Page 33

Chapter 32

Colin glanced at his phone screen, but there was nothing. He’d have heard the alert from a text or call but at this point, checking his cell was turning into a compulsion. Because he was pretty sure he’d screwed up. Or at least contributed to the problem. Both he and Mari had screwed up.

“What?” Colin blinked at Gino, who was sitting across the table with Oliver.

“I asked who are you waiting on to call?” Gino asked—likely repeated, given his expression.

He was at the hangar with Gino, Oliver, and Bradford and Tiago who’d wanted a poker night. Though Colin was certain they’d only come along to watch out for him from any potential threats.

As if he wasn’t fully trained, but he liked the two men and they were friends with Mari. He cleared his throat. “No one.”

“He’s waiting on Mari Kim to call him,” Bradford said as he tossed his cards down. “I fold.”

“Why are you waiting on her to call?” Gino asked. “Why not call her?”

“Because he screwed up.” This was from Ollie, who was guarding his cards like a dragon guarding its hoard .

Which meant he had a good hand. Damn it. Colin tossed his cards down. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Clearly,” Tiago murmured.

Colin frowned at the other man. He’d only talked to him a few times. “What does that mean?”

The man who was far too good looking for mere mortals gave him an arch look. “Mari is smart and level-headed.”

“Mostly.” She was also a runner, something he’d realized. So he should have chased after her. But she was driving him crazy and he was apparently as stubborn as she was.

Tiago arched an eyebrow. “I’m playing the odds that you screwed up. You either didn’t do something you should have. Or you did something you shouldn’t have.”

“That logic makes no sense.”

“Maybe…” Tiago tossed his winning hand down with a grin.

Ollie cursed under his breath and glared at his own cards.

“I’m not having this conversation with you guys,” Colin muttered. There was no conversation to have anyway. He hadn’t done anything wrong. “Mari doesn’t want anyone to know about us,” he blurted, then winced. How pathetic did that sound? But it was the truth and it was the crux of his issues. He wanted everyone to know they were together, but she’d been so damn intent on hiding the two of them.

Bradford blinked. “You sure about that?”

“Yeah. For the record, I don’t want to be talking about this shit, but yeah. When we were all at…the place ,” he said, not spelling it out for Gino and Ollie because he wasn’t sure what they should and shouldn’t know about at this point. They knew some of the basics, but he hadn’t told them every little detail. For plausible deniability later. Just in case. “She said she didn’t want everyone in her personal business. ”

Bradford blinked. “That’s it?”

“There was more to it than that, but yeah. She just wants to be friends with benefits.”

“No way Mari said that.” Bradford was already shaking his head before Colin had finished.

“Not exactly that, no.” He shifted in his seat, aware that everyone was watching him and not playing cards. “But she didn’t seem to want a relationship.”

“Didn’t seem to? The woman who was running for her life after someone sabotaged her plane? She didn’t have all the answers, huh?” Bradford’s tone was dry.

Colin gritted his teeth, then shoved out a sigh. “I told her that I wanted to take her out on a real date after everything, and she wanted to talk about it after… Yep, now that I’m saying this shit out loud I realize what a dumbass I am. Oh. Ooooh. I am dumb.” She’d been in a high stress, life and death situation, and he probably should have chilled out and met her where she was emotionally. He should have been patient. Not something he was great at.

“This at least explains the weird energy when you two were in the safe house,” Bradford said. “Did you guys talk at all the last couple days?”

“Kinda. We worked out a couple times together—and no that’s not a euphemism. But we didn’t…actually talk much after getting back from…the place. Right about now I’m questioning how the hell I’ve been functioning as an adult. What the hell is wrong with me?”

“You’ve never been in a real relationship. Give yourself a break.” Gino shrugged as he shuffled the cards.

“I’ve been in relationships.”

“Eh.” Ollie snort-laughed as Gino shook his head.

“I’ve dated. ”

“Dating and real adult relationships are different.”

Sighing, he picked up the cards as Gino started dealing. He should have just told Mari how he was feeling and what he truly wanted between them, but he’d felt hurt, like she was rejecting him and he’d reacted like a bull. But Jesus, she hadn’t been. She just hadn’t wanted to talk about stuff in the middle of what was essentially an op. And even if she had been rejecting him, he still should have talked to her like an adult.

He’d let old shit from his childhood, old baggage, get in his head. He had a very complicated relationship with his parents in that they never talked about anything real. His parents had always had certain expectations for both him and Bear. And neither he nor his brother had done anything with their lives that their parents envisioned. He was really good at burying his feelings, shutting down when shit got too hard.

But he couldn’t do that with Mari. He had to step up and be the man she needed. And hell, the man he needed. If he wanted something real with her, he had to start unpacking all his old bullshit.

He scrubbed a hand over his face, then picked up his phone, not bothering to even check his cards. “I’m going to step outside, I’ll be back.”

Instead of texting, he called Mari—and to his disappointment was sent to voicemail after two rings. But this wasn’t over, he would make things right—he had to.