrote this letter.

If there was a time for a pause, for the words to get stuck in my throat, it would be here.

Alec, I’m pregnant.

Ten weeks.

You deserve to know that we’re having a baby. It’s too early to tell if it’s a boy or a girl, but either way, I’ll love him or her. And I know you will too.

I want us to be together. I want us to be a family.

But I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do.

It’s up to you.

Call me, text me, FaceTime me, email me, snail-mail me—I don’t care.

I’m waiting.

I love you, always.

Laura

“Just one more, please!” I beg Jack as he poses in front of our porch with his brand-new backpack hanging off his shoulders.

He rolls his eyes. “Moooom!”

I hurry and snap a few more as he throws the cutest little tantrum.

“Okay, okay. Let’s go. I don’t want you to be late for your first day.”

Char and Josh come out of the front door of our house right as I’m helping Jack into his car seat.

My chest is about to explode. I am so grateful for the two best friends in the world. And I am in such shock that my little boy is starting school.

And in that moment, I can’t help but think of Alec. Of all the firsts he has missed and will never get to see.

A part of me aches for the missing piece in Jack’s life. But at the end of the day, I sit up straight and smile. Because in my mind, I never had a choice to walk away. The second I knew I was pregnant, I was all in.

I try my best to give Jack everything he needs. He never wants for food or clothes or a roof over his head. And I believe that I love him enough to fill the missing piece that is Alec.

As we pull into the school parking lot, the biggest lump forms in my throat. My little baby is starting school. I find the nearest parking spot and shove back the tears building in my eyes.

I get out of my side of the car, walking around to his side, and open his door, helping him out.

He adjusts his backpack on his shoulders and then reaches his little hand up to mine. “You ready?”

My heart clenches.Am I ready?

That’s my little Jack, always looking out for me.